Friday, 21 March 2014

the consequences of poor restraining

am suffering badly from severe back pain ever since the rough restraining from the police last september and held in that position for twenty hours in hospital whilst fighting against it and the hand cuffs and leg cuffs.
plus also the daily restraining had suffered at greenways,where was thrown the floor,pinned down,sat on top of,had knees pushed into rib cage so coudnt breathe properly and had injured arm twisted behind back in a pressure point hold.
however do not personaly hold them responsible they were just doing their job,its the consultant who completely removed the painkillers of mine without any knowledge of personal circumstances and disabilities-without any gradual step down,he just removed them completely-a coworker of theirs who was willing to speak out against him said they shoud never have done it,this is what has fucked life up so much since then.

its severe pain which shoots up spine constantly,and have got strong tingling 'pins and needles' running up and down legs,plus the worst pain is in lower part of spine.
am unable to feel legs at all,and was at a GP appointment the other day about back when was laid down on the bed and told to close eyes and show her when was able to feel what she was using.
she was using a cotton wool pad thing,and a scratchy needle instrument.
was unable to feel either of them.
she said the area affected is the L1-L5 region of the spine,and that nerves in that area have been damaged by the restraining causing the effects of being unable to feel legs anymore,falling over them, the pins and needles and the shooting pains.
was booked in for an MRI scan there and then by the doctor on online, and the LD team are going to be sorting out sedation with the docs.

meanwhile,have not been given any painkillers to help deal with back pain, am on naproxen [a strong form of ibuprofren] for a severe mouth infection and teeth problems but that doesnt help with the back problem at all and am in fucking agony every day,it has affected mental health greatly and have even been suicidal because of it.

am going to be taking legal action against the consultant who removed the opiate based painkillers as it shoud have never been removed without a gradual step down-they shoudnt have even been removed as am in severe pain every day and had been entire life due to the acute headaches from sensory and information overload-however had only been on codeine for four years,but they ignored this part and blamed it on being addicted to codeine,they also said autism cant cause headaches,felt like smacking them one,they honestly havent got a clue what it feels like.
his actions have caused the loss of a residential home placement,severe mental illness and was part of why was sectioned for four months,acute ongoing mental and physical problems for self and am not going to ever learn to move on until have got justice and closure on this.

Tuesday, 4 March 2014

fiction/fake tv and the neurologicaly typical

this is one thing perhaps someone reading this blog coud explain better.

why is it NTs get so involved in TV programmes and act like they are real?
this is a real life example from just now,was watching the gory film; saw II on dvd in the lounge room with two support staff of mine just before and one of them;who is a hippy [she wont mind em saying this], went mental over it saying how sick it was and covering her eyes and mouth with some awful hippy book she was reading-she asked;how can anyone watch this and both of them are totaly against gory stuff,films with murders/pyschopaths etc in them.

another example;several years back mum and sister were watching a silly tv soap programme called emmerdale and one of the characters was pretending to be killed in it.
cue the pair spilling buckets of tears out their eyes,mum was sat there crying like crazy all over the orange she was peeling,was sat there laughing and in amazement at how people can believe something like this is real.

so how can people of a neurologicaly typical nature THINK tv shows are real and the people in them are really being tortured or dying,and think anyone who enjoys watching a gory movie [think battle royale for example] is sick?

personaly have a bit of a weird relationship with blood;its a interest of mine for sensory reasons have always smeared it on self and the wall for the feel of it and to communicate; in the same way many autistics on the same level as self smear shit,obviously the blood has always been mine,itd be a bit sick if it was someone elses.

am able to recognise films arent real and tv programmes arent real,watching these films/tv programmes am left profoundly confused why there are actors pretending to be someone they are not,am to rigid and literal in thinking to follow what theyre actualy about so only watch them for other purposes such as sensory seeking,this is why am a fan of gory films-YES even cheesy ones like battle royale.
will admit it-love blood,woud be donating it to get to see the stuff; but am on so many medications am not allowed to donate.

it isnt all NTs that do this thankfuly,as some old support staff of mine were NT and were exactly of the same belief about how people fall for fiction.
but please for the love of god people,stop acting like eastenders,hollyoaks,corrination street and any other bollocks on tv is real-it isnt,its a bunch of overpaid actors.

thanks and goodnight.

Monday, 3 March 2014

the use of retard,and what intelectual disability is all about

now this is a real hatred of mine.

as its probably known by any readers of the blog,am completely against the term retarded or the out of date DSM diagnostic label mental retardation.
will face plant palm every time see an aspie or a NT use the terms because they dont understand the near and far consequences retard/mentaly retarded has on someone who is intelectualy disabled.

heres why...............

a]am intelectualy disabled [AKA learning disabled in UK definition] and am directly affected by the godawful and just wrong word.

b]retard is a highly dehumanizing,bigoted,elitist and limiting word that directly affects a group of very vulnerable people whether its being aimed at an NT,a high functioning disabled person or an intelectualy disabled person,its outdated and shoud be in the past with hitler.

c]mental retardation as a label is outdated and no longer in use;it was finaly changed in the DSM manual last year along with the autism changes that were made,but unfortunately a number of americans didnt seem to notice this and carried on calling us mentaly retarded and not intelectualy disabled.
in fact,for the past several years;many american organisations have been swapping to intelectual disability so there was no excuse.
some people who have got no idea have said theres nothing wrong with the label so they wont change their useage; that just shows a massive lack of respect for a group of vulnerable disabled people who in many cases woud not be able to sit here and stick up for themselves on the internet like am doing now.

d]mental retardation as a label is untrue.
those of us with intelectual disability dont have a slow mind we have a limited mental capacity which gives less room for storage of data-this has a knock on effect on our functioning,understanding and learning level. even as adults we have high support needs,significant difficulties with understanding basic concepts, with personal care and toileting, with language and communication,we have no concept of danger, we have difficulty comparing ourselves to others and dont understand differences in people-some of us are unable to discriminate at all which in itself is a gift in society. we lack self awareness of our limited mental capacity; people who think they have ID because they are slower learners/thinkers than others do not have ID;we dont have the capacity to recognise ourselves as limited and to compare ourselves to others in that way to make a judgement, have often seen people say they think they have/or they have ID but are not diagnosed; on the internet,and they will say how difficult they have it,how slow they are,how behind they are etc; that is a whole load of self awareness and social understanding we do not have, people who write stuff like that seem to have low self esteem or seem to crave being patronised and treated as a lower level than they are-those of us who have genuine ID do not feel any borders or limits nor do we like being patronised.

e]just because we have intelectual disability it doesnt mean we cant have smarts,we may be less complex than others in our topics of choice but we can be just as passionate and dedicated about something as anyone else.

f]the use of retard as a slur,towards a bunch of foolish NTs for example is ignorant,childish and discriminative, people who use it as a slur dont seem to realise the term is associated with US, and by calling people retards for doing something foolish they are comparing their behavior to ours, it is sub conciously abusing us-not them,we are the ones who are being compared with people who can help whatever stupid behavior they are doing,please stop associating us with whoever it is; we are neither retards nor the fools doing that behavior.

g]we have intelectual disability,we DO NOT have the mind of a child,those of us who are adults have an adults mind;we spent our whole lives earning adulthood just like everyone else we deserve the same respect; we just have a limited mental capacity [read >d<].
treating us like children in adult bodies is sickening,dehumanizing and so ignorant and prejudiced.