May update

Haven't blogged in ages.
If not guessed from title already,this is may,unrelated to post-Scuzz [tv channel] is showing Metallica:from the beginning...is good...well not all of it,but some of it.
anyway.....
Have not been back home [as in res. home,not family home] for a long time now,the decorators had been into decorate when am was at family home and they changed the colours of the entire inside building,so have been unable to get through the door way even.

People have thought am being everything from fussy to,controlling,to lazy over it,and have had nothing but mental V signs in head for them,most do not seem to understand how changing things mean nothing to them,but means a huge amount to KoR.

Dad is desperate to get am back to residential care,as he cannot cope again when NAS staff are not here,mum is drunk every day,and trying to steal from the money dad gets,as he has to leave it here for staff to pick up when am going out with them...just like old times.

Am fighting with him a lot [also like old times],he is extremely controlling and gets abusive when anything doesn't happen his way,and he goes and tells Rach [KoRs sister,not his] that am have attacked him,broke a door or had a meltdown etc...without saying what led to it,and then am get a load of crap off her when next see her or over MSN making am out to be an evil burden on him.

He's told her he's fed up of am being here,am feel exactly the same thing back....am ended up physically fighting him today after he set am off saying the very last things needed to hear when was in extreme pain from neighbours banging with hammers and using power tools next door.

Then had gone up stairs and started doing what had tried to keep away for some time now,broke open a razor and got some blade out,started cutting again-on left arm and hand,and because am do not feel pain and had not done it for a while,had gone a bit too deep because it was spilling down onto grey trousers.

Own social worker came last monday to have a meeting with dad about how far along the move to Fairfields was,it's all sorted now,apart from fairfield staff needing to get trained with am,and they wanted to do it whilst am at the other home,so the NAS support staff have been bringing am every day to try and get used to the building changes,but cannot even get near the door,even though am trying very hard.

There's also the problem of the amount of time it would take to actually get used to being there again [if possible],because by the time thats done would need to be getting used to another new building at fairfields again.

Social worker is trying to see if Fairfields will just allow visits instead-eg,they can shadow the NAS staff when am out with them,or am can go there,and can slowly get used to it as well.

Also,still waiting to get the motability car,it's now decided on a one point six vauxhall zafira exclusiv,there is no pale blue option though which isnt fair.