The Residential Autist

drug dealing,it isnt big...but it is clever ALDI

2012-01-28T08:35:00.000-08:00

as usual am at mums/dads again today and had found out they had both gone to ALDI this week for their shopping and was having a look at what chocolate sort of stuff had been bought by them.

lets just say,if mum had said infront of some police she had just bought her daughter a box full of disco biscuits they woud not react to it kindly.

she had no clue what disco biscuit is well known for and neither did dad which is why had got up the dictionary definition [as seen in photo below].
dad said it is named as such because of the smarties looking like lights,they are actualy very nice and can recommend them though unfortunately there isnt one bit of MDMA in them.

free drink and cake

2012-01-21T06:10:00.000-08:00

em has wedding to go now in march,woo free redbull.
found out this morning,sister and bro in law are getting married,they are doing it cheaply and both families are helping with that bit,sounds like half of norwich is coming up here by how mum put it though-hope they leave their shit football team behind.

busy

2012-01-19T14:47:00.000-08:00

a few weeks ago....ish,had asked the sis woudnt it be great for orla [sisters daughter] to be able to go on a holiday to disney world or disneyland paris and she said yeah but they will never be able afford it, for various reasons they have money problems and cant afford UK holidays even.

had decided was going to save up money as often as possible to pay for a weekend break for niece,sister and bro in law and had told staff about this plan.
they looked up prices and stuff,and said it was expensive but was thinking for her birthday next year or the one after.
am thinking of the disney resort-davy crocket ranch which is a forresty sort of area with log cabins to stay in instead of noisy hotels,theres various ways of getting there that one hasnt been worked out yet.
woud love to go on holiday to the animal kingdom hotel in disney world to but its an impossible task without general anaesthetic saedation for going near airports/into airports/being on planes etc,and have been told disney world is ridiculously noisy by people without sensitive hearing who have been there.

woud like to be a nice aunty to orla,and give her what self and sister almost completely missed out as children as we never had close contact with any aunties/uncles unless they were pissed and phoning up an [also pissed] mum to have caterwauling arguments.

living in residential care am always being told spend are capped to a offensively small amount by the government,and have not got any left over for self when the motability car and minibus petrol are taken out of it,cant even afford horse riding anymore thanks to this fucking government who has left em in debt again with care bills.

so will find some way of saving for this.

...............
--now in the late stages of having a POA [power of attorney]there is more than one person being put on it,will finaly have an end to all the official trouble that staff get about being the ones who act on behalf,totaly pissed off as well that the bank recently froze the account thinking it was being used by some blackhat hacker because there were only the same small amount ever being used which has always been the case if they will have checked records,plus it came from the same local place.
blackhats will buy things upto/around what ipods and iphones cost on another persons credit card as apparently they dont get frozen,no way will they bother just taking out the cost of a very small amount of petrol.

....................
started making transition visits to get to know a certain sensory and soft play centre today-especialy for people with autism,but also for disabled people in all forms and sizes.
its called jump space- http://www.jumpspace.org.uk/ and is incredible from what remember of it [was overloaded by it being new and having to take so much in,not sensory though].
woud recommend it to autistic adults or children anywhere on the spectrum if they feel they woud get something out of it,its in stockport,manchester,england.
they are extremely adaptable to sensory difficulties,which is a rare thing to find even with other places that deal with autism.

linus torvalds woud be offended

2012-01-08T12:48:00.000-08:00

yesterday [as per the post below] had finaly gotten pa interested in getting linux installed on his pc.
it currently has vista on,and is a few years old,it has gotten slower....very slow,even he is fed up and complains every time he uses it.

so yesterday,had installed a virtual machine [virtualbox],the virtual box extension pack with drivers and whatnot and a distro called linux mint which is based on ubuntu and known by many as 'an ubuntu which just works' and is almost the most popular form of free linux.

had not known how bloated this distro was with software,it worked straight from the start with no config needed but fucking crawled along like a british athelete.
took ages to boot and shut down,there isnt any code or a splash screen to say its loading and the splash screen that shows when shutting is just a weird box of blocky text.
the default desktop environment is GNOME and even GNOME classic with no effects was slow.
so had installed the super awesome but light XFCE desktop environment-a improvement but its still laggy.
not recommending it to him as the one to permenantly install on his hard drive,cannot believe its recommended to people only just swapping over from windows-usualy because their pc cannot handle windows anymore,well fucking hell it aint going to handle linux mint.

today,had decided to try another distro out for him,see if it was any better for his spec.
so had tried one called puppy linux,its based on the ultra geek distro-slackware but with very little space and memory needed.
loved the speed and oldskool feel of it but coudnt get it to stick to the correct screen resolution of his monitor,think it needs the xorg file editing,but am back home now and cant sort that out till next week.

heres some screenshots of them both-

linux mint-the black window there is system settings-crashed due to the amount of lag its giving off.

puppy linux-there were areas of the screen that the mouse woud spaz out on due to the resolution being smaller than the VM window.

like parents shipping their kid off to school for the first time...

2012-01-07T09:58:00.000-08:00

thats exactly what its like-freedom and no more silly restrictions.
dad has finaly gave in and accepted religeon in his life,alleluliah.
linus torvalds is our god,linux is our religeon.
he has finaly agreed to using linux,and am in the middle of downloading the latest 'linux mint' ISO for him and am about to set up a virtual box VM once thats finished to install linux mint into,as he is not quite ready to see it permenently on his hard drive yet.
-it had been between linux mint & the stupidly renamed mandriva-as theyre the most beginner friendly.
looks like he will be getting his computer challenged brother onto it as well.

kitteh photos

2012-01-02T12:01:00.000-08:00

have been nicking dads SLR camera a lot this week and getting a lot of kitteh photos.
as usual he has been whingeing about it saying to leave it up to him to put them on the computer but fuck that am not going to wait for him to get off his arse months later when have been asked to put them facebook by sister,aunty and uncle.

sisters fur babies have been staying at mums/dads for the christmas holidays whilst they were down in norwich putting on their best farmer accents to fit in [well one of them didnt have to put it on as he already has it].

sandy-the kitteh with the severe FHS [feline hyperthesia....or whatever its called syndrome] has been hiding away from as much human contact as possible but managed to get a few photos tonight without having hands ripped off and without her harming herself.
sandys daughter-ruby has been desperate for attention this week.

boomer is getting on very well-he is as much a part of the home as biscuit and goldie are now.

the photos-

a tired boomer,snoozing on mums bed

biscuit has a sleep over with her furrever friend-a furreal friends cuddlin lulu.

a rare sighting of ms sandlepands,snoozing in a drawer under the bed.

boomer getting ready for nap nap tiem.

ruby,wanting to play and be tickled.

biscuit,making a bed out of a shirt of mine-at least cat sweat isnt as bad as cat fleas though.

ruby,getting fed up waiting for the camera to be put down and the hands to tickle her.

--no pictures of goldie apart from very dark ones from the camcorder which are not easy to see.

first news letter from our residential services

2011-12-27T07:44:00.000-08:00

our very first profesional newsletter has been put on the residentials website:
http://fairfieldresidential.co.uk/index.php?pageId=63

am mentioned in several places [emma,if do not know name] -about achievements so far with the ASDAN towards independance course am doing,and near the back of the newsletter they had wrote about what had happened to lottie and put some nice photos of her in there.

awesome designed newsletter,bloody thing wont even load on our home internet though,fucking opal telecoms/talk talk need their arses kicked,its a miracle if the connection works.

biscuit and goldie getting to know their new pal

2011-12-27T07:26:00.000-08:00

finaly dad remembered to buy some battteries today from the shop,for the robot cat.
the ones that had been in it were used up totaly as the robots are left turned on all the time in the boxes so people can try them.

anyway,was trying out the kitteh on biscuit and goldie today and recorded it to stick online.
goldie will yap and give it a smack if it is close enough though that is not on the video,she is pretending not to give a shit,biscuit probably thought it was a mirror she was looking into.

will record boomers reaction to it later,he has not seen it before so may react very differently.

merry catmas

2011-12-25T08:31:00.000-08:00

due to having no money at all,was unable to buy anyone presents but yesterday had ended up making something special with dad for the kittehs,a catmas cake.

ingredients were-

#tin of cooked mackerel,all that watery stuff was drained and wiped and mashed.

#oxo cube

#tiny bits of premium quality streaky unsalted bacon.

#little bit of whiskers kitteh milk

#some sort of cheese

dad threw it in the oven saying in his hardcore tipperary accent, "fuck sake me handsll stink o fish forever".

had done the mixing of it which was made a lot easier by using the milk.

the catmas cake looked like something the cats had shat out,that will be because of the oxo cube but the cats didnt mind one bit they have all been scoffing it today,heres some photos of the cake and kittehs getting their piece.

-the squashed ~~cat turd~~ cake

-boomer,the stray cat who was rightly predicted by everyone to be living in the house by this weekend,

he loves this cake the most,he especialy has a thing for the cheese.

-biscuit heading straight for the cheese before the cake was cut.

-goldie nomming her piece.

sisters kittehs upstairs-ruby and sandy [photo taken at their own house]:

they never got any cake because dad threw the last of it out whingeing about the fishy smell.

the idiot himself sits there scoffing it and doesnt whinge about the smell then,poor cats.

new cat....sorta

2011-12-17T12:46:00.000-08:00

this is at mums/dads,not mine-so only get to see him?her? every weekend,going to use 'he' for describing as cannot be bothered righting both all the time.
he has been nicknamed boomer because of his booming voice.

the poor kitteh is a stray,he has a very old bad condition flea collar on,he has a patch of furr missing on his back next to his tail-which is where fleas usualy meet up,he has lots of other missing patches and he itches- clearly flea bitten,its not a flea allergy though,we have had several kittehs with that.

he is just like lottie in behavior reminds so much of her,he is very vocal and will chat! had slowly gotten him used to self,and today after being taken here today; he visited.
he wants to curl up on knees,he wants to come into the warm,dad has made him a house inside his greenhouse with a comfy bed so he can stay warm.
dad has used a frontline dropper on him to help remove the fleas.

its obvious he isnt a homed cat-but has been,he has either been neglected/abandoned or an innocent family/person has lost him for some reason,dad said he is a senior cat about ten years old-he acts in good health though may be a bit deaf as his meow is very very loud-will try and record it tomorow and stick it on here.

he is chatting with em in this picture,not growling or hissing.

new PECS book

2011-12-15T12:04:00.000-08:00

a lot of thanks goes to a certain yorksheh speech and language therapist for making a new style PECS book.
once have gotten into a new routine of using it over the other one,it will mean not having to struggle carrying it around,its on a green dangly clip on thing that the SALT nicked out of the office...as she woud say herself- 'nowt' wrong with it if it aint tied down.. well this was attached to something but that isnt the point.

^new PECS book,minus velcroed PECS and a lot more mobile.

biscuit VS robot kitteh

2011-12-13T17:26:00.000-08:00

"mama?"

biscuit was saying hello to a new friend of hers last saturday.

its the present have got from mum and dad for christmas-a furreal friends lulu/cuddlin kitty.

biscuit was trying to make friends with it and was showing her belly to it which in cat language means she isnt a threat and wants them to be boss,very funny.

goldie kept meowing everytime it meowed and was having a staring contest,in goldie language that means fuck off.
apparently they were originaly designed by sega which is pretty awesome.

monday

2011-12-06T13:59:00.001-08:00

went to robinsons equestrian superstore yesterday-its called super because its super awesome.
the staff who work there did everything they coud to make the visit went ok,have never known a shop staff to be as disability supporting and as caring about the things they are selling,other places woud only do it for people who have a lot of money with them.
had brought the robinsons voucher that sister gave for birthday-a year ago now as had not been allowed to go.

The voucher card [now missing its voucher]

wanted to get something from the baby joules range for orla,but they had no baby stuff which was unfair as there are plenty of horsey people who want to start their kids or someone elses kids young on the horsey stuff.

in the end,had managed to buy these:

a pair of the softest high leg socks available- made by joules of course.

there is more than one pair in this pack,another pair,they are high ones which are padded on the foot- they are made by requisite which is robinsons own brand

and the final thing-a pony teddy for orla,the only thing coud find the most suitable for her- well the only thing coud afford anyway,they had some very nice rocking horses and these sit on the horse teddy things but was told they cost so much above what the voucher was worth.

am thinking of seeing if sister wants a pair of those socks as a present,as am completely moneyless due to only being able to recieve income support and the high rate mobility in residential [dont even get to know about the HRM as it goes straight to motability/citroen].

she will be getting fed up with not getting anything every year when she buys em a lot- apparently have got a sharky and george tshirt off her this year and other stuff to.

-had checked the site out that she got it off-it sells loads of clothing based on oldskool stuff- wish she had said she was ordering one as woud have picked a different cartoon probably but sharky and george was awesome.

totaly want the teenage mutant hero turtles half shell back pack-classic or what,she wont pay for that though.

http://www.truffleshuffle.co.uk/store/

dearest lottie

2011-11-13T10:38:00.001-08:00

lottie is now in dads garden buried side by side to many loved friends including twinkle.

because have been here since saturday [and about to go home now],had tried to arrange the grave with dad though its early work in progress dont have a plaque yet or anything but dad made a cross and wrote her name on it-though will still be buying a plaque that has it properly engraved and is weather proof.

have also given her a special crab shell that had gotten from a beach [rhyl or formby] as it means a lot to self like lottie does and woud never have let anyone else have it,had given her all the special stones had gotten from rhyl beach to.

these are some pictures from today-when it was dark and light.

lottie

2011-11-10T15:05:00.001-08:00

dont know how to write this.
its the hardest post have ever had to make.
reality is now starting to kick in a little had only heard the full explanation today.

monday this week,ems little girl; lottie was going to visit her usual clients [next door neighbours] to fill her belly some more which is only a short distance from the farm,.
someone had had a car accident nearby and there was a diversion sending a lot of traffic down the farms road.

lottie was hit somehow while going there and is no longer here.
the neighbour took her over to the farm,was just being dropped off at home from being at mums for the weekend to be told the news.

was desperate to see her,so one day this week we went to the farm late when it was dark and she had been kept in a nice sack inside a box away from anyone who might knock it.
had had a look in and she was just lying there,no blood no weird position nothing.
we took her back to our home as we were taking her to mums/dads the next day to bury her.
this was the first place she ever came to when had gotten her from preloved.co.uk so it was nice that she was going to be staying there a night.
was not allowed to keep her in bedroom/wetroom inside the box because of health and safety rules so she was kept outside in her box,had tossed all the stuff out of one of those big plastic vacuum bags which have clothes packed in them to put over her box and guard her from rain as she did not like wet weather much.

had decided to give lotties grave all the special rocks that had dragged home from when we all went to rhyl beach in wales for a day out,as those rocks mean a lot to self like lottie does,and today was the day,hope they dont mind saying it but had gone with manager and SALT,mum/dad and biscuit were there to.

had sat her next to self in the car,was not going to put her in the boot.
dad had dug a grave,had got a look at her better and realised she did have blood around her mouth just like twinkle did.

had put her in the grave as dont think it woud have been right anyone else doing it.
arranged the rocks on her grave.

biscuit took ownership of the plastic vaccuum bag because it started raining.
its weird am able to say all this but still denie it at the same time.
lottie means more to self than anything along with biscuit and goldie at mums/dads-they are like how children are to parents.
love lottie more than anything,cant believe this has happened.
she was best friend,everyone loved her,she was a youngster?
it just doesnt make sense.

she will always be ems baby girl like biscuit and goldie and twinkle,and all our other cats who are looking after lottie now.
the photos from the last post on this blog were the last photos had got of lottie.

had had a few photos taken at lotties burial,to help understand it better but lottie has been a huge part of this blog for years including the banner so it is at least a good tribute to show her final resting place.
it is going to get a proper engraved plaque put on there and other things to her grave is right next to blackies and sams and a litle bit further on the other side is twinkles

the bag is not sealed up by the way,its fully open biscuit just loves her plastic bags.

farm visit

2011-11-03T16:44:00.000-07:00

went to the farm today, disaster but for a few uninterupted moments had gotten stroke the friendly resident pig,played a bit of chase and hug with the miniture donkeys and was then brought to the minibus as was very close to going postal as every moment we had spent there had been ruined by noise and not being able to access somewhere quiet due to other people refusing to move on.

had been dragged [that is the right word,though not in a bad way as was not able to move otherwise], back to the minibus and helped into the minibus,but one of the staff who was with the guy who was there before us lifted lottie up onto lap so sat with her in minibus.
lottie was transfered from where she used to live far away in that minibus and she doesnt like being closed in but she soon calmed down on knee,doing lots of dancing and purring and dribbling,she liked to see what was going on from the windows as well.
a dose of lottie is always a big help to making head feel better.

hangin out with a lost friend

2011-10-30T17:44:00.000-07:00

have been friends with a chav for a while,she did have a nice side but she was somewhat pyschopathic and has a habit of just abandoning her kids, have been wondering for a while where she has gotten to.

she was always friendly,always came out to greet us before going back to bed whilst the kids were up to no good outside.

well anyway,we found out where she had got to today,thanks to the detective work of dad.

here is location:

she was found directly on the underside of the platform where biscuits fluffy fanny is positioned.

dad said she is hibernating.have posted photos of her on the blog before,heres a photo of her from today:

she did always come out to greet us but she was a total pyschopath with ladybirds and flies-she tortured them.

more PECS/images for use

2011-10-30T12:37:00.000-07:00

these ones are own/home made.
there arent to many at the moment as most of mine are to exact to personal needs to matter to someone else but have been trying to upload all the ones that may be useful for other people.
as have said,have been trying,but mediafire for some reason is messing about and keeps saying file not found with quite a few images,have reedited them and saved them under different file extensions and compression sizes but that doesnt matter,if it doesnt sort it self out will stick em on the imageshack account.
or upload them here even.

start here:
*click*

huge PECS pack for use or editing

2011-10-29T16:53:00.000-07:00

was given these so long ago had forgotten about them.

am not really suited to black and white PECS especialy ones with thicker lines as find it very difficult to make any sense of what looking at,but there are some coloured ones in the pack,they arent very useful to self also because of the thick lines but they might be useful to someone else.

they can be used for communicating with,for schedules or timelines etc-but may want to use a graphics program like GIMP from http://www.gimp.org to properly edit them to own size requirements and text [as theres no text with them so are free to put own if want it].

the link to download it is here:
http://www.mediafire.com/file/qe0k9mq63t12mg2/images.zip

had put them all in a .zip file as there are many folders and pictures-but do not know of any free file hoster that uploads folders,woud be here all day doing one picture after another,the zipping has slightly compressed it to,am not usualy a user of zipping so didnt know the best settings but yeah...the file is there for anyone who wants it,please dont claim those as own though if are going to be distributing them even if edited.

for the malware paranoid,have scanned it with 'no virus thanks' and did not tick the 'do not distribute sample' ,report available here:
*click here*

if are still paranoid after that then have a look in the zip in sandboxie first.

someone else is back on the road

2011-10-14T14:35:00.000-07:00

this little madam:

is very very naughty,she will get away with it though because she looks to damn cute.
not only is she being fed at the farm by staff,by self and by other service users as others are fond of her to and like to feed her,but...she is sneaking into the farms cottage to steal the [dog] food from under the resident jack russels noses,and that isnt enough,oh no.

she is disappearing for a few days before coming back to the farm,lounging around and stuffing herself before disappearing again for a few days and so on.
we found out she had started to invite herself into a neighbours cottage just down the road for food,and they thought she was a stray so have continued to make her even more of a pampered pussy.
it has gotten her stuck in a routine with disappearing which is the bad thing,its probably because it appeals to her home comforts side,whilst her farming side is dealt with at the farm.
only just found out all this today.
dont know if she is going to have to be kept in for few weeks again to make the farm her territory like we did when she first moved in,will have to see what others say is best.
need to get her some spot on worming stuff,make sure it isnt worms that keep her looking skinny whilst stuffing herself silly but there is a person am very familiar with who can do exactly the same,she stuffs herself with mcdonalds,kfcs and all of that shit and she is very skinny,asked her once if she had worms as that is what woud happen and she didnt like it,so yeah she didnt have worms,she just orders a diet coke with her mc meals ha ha ha ha,sorry if are reading this.

back on the road finaly

2011-10-13T09:57:00.000-07:00

was at the farm today,which marks the start to an end to feeling shit at being stuck in the house.
well yesterday actualy was the first day but whatever.
had never posted it here but a while ago,for one reason or another was put on a high risk assessment in the minibus which meant had to change seats with another resident to be able to go out,as our cheapass council does not fund individual support for people in residential care to get outside-regardless of whether are able to go with the group or not.

the change was not going to happen,not because was being fussy or wanting own way,but had always-and still do sit in the same seat in every transport used including own car,its a solid lifelong routine and it wasnt like change is for someone without autism,it is profoundly painful,plus not to mention now a new placement with same people is being looked into,so what good woud be going through all that only to move?

just saying...if had been willing to go through the long term pain of slowly swapping to the opposite side [still in the back row in the minibus] ,woud have to do exactly the same thing with every single transport in use-thats a lot of cars,and a very long time worth of going crazy and pain.
but not only that,am risk assessed against sitting behind drivers anyway so woud not be allowed to swap seats in any transport apart from the mini bus so officialy it cant happen.

instead,they have just moved the other resident to a different seat instead as they dont have issues with changing seats,wish that had happened in the first place but its over and done with.

so yesterday was the first day back out as a group,and it was to horse riding.
was not able to ride as need to get back into a routine again,but it was great seeing jasmine,was instantly recognised by her and given a hug and a hand lick-something she usualy doesnt do-usualy she bites and nudges with her head.

had a starbucks on the way back which was very nice as never get to have them anymore due to money.

and today,as part of the group again,we went to our farm,of course thanks to having money from not doing riding had been allowed to get another starbucks.

everyone else had gone to make bake some weird fruit cake thing in the school room whilst self and horse phobic SALT went off to stroke horses and kittehs.
she got loads of awesome photos,including several of her fingernails close up which revealed were quite clean so any nose picking must have been wiped away earlier.
heres the photos.

-a tiny dab of caramel/cream on the nose starts her lip curling.

-the shyest pony getting her usual kiss and hugs.

-dublin,a super chilled out ex show jumper.

lotties tongue and lips locking onto the cream target [came off the starbucks].

-wanting more of the stuff when was using it to get her to pose.

lotties famous elvis impression.

-she is so addicted to cream she cant wait for it to land and tried to drag hand to her quicker.

-lottie facing desperate times- begging like a dog for her fix.

college at home

2011-10-07T14:57:00.000-07:00

about to become a student again thanks to the owner of the organisation am living under and ex key worker.

have been doing ASDANs towards independance for a long time as we are taught it at home-
http://www.asdan.org.uk/Award_Programmes/Towards_Independence
but have just been offered the chance to learn proper photography with a professional photographer whom already know,we woud be going to places and building portfolios of work which is cool.
will be doing it with a friend/another resident.
we will be using proper digital SLR cameras,not panasonic digital camcorders with a shitty low pixel photograph function like one that coud mention sat in the bedroom right now.

it had been looked into but college courses for photography are all aimed at people who can access mainstream education and are not adaptable for people like self and other resident,the colleges themselves are not suitable unless are physicaly disabled,and no doubt woud probably end up kicked out again like last time had tried a mainstream college-was expelled from a course that is only for people with learning disability despite having two to one support.
so called 'special' colleges are shit as the funding for them stops when get to age twenty five,the national autistic society had tried to apply on behalf for a placement at a....*sighs* 'special' college called bridge college some years back just for students with autism w/learning disability,but had been told woud have been to old for the courses by the time they finished.

the government are a waste of space for those of us with autism and learning disability who require specialist education,they expect us to have either caught up with everyone else at twenty five,and if not we are lovingly offered the funding for a day centre-most of these for people with learning disability and/or autism are to put it one way...fucking mind numbing with no routine,its no wonder so many people end up being very challenging in them as they are itching with boredom.
the only one have ever liked was a national autistic society day centre,as it is charity based so gets a lot more funding put into it than the government day centres,it had a routine,it had an incredible sensory room,ended up losing the funding for it due to being transfered full time to another autistic organisation for residential.

will have to see about getting dad signed up with the photography,he has had a proper decent olympus E-410 for years and still cant work the zoom so he he uses his manual zoom instead-thats walking up to whatever it is he wants a picture of and usualy being so close its blurry,the photos look like he must have had one leg shorter than the other cause the pictures are wonky,and he temperarily blinds poor orla every week cause he cant work out how to turn the bloody flash off.
there was one christmas it started snowing very heavy and there was a lot of it on the ground,and biscuit had gone outside to play,and even though had never used it before- had grabbed his camera as he was still snoring away and mum was saying to wait till he gets up to do it,but itd be nightime by the time he stops faffing about,so like that,had messed about with it to turn his flash off and worked his zoom and got some very snazzy photos.....of biscuit shitting in the middle of the garden next to the washing line because it was totaly white and confused her where the borders were,then rushing in because she didnt like the feel of snow dropping on her fur.

heres some of his photos with biscuit and goldie as models,which was taken some day this week,they have been having new flooring and carpets and furniture put in and had sent photos of it so woud be able to get used to the change before coming tomorow.

some new photos

2011-09-11T11:29:00.000-07:00

took them this week...

this cute spider was in dads green house,thats its unborn babies in the black thing acording to what had read online,thought it was eating it at first but no.

this is ruby-sisters kitteh who has been staying here again since...some day during the week, as sister is buggering off to another wedding with the brother in law.
dad has been away putting up a green house for his brother as he is fucking useless at that stuff [and they have supposedly smashed some glass already] but anyway sister didnt trust mum with ruby and sandy so had offered to make the holiday a bit longer to this coming tuesday to pamper the girls,sandy doesnt give a shit as usual but ruby has been loving the attention.

this is the bag that had took clothes down in from home,its one of those last forever [but not really last forever] bags,from pets at home.
had thought it was quite funny when goldie got in it,she must have read the name and thought it was a home for her.

a lot of people including vets dont like touching or stroking goldie because of her ferral and unpredictible past,just look at how the little madam is now though-attached to knees,looking up everytime have stopped stroking her,dribbling when stroked,purring.
she loves srs attention.

kitties and padded helmets-actualy not a good mix

2011-09-04T11:27:00.000-07:00

last week had not had the padded helmet on whilst at mums though usualy do if head is ok-had been banging so there was some scarring and bad skull pressure at that time plus the long thick hair made it unbelievably itchy so was not able to wear it anyway [it was all shaved off on friday so it now feels great].
but,unfortunately for self [and the helmet] our little innocent tabby puss,goldie had pissed on it and a load of other stuff which were all lying together-had been using dads pc and she did all of this behind back without even noticing it.

the only explanation we had is it must be part of the kidney problems she is having as she never pisses outside her trays or gardens,it wasnt like spraying it was real bladder emptying ontop of rucksack which got onto everything.

luckily,everything has been washed,and the helmet has dried finaly,it smells very nice indeed.
was not bothered about our madams accident just hope it is not a sign of the kidney problems getting worse as its diet controlled at the moment [if it can be called controlled,well it cant] but it will be hard giving her meds as she is ex ferral and even doing the ole towel restraint and throat rub with a buttered up tablet trick will end up with the human doing it losing their limbs plus she thinks are making a joke of her inteligence when tablets are crumbled up in her food.

heres some photos of both the scallywags from today [sunday] as we have had sunny hot weather so they were both out sunning themselves and biscuit was doing her favourite hobbies of looking out for mice and hedgehogs.

om nom nom nom

2011-09-04T11:04:00.000-07:00

was being eaten by the niece today [sunday].

she came to visit with her ma and pa and was in a unusualy good mood despite her first tooth having come through.

like a vampire she pretended she wanted a hug or whatever but it was actualy to nom some flesh,she tried anything her little mouth coud get around,sister took loads of pics-

^she loves dancing and being supported to 'walk' across the floor and she kept trying to nom everything as seen in those photos,even the fringy bits did not escape nor the camera.

-shoud also say,orla seems to be keen on horse riding already which is a very good sign.
had got down on hands and knees for her on the floor and dad held orla on back like she was riding a horse,she did changing the diaganals and all that flatwork stuff,impressive rider-am definitely taking her for real rides as soon as she is allowed heheheheheheh.hope her ma doesnt see this...well she knows what think on this.

disability equipment-whoever prices this stuff needs a kicking, & moar government discrimination

2011-09-04T10:42:00.000-07:00

it is so hard understanding why companies which make disability equipment [in particular those that make autism and learning disability equipment] charge a lot of money- usualy making them inacessible to those whose lives coud be hugely improved by the equipment.
if anything,equipment shoud be cheaper because those that make use of aids/equipment,ie disabled people with high needs- have very little left to spend from their disability benefits due to it paying for their their care,and then there are those of us who are stupidly refused most benefits due to being in residential care-and any we do have goes towards paying for our placement and petrol for our motability car if we have one.

it is absolutley disgusting that this government feels it is ok to fund equipment for people with physical or sensory disabilities-such as wheel chairs,hearing aids and crutches for example,because people with physical or hearing difficulty or physical needs need those aids to have quality of life,however the government does not fund ear defenders,sound proofing or AAC communicative aids which not having profoundly affects many of us with autism-these have a big impact on our lives and everyone around us,not just quality of life-they improve and affect so much.

the government shoud get hold of the papers they have the disability discrimination act written on and shove it up their arses because they pick and choose what they want to avoid discrimination against and that is not a discrimination act,its a biased piece of crap.

thanks to our speech therapist [am guessing are reading this because everyone from ours seems to get hold of the bloody thing] we had recently [ie,this week] become a temperary home to a liberator AAC device- it was more for one of our lads who is unable to communicate useable verbal language at all.
anyone who knows self online or offline will probably know had personaly tried to get one [the possum jive] via the local government a few years ago-this was a reasonable priced device but had found out our stingy council does not fund AAC devices,and now possum have stopped making AAC equipment due to all this funding loss.
am not fully non verbal but am partly non verbal,and woud be greatly helped with a pocket AAC device-being partly non verbal was not the reason for being refused the funding,they woud refuse someone who had no useable verbal language,perhaps thats their way at saying they are not being discriminative.

anyway,those of us interested have all had a go of it-the device is huge and heavier than a full sized laptop but it boots quickly when compared to a laptop,am not sure what battery life is like,the adapter for charging that device is huge though.
had taken a photo of it one night whilst sat in the lounge,trying to keep staff busy so they forgot time and didnt send em to bed early,though have had to brighten it up in GIMP because its really dark in lounge.

-was making it swear a lot to test it,it past the swearing test,have never used any text to speech software before which coud manage so many words,though on PCs-maybe the windows SAPI engine had something to do with its lack of recognition,even the linux espeak/festival engine gets more words right.
its fucking awesome.
if everyone was rich woud tell everyone who has autism or has a child with autism to buy one of these as it encourages the user to use more language if they have the ability,if not they will only recognise the pictures-but its a great bit of kit,just a pity we arent all rich.

it has PECS pictures to trigger the machine to speak or can type words out to trigger the speech [AKA text to speech].
the guy that is hopefuly getting it took to it straight away,can tell it will help him so much.

unfortunately though,was toldd the machine costs far to much-to be exact they said the price of a car and our guy is going to have to have a organisation do fund raising for him [providing he is approved by this org as they probably get alot of requests] and it coud take a year or whatever for him to get the device.
-had looked into us doing fundraising for him but was told because we are under a company and not a charity status organisation,we are not aloud to fundraise which is shit.

had said what about Proloquo2go and an iphone or ipad-that is the AAC software for the iphone and ipad that had often posted on here about being close to buying prior to release,but it was found out [not by self,speech therapist did all the work-she knew about the software already] that the developers dont give free trials for people to have a go and see if it suits their needs.
its aimed at people with autism/LD and they shoud realise that we are not frigging clones who will be able to do or not do,or like/not like the same things.

next week,we has a lady from dynavox coming with another AAC,was really hoping to get a go of it as am a big fan of dynavox but had forgotten at the time she is coming am going to be at mums/dads, speech therapist said she will take pictures of it in use [if reading this,please do,woud love to see it in use].

DIY chemistry for the win

2011-08-20T14:24:00.000-07:00

am not coping at all with head at the moment,have been desperately wanting to escape it [before anyone am known by translates that to mean-fed up of living at home,no,nothing to do with that], fucking local social services funding panel though is a different matter.
ugh,fucking hate them,they have got no fucking idea what its like to be stuck in bedroom every day,day after day,seeing the same walls with fuck all to do...
unable to get out the house due to the local funding panel here cutting the maximum amount given to each person in residential.
am unable to get out with the group because of the lifelong routine change that has to now be done due to the new risk assessment.it isnt that am being stopped by anyone else but because of it being such a attached routine change its impossible.

so this weekend,whilst am at mums,had decided to try and get drugged up somehow to blur what is going on in head.
the only things have got access to doing this with are mums over the counter co codamols which she refuses to get them for free [being a pensioner] because she doesnt like her gps.
had saw she had alot of trays left and took one,but realised will just end up feeling sick if take them all because of the paracetemol in them.
had remember back to the days of the old great forum TOTSE when people were always describing their experiences with a cold water extraction.
had looked up a easy picture tutorial on making almost pure codeine from cocodamol,and got perfect results.

everything was finaly settled and calm in head,it was clear,was able to properly think again.
was not feeling sick and shitty due to having extracted the paracetemol first.
this isnt a regular thing,if anything it says just how desperate head is feeling to want to take purer opiates.
sister is a councilor and woud get totaly lectured and disowned off her if she found out what had done as she is one of those people who wont even touch alcohol or anything else for fear of becoming adicted to it.

this is what had used to do it:

-though something had used to mash some pills up and the freezer are not shown of course.
the kx tin there [its tescos version of redbull,cheaper and nicer] was mixed with the stuff at the end because of course it tasted bitter but that was nothing compared to ensure liquid.

the autism spectrum and jobs

2011-08-12T15:15:00.000-07:00

had been reading a forum today [nothing to do with disabilities] and noticed there were a number of people saying they had an ASD and cannot work,whether these users were genuine and not the same persons multi accounting habit as am led to believe due to the usual warning signs; is besides the point there are a lot of autistic spectrum people online who think like this.

the fact is,many people with any of the main forms of autism can eventualy get a job of some sort, whether paid or voluntary.
autistics shoudnt think they are unable to work through their autism,am living with decent guys who happen to have severe and profound traditional low functioning autism and another who is like self except with less understanding of the world-they all have a small voluntary job contributing to the community which is pretty awesome as a lot of people without disabilities sit on their arses at home all day,using their unemployment for modern technology,drugs and other luxuries.

autistics at any level can be capable of working with the right support and the right job,and those who are mildly affected by their ASD with minimal if any support or complex needs are the most able of all to aim for it,its often this group that thinks their ASD stops them from working.

leo kanner,the founder of the first research into autism [classic] always said autistics had a high chance of working if they have a job that focuses on their interest/abilities.
people need to believe in themselves and stop seeing their diagnosis labels and stereotypes,
never believe what the stereotypes of labels say,only believe in self.
its like with parents of low functioning autistics thinking they will stay the same way forever, they do not realise if they are allowed to develop,and are given the support along with a job they will have interest in-they to coud be working on some level-have already mentioned several examples above.

am hoping to eventualy work towards voluntary grooming and mucking out horses,but have a lot of issues which currently put a stop to it,some of them being due to not getting the outdoor funding,which means woud not be able to do any sort of helping out unless go with someone who gets the funding-which is pointless because those who do get the funding woudnt do that sort of work,they only get the funding as they are from a better borough which isnt fair and am fed up of this unequal shit.

it just doesnt make sense,we get a shit ton of people in the UK who dont want to work but are perfectly able to; eating up unemployment benefits,but those of us in registered residential care here who want to help out in some way are being stopped from working by social services/ learning disability services due to not getting the outdoor funding.
theyre a bunch of muppets who run the government.

anyway,point being...
autistics-of all severities and functioning levels,dont look at self as being broken or unable to do things,always look for different ways around barriers and never assume are useless.

no more cock fighting in the garden

2011-08-07T05:45:00.000-07:00

henny and spikey [was told thats what hennys new chuckmate is called] have been in their egglu together for a while now and poor spikey has been bullied and plucked of a lot of feathers by henny for stepping into her territory,henny was the weak bullied one when ethel and penny were with her.

so on friday had looked at their egglu and realised both of them were napping together on the ground when the new chuck chuck wasnt even allowed out into the pen by henny before that.
had planned hennys old favourite treat with staff-all cooked peas,sweetcorn and rice mixed and thrown in,and we gave it to them-both henny and new chuck were being like best friends together whereas it was always a nasty battle with each other when it was henny/penny/ethel.

heres some nice photos had taken of them-henny-up close and personal.

this is the new chuck,day after she was dropped off or something like that.
even so she was quite friendly then.

here they are being pals,they know something nice is coming for them...

dey be gettin ready for the drop...

henny-deciding which food type she is going to neck first.

eating together.

-chickens are great pets,woud recommend them to anyone.
if they are tame they can like being held in arms just watching everything go by, henny is like a dog with certain people who give her alot of attention even though she is an ex battery hen and think the new chuck is going to be very friendly as she has come from our farm and is already used to lots of people.

have been showing mum/dad pictures for ages,and pictures of the pen and stuff and information on urban chicken keeping,mum wants them but dad comes up with an excuse against everything.

virtual machine,plus backtrack linux,plus dads internet-awesome [UPDATE AT BOTTOM]

2011-07-30T14:33:00.000-07:00

had been trying all week to download the backtrack linux ISO at home with no success cause our internet is shitty,its like someone is DDoSing it all the time but they arent.
well anyway,had got onto it tonight at dads,download the backtrack ISO first of all,dad said its a gig in size which explains why it never got anywhere.
had managed to download and install virtualbox fine-which is the virtual machine.

and right now,have just finished installing the 'shell' of a linux VM:
next stop,installing backtrack in it [virtual box manager says ubuntu as it doesnt have backtrack and backtrack is based on ubuntu].
-to those who dont know what a virtual machine is,it allows a user to install and use a operating system within a operating system,like WUBI allows ubuntu to be run within linux though WUBI isnt classed as a VM because of some differences.

dvd drives are for wusses.

now to install backtrack....hopefuly no fuckups.

[EDIT]
success!

only problem can see at the moment is the resolution,as can see from this screenshot the window is to small,to knackered to think what its to do with right now,will continue on it tomorow.

-backtrack is fucking awesome woud seriously recommend it,didnt expect to find this much software on hand,its aimed specificaly at hackers,more so penetration testing which is the area of hacking am into.
the latest backtrack is a bit buggy,especialy in sixty four bit but they will have that sorted in no time unlike microsoft.
if anyone wants to download it,go to:
http://www.backtrack-linux.org
-and virtual box can be gotten here:
http://www.virtualbox.org

>>>EDIT<<<<

thought had edited this in the week.
was having a mess about with BT, and realised they had to have guest drivers installed which fixed the resolution straight away.
the last problem is with wireless cause its seeing the internet as coming from ethernet which is wrong and the wireless card [an atheros] doesnt exist.
the internet still works as ethernet so fuck knows what is going on,this is first time using VMs so
dealing with this stuff as go along.

another new arival

2011-07-30T03:48:00.000-07:00

the one day only/limited edition design tshirt that had ordered from icanhascheezburger finaly came this week,just seen it for first time today at mums.
came all the way from america and took weeks but was well worth it.

^here it is just thrown over the top of a sports jersey.

all our kittehs have loved sitting in boxes and box lids,sleeping in them and playing so thought it was a very good capture of what they get up to.

they never charged any customs tax on it,so am tempted to finaly order from think geek which is based in america.
problem is,had gotten charged customs ordering communication software from the US before,so its hard to know when they will strike.

we have a fief on the farm

2011-07-29T11:59:00.000-07:00

have suspected it for a long time,but today we suspect no more,thanks to our ip-camera.

lotties semi ferral tomfriend,whos is this fellow:

-kai

was spotted on camera stuffing himself with lotties fud whilst she had followed staff out of the stable for some company.
proofs here:

speaking of which,lottie has just been brought to the vet with suspicion of worms as she has lost weight but this is probably a big part of it,naughty kai.
....cant blame him though he is a greedy boy.

another thing as well,we has a new addition to the farm-if look in the corner of the camera screenshot,will see a black shetland pony.
apparently he is a stallion though dont believe that because he is to calm and gentle.
very friendly boy,dont know his name as he isnt mine,wish he was mine though shetlands are awesome.
heres a screeny of him from the camera:

busy busy busy

2011-07-26T14:43:00.000-07:00

all day today [tuesday],have been atempting to download an ISO of the linux distro backtrack:
http://www.backtrack-linux.org
but our bastard internet has been running worse than dialup,it only picked dup a bit tonight-

there is a problem with installing most linuxes on this laptop,its got the power of a good laptop,and its called a laptop but its the size of a netbook so there isnt space for a dvd drive-here it is on the day had got it next to the other ones that have had 'accidents' with for comparison:

with no dvd drive,am stuck to using plain ubuntu linux all the time through the WUBI installer,theres nothing wrong with plain ubuntu but backtracks indepth software list is aimed at pen testing.
its easier and less of a problem than it currently is compiling a ton of programs in ubuntu from source.

so had read into virtual machines more and realised that operating systems can be installed within them,dont know what had thought before about VMs but it wasnt that.
had downloaded/installed a virtual box VM last night and installed the drivers so thats one half of it done.

and tomorow [wendsday] because am not able to go horse riding at the moment am usualy stuck in but sister is coming up with the baby and am hoping will be able to somehow get her into taking us out to starbucks but it depends on her and orla.
-it will be good for orla to see her auntie emmas house for the first time [or as sister lovingly calls 'mental auntie emma' [thats hereditary for all of us,emma plus the kittehs=normal ones of the family].

oh,and as well as that,have got an blood test tomorow as well-luckily get home visits,fuck knows what for,they must be selling all the blood theyre getting on the black market cause they seem to be here that often.
-am going to ask for a syringe full to make needle phobics faint,must be the only one who gets a laugh out of injections,watching needle haters squirm like they have got fleas in their fanny makes it worthwhile.

extreme fear/hatred of hospital blocking getting help

2011-07-25T10:34:00.000-07:00

not long ago,maybe the week before last had had an incident which led to breaking bones in hand/wrist.
so have had it strapped up with a regular bandage:
its still badly bruised and swolen underneath,and impossible to use apart from typing if fingers are kept in fixed position.
it feels like people have only just started taking it seriously,as originaly people just blanked it but now am being told that it really needs checking at hospital and hopefuly woud get it plastered or one of those stiff splints they give.

but because of the phobia/hate have got of the place from experiences and sensory stuff, it woud feel easier accepting a walk up mount everest at this point.

having to regulary redo the bandage because am not allowed pins to hold it together for obvious reason,desperately need a splint or something,we havent got any spare tubigrips in the first aid boxes at the moment,had had a sneak through them all to see if there was one to nick.

have also got bad trigeminal neuralgia at the moment,think it might be wisdom tooth related cause it feels swollen down there.
need to grow some damn poppies for opiates in the garden.

recommended programs-will update this often

2011-07-17T15:59:00.000-07:00

have decided to start compiling a list of a lot of useful free software,it will be updated often as am coming up with ideas from head as well as bookmarks.

operating systems

-if have got a half decent computer,and woud to experience both the security and variety of having an operating system within an operating system,woud recommend getting a virtual machine program.
these allow a guest operating system-which coud be any of them to be run from within the host operating system [host-the main OS in use].
once all set up,it allows the user to operate several OSs at the same time in the same window if wanted or can just switch from one to the other,its very different from having a multi boot system.,

the VM am using is called virtual box:
http://www.virtualbox.org/
-once it has been installed and a VM server has been set up [easy enough],can then add the .ISO file which holds the guest operating system.

if have not got one but are interested in using linux,there are many linux operating systems to choose and download [legally free of course] -a good place to start:
http://iso.linuxquestions.org/
-if are new to linux woud recommend ubuntu/kubuntu,SuSE [think its called open suse now],knoppix,& mandrake [now called mandriva].
-blackbuntu and backtrack are best for more advanced users with an interest in hacking as that is what they have been tailored for,both of them are based on ubuntu code.

web browsers:
alternatives to using firefox-

arora:
http://code.google.com/p/arora/
arora is a very unheard of browser,have got it installed on both linux and windows and it does load fast and is easy to work with.

seamonkey:
http://www.seamonkey-project.org/
think this is the old mozilla suite,or at least got carried on from it,from back in the day before firebird [>firefox before its name change]-has a basic IRC client,HTML editor and browser.

sleipnir:
http://www.fenrir-inc.com/global/sleipnir/
sleipnir used to be a strictly japanese browser,we had to browse a site written only in a lot of japanese and no pictures to find it.
it was unknown back then but it was so much better than internet explorer,back then the maority of sites only worked properly with IE-and many such as argos woudnt work at all with gecko rendering browsers so we had to use an IE rendering one.
sleipnir was a hidden treasure.
only problem was,someone had apparently stolen the source code and cannot remember the result of that but it ended up having the code re written ,and it is very different.
anyways woud recommend it its always good having a few different browsers.

kmeleon:
http://kmeleon.sourceforge.net/
kmeleon is very very lightweight,and it does show in the loading.
have been using this for years,but put it to the back of the pile as other ones with different features came along.
worth a download.

links:
this one is for all linux users who love speedy browsing plus using the command line- links merges both features to make an awesome text based browser which is run from the terminal.
-to install,get a terminal up,and assuming are not root type:
sudo apt-get install links
^sorted.

security

sandboxie:
http://www.sandboxie.com/
sandboxie is a great security program.
it allows any program to be opened up within it,and will generaly but not always show the files true colours-if its dodgy or not.
if its a binded file for example,itll just drop the binded file-all done within the safety of the sandbox.
it also allows a chosen web browser to be run from within sandbox so it makes internet browsing safer,for example-java drive bys attempting to run on an older windows.

true crypt:
http://www.truecrypt.org/
-a powerful open source encryption tool,itll encrypt a hard drive and hide a partition amongst other stuff.
apparently the police cant even crack it though dont fancy testing that one out.

DBAN:
http://www.dban.org/
-it securely wipes the hard drive,very powerful.
it has a emergency delete as well if remember correctly.

anubis:
http://anubis.iseclab.org/
-the best online malware report scanner,if have got a suspect file, upload it to anubis.

various trendmicro tools;
http://uk.trendmicro.com/uk/products/personal/free-tools-and-services/
trendmicro have a good av scanner,but they have other tools to like RUbotted; a program which keeps watch to make sure are not part of a botnet.

AVG free:
http://free.avg.com/gb-en/homepage
the latest AVG free anti virus.

spybot; search and destroy
http://www.safer-networking.org/en/home/index.html
a reliable spyware killer,its been going for years.

coranti anti virus
http://www.coranti.com/
coranti is the best AV out there,its a multi engine AV-does a very deep scan.
it costs but there is a months free trial,woud not recommend it for hackers because it picks every little false positive up,think it was nearly crashing from false positive overload when it was scanning this hard drive due to the amount of 'tools' am using.

pro XPN;
http://proxpn.com/
the best free public VPN,for security & staying anonymous or using a RAT with as all ports are open.

cyberghost:
http://cyberghostvpn.com/
free VPN,good alternative.

online crypter:
http://onlinecrypter.com
has a few different free crypting options,crypting is a good way at protecting files,passwords and all sorts-and it has its less legal uses to.
online crypter is more about the security side and there are several services that cost.

entertainment

foobar2000:
http://www.foobar2000.org/
when was able to listen to music [before the hyperacusis took hold] the music player that used to use all the time was foobar,its not got a snazzy GUI but it is highly editible to own colours and woud assume it probably can be skinned to.
it probably plays the most music codecs out there like FLAC and OGG,and if install the codec for it it will burn/copy from cd.
its very fast at loading and keeps down the resources due to its lack of a snazzy GUI which is a good point.

sopcast:
http://www.myp2p.eu/
watch tv for free on the pc,go to download page on there and download the sopcast client.
make sure sopcast is turned on before clicking on any myp2p links otherwise they wont load.
there are other sites with sopcast links,thats just sports based,and it is legal by the way.

vipbox:
http://www.vipbox.tv/
moar sports such as premiership football,vipbox is legal as well,sometimes there are some very decent high definition streams-good for those of us with high def laptops,and those with high def monitors.

games

openBVE:
http://trainsimframework.org/
its a huge very realistic train driving simulator and is available on linux and windows.
have got it running on this laptop [which is a laptop x netbook thing] under linux and it runs very well but because it so realistic it takes a while to know what to do.
am only into thomas the tank engine train sets and dont give a shit about trains overall but woud reccomend this to anyone both train fans and people who hate them,give it a go-its completely free.

hack & crack tools
sorry,no blackhat stuff here-wont support stuff thats clearly for destructive use.

cain:
http://www.oxid.it/cain.html
cain is a password recovery tool,but can also be used as a packet sniffer and a way for e-gangster gamers on xbox live to retrieve another users IP to DoS/DDoS.
have used it to get our routers login details before cause wasnt given it and no one onsite remembered it,so its a useful tool.

brutus:
http://www.hoobie.net/brutus/
an oldskool brute forcer,ancient but still works.
it will need adding to the anti virus file/directory exception list because its a hack tool which AVs will throw a warning up on,its clean.

THC hydra
http://www.thc.org/thc-hydra/
linux users have got thc hydra-a powerful network cracker.
its compile from source and can be a bit fiddly getting it to properly compile but stick with it.

john the ripper
http://www.openwall.com/john/
another cracker,best for unix cracking.
have finally used JTR,its comand line driven so GUI whores can bugger off or write their own GUI!
JTR can be found in linux repositories under the name john,but will have to compile from source to get the latest version.

nmap
http://nmap.org/
nmap is a powerful,and very useful indepth port scanner,its also command line driven but it has a GUI front end called zenmap just check the nmap site out or linux repositories.
-also available on windows.

WEPcrack
http://wepcrack.sourceforge.net/
probably obvious from the name but WEPcrack is a tool for cracking WEP keys.
its also useful.

aircrack-ng
http://www.aircrack-ng.org/
aircrack-ng is a very powerful command line based program for cracking WEP & WPA-PSK,
it can be a bit pissy to get working if have some difficulty locating the correct driver patches or are using a network card that doesnt support working in monitor mode.

graphic design & arty stuff:

GIMP [GNU image manipulation program]:
http://www.gimp.org/
GIMP is the photoshop of the domestic world,its on a very close level to photoshop except people forget photoshop is aimed at the working graphics industry so is full of stuff that the typical user wont ever use.

artrage:
http://www.artrage.com/
have been using this for years,it is proper canvas art but on screen,good for just messing about with-they have a timeless demo for free.

office programs

open office:
http://www.openoffice.org/
dont pay for the microsoft office suite when we have much better ones available-for free.
open office is by far beter than microsofts.
multi platform.

libre office:
http://www.libreoffice.org/
another awesome and free multi platform office suite,well worth a download.

bluefish:
http://bluefish.openoffice.nl/index.html
bluefish is a nice little editor,aimed at programming but have used this as an alternative to notepad for a while.

website developing

filezilla:
http://filezilla-project.org/
filezilla is a FTP program,for server or website owners.
very useful and easy to use compared to some.

cwahi:
http://www.cwahi.net/
-have read some good reviews on them, its a decent free webhost and the spec matches that at least.
give them a try if need a webhost for free.

development

microsoft visual basic [.NET]:
http://www.microsoft.com/visualstudio/en-us/products/2010-editions/express
get into making own programs and eventually never need have to pay for one again, but will
warn that its not as easy as it sounds to make the typical programs we use.
there are different versions available,and dont rant if think its taking to long to download because theres a shitload of developer files that come with it,plus it is microsofts servers.
woud recommend visual basic express from that page if have never learnt C# or C++ languages before.

learning C/C++ and lots of other computing guides:
http://www.homeandlearn.co.uk/
very useful site,woud recommend it for visual basic to but this is about c#/++ which .NET is based on but isnt as complex.
its the best language to aim for if have got the ability.

shoud have gone to specsavers

2011-07-17T05:02:00.000-07:00

this morning,was watching recorded family guy on dads tv when there was a quite loud bang.
had seen something dropping straight to the floor,it was obviously a bird because that window has a big problem with reflecting the outdoors making it look like its ok to fly through.
had ran out quickly because of the cats;thought it was a pigeon but it was a tiny little bird,dad said its a tiny green finch,he thinks might be a baby.
he said its gone,and will have gone as soon as it hit the window.

dad has special stickers on the window sold by the RSPB [royal society for the protection of birds] which is supposed to show birds its solid but there has been loads of birds fly into it over the years,often one of the cats woud be underneath at the time to.

am not affected by hearing of human injury but animals is another thing,we are burying the bird later when dad can get off his arse.

lottie finally on webcam

2011-07-13T09:54:00.000-07:00

lottie was finally on the webcam today,stuffing herself with whiskas before disappearing for sleepytiem,hopefully she will start to use it as a nest again.

saturday at mums

2011-07-09T17:51:00.000-07:00

have just edited a load of shit out,as dont want it to be known IRL.

have spent the day coding a new program [no tuts or s/hand source code]- its for family only,its to show orlas photos to our relatives cause theyre all in other countries and sister wants to see it,she went home quick this evening because mum was pissed.

shows how much have been struggling with head stuff today cause had ended up making a shit load of tabs instead of a simple menu.
screenshot of it:
^its running in VB/.NETs debug mode there,havent bothered making a build of it as its not finished.

lottie has her own webcam

2011-07-02T09:34:00.001-07:00

we finally have put a IP camera in lotties pad at the farm [lottie is the tortishell and white cat with a collar on and her tongue out in the banner by the way],means am able to watch the little bugger dragging all her mice about and watch all her tomfriends steal her food,but have just noticed there are birds flying in and out of there to which had never seen before.

there are going to be her other friends staying in with her-such as the miniture donkeys, so we can watch them all to.
here is a screenshot of the camera working today though no lottie as its boiling and am assuming she is out mousing in the fields.click on it for full size.
thats a fake horse-everyone thinks its real when they walk in and jump back shouting 'SHIT' not expecting to find a horse in there,they have these in big equestrian stores like robinsons.
its there as part of animal management,and had been the one who made PECS for it-these all have the names of each horse body part written on,and the idea is for people to put the PECS picture on the correct body part.

lottie has a bed and huge at tree in the hidden corner there,next to a big cabinet which she knows has her food in.

the owner/manager has also setup a few other cameras at the farm but they havent been added to the software yet.
its made for internet explorer only but hate that browser so had got it running in firefox with IE tab.

concussion and a virus-buy one get one free

2011-06-30T16:25:00.000-07:00

since last sunday,have been doing some quite heavy head banging,to the point have got some quite serious concussion and evil pain from it.
every day have been getting fed up with it as have got no other painkillers than the one.

the concussion had caused a loss of memory,am not able to remember any time from last week,even though have been told about a trip to wales we went on and have got the photos to prove it to self,can remember some of the weekend and a little of this week.
it has affected the speech that have got,making it slurred,had forgotten a lot of language after the worst bang to though a lot of that came back after the next day or so.
it has affected balance,especially earlier in the week was all over the fucking place, having to hold on,am extremely exhausted,feel like am going to puke at differing points [not constant but its random when it suddenly comes on].

had not been able to do horse riding this week as wasnt even able to put the helmet on due to the injuries let alone go out as felt so exhausted and sick.

so the gp had been called and had thought he woud give a extra painkiller,but he told staff that he wasnt going to bother coming out but thought it was a virus which was triggering some of it,and prescribed some form of penicilin antibiotic on the day;have to take it for a week,no extra painkiller though its fucking horrible.

had not been wearing the protective helmet when head banging as it was night time and have usually got it off then as its to hot and itchy so always give it a break.
it ended up causing a few splits to head,a lot of skull swelling,a black eye and was also knocked out as is the usual aim,probably one of the bloodiest injuries its been in a while.
took this photo as it is right now,its dark but can just about see it from the middle of the forehead/fringe bit stretching to near the back:

not able to wear the padded helmet currently because of the injuries,need to wait for the fuckers to heal up.

cant wait to see biscuit/goldie at the weekend,nothing more precious than those girls apart from other kittehs maybe.

fed up

2011-06-25T13:34:00.000-07:00

right now am looking at one hell of a fuck up.
have not cut for months but this week have been struggling in head,dont know why.
coud have cut,as there were some hidden metal no one knew about....but didnt.
have been losing trust more and more in people,and have had the old 'issues' back for a while,have been thinking a pyschotic episode may be due.
this week was told by the pyschiatrist he is pleased am doing so well and wont have to see him for six months,am fucking fed up with having to get used to specialists all the time and was glad he said that but hope this doesnt mean he will have to come back.

tonight had been having a good time checking out hackforums,when had gone to the shed to see where biscuit was,immediately had noticed there was a lot of stuff missing-all of mine to be exact,several PC towers amongst other stuff which was precious to self.
dad knew exactly what was asking him over for; he said he gave most of it away to a family friend am very familiar with [his ex boss] and the other stuff was put in a skip he had ordered this week.

they have always known not to do stuff like that to mine,it was bad enough he refused to allow the pc towers in the house and fucking damaged them,they know exactly what am like with change and having stuff sprung on self like this,with no planning whatsoever.

had gone beserk,can only remember after coming down somewhat from that had gone razorblade hunting and got a blade out of one of those,and am now sat here with an arm cut up,
trousers soaked in blood on one side and feeling completely gone at how mum/dad can just do things like this,without any leading up to it.
they have no idea have done it,dont even trust them enough to show them,dont care enough.

dad said because am not here during the week he coudnt ask-but jesus, we have a fucking phone at ours he coud had phoned staff,and past it on plus planned it more.

feel like cannot trust them at all now,they dont feel like mum and dad,they just feel like humans.

sat out the back with biscuit for a while whilst she watched for mice and hedgehogs,animals are the only beings in life that feel trustworthy,they are predictible and dont change.

a mixed photo thread

2011-06-24T09:41:00.000-07:00

am using this post to organise a load of photos for use on a forum; that had taken quite recently,they have all been taken with a mid range panasonic hard drive based digital camcorder and have not changed any of their sizes-they just happen to be lower res because of the lack of quality from camcorders taking photos.

this was on a day out to the peak district recently,taken through our tinted windows [aka dirty] so they turned out well.

was on a day out yesterday to north wales and we visited rhyl/around it,here are some pictures that had taken,they have far better ones on the house camera though.
this beach shot in rhyl,wales was taken yesterday [thursday],love watching and listening to the waves so had taken a few shots of it against the sewage pipe as well as video.

again,this waterfall was in wales,to be exact we were in dyserth.it costs to get in and see the waterfall but its well worth it.

this was dyserth waterfall again,except it was the river that runs down from it,the bridge is where the waterfall can be viewed easily from.

had taken this next group of photos whilst out in stockport one day,the planes are very high up and are tiny to the eyes,but because of the zoom on the camera had managed to get several attempts-thought it was pretty cool.

had taken these chicken photos whilst on a day out at chatsworth house-some big royal estate thing [had made a post about it on here somewhere].
the colours on these chucks were awesome,and they were also fully free range to,which was another thing woud recommend visiting for besides all the other stuff the place offers.

this chuck was telling us what to kiss,knowing what is on hennys arse; think am gonna pass on that one.

chicken line dancing.

like all men,they like to pose in photos,this cockrel was a real poser,he knew he was beautiful and didnt mind telling us about it.

spotted this gypsies pony tethered up somewhere we had all stopped at an offlicence to get something or other,so had just sat there in the minibus taking loads of shots of this gorgeous cob hoping they woud turn out ok because of the dirt on the windows.
dont understand gypsies and travellers at all sometimes,tethering ponies on a rope which is long enough to get a leg tangled up in and also long enough for them to get hit by a car.

and finally here are some kitteh photos,though have got plenty of those already posted on here and catster:
http://www.catster.com/cats/674887 [that is biscuits page but the rest can be clicked onto via it].

another cat post

2011-06-21T16:48:00.000-07:00

another biscuit related post...
took some funny photos of biscuit this weekend....

she jumped up on the sofa expecting sister to just throw orla on the ground and feed her [biscuit] the milk instead,she eventually got fed up waiting and buggered off.

she was begging for food here,no surprises.

kitty gymnastics,aka pretending to wash the crotch.

spot the missing fang,she had that extracted with a few others last year.

this is what biscuit thinks of all us oldskool gamers.

biscuit supports geekery

2011-06-21T16:29:00.000-07:00

at the weekend,was having a look through a few old things in bedroom that havent been touched for a while,came across an old classic-a very rare box set of dilbert [a highly underrated geeky cartoon],it used to be shown on uk tv years ago and had randomly found the box set in perfect condition; in a charity shop,biscuit happened to be a dilbert fan to because of catbert.

awesome,just ordered this

2011-06-19T10:01:00.000-07:00

it seems am not the only one on the monthlys at the moment-this tee on icanhascheezburger is also the monthly special,a brand new design available only for a day.
have missed out on loads of great ones up to now,sister just walked in this afternoon in the special longcat one,so remembered to have a look.

the girl ones always look awful because they are fitted,cannot stand em when theyre clingy and dont stay down,so got the mens one instead,ordered XL.

all our cats have always loved lying in open boxes,and am a big fan of maru [the famous box loving cat on youtube],so this months one coudnt be any more relateable.

autism Vs the weather

2011-06-18T09:02:00.000-07:00

those who am known well by [whether only online or also offline] will know am extremely sensory fucked up,one issue being with the feeling of liquid running on skin-like the feeling from a shower,god knows why do not have any sense of pain and can cause any level of pain such as ripping deep flesh open or knocking self out by head butting the wall, yet a bit of rain and will look like an escaped inmate from broadbmoor/ rampton.

every week,it usually pisses it down when it gets to horse riding day,thats the nature of being an outdoor only riding school though,but will never change,we are getting an indoor arena.
this week however,was in luck,it actually didnt piss it down and it had been thunder storms in our area that day,whilst was riding jas,staff got some photos,unfortunately the staff in question is technology retarded [oops,sorry the word shoud be 'challenged',we cant use retarded,nah he is really] and he didnt realise the clearly obvious zoom button existed so most of em wont close up but have got a few worth posting anyway.

had just got on jas,here-feel very honoured to be let on her back as she has a big work load most days.
wearing the southpaw sensory pressure vest there, it helps to calm.

have a habit with riding with reins in one hand and sometimes none at all,tend to control jas using arse muscles [known as seat aids],she woud be so awesome at parelli/NH riding.

cantered on jasmine in this photo [canter= one step below gallop] and it seriously started to piss it down,so quickly jumped off after giving jas a hug and ran back to our minibus.
jas is awesome,woud take her home if coud.

going to see about fundraising for the school cause they still need funds for the indoor.

made an old discovery

2011-06-02T12:38:00.000-07:00

at the weekend,had been looking through a cuboard where have got lots and lots of old computer,computer game and horse magazines.
felt completely awesome though to find that an old robinsons catelogue had survived the onslaught of cutting pictures out which is what had always done with horse mags.

most of them are horse and pony [some going back to when was in infants school-ie,when milton was still competing in the olympics].

heres a photo of it:
they used to send robinsons catelogues out with horse and pony now and again throughout the year hence how had got them,mum and dad were to cheapskate to go there of course.

fucking love that place,best shop ever when it isnt a school holiday or sale.^both from last visit,not been in a while and need to get another riding skull.

its a miracle-have washed the car

2011-06-02T12:07:00.000-07:00

this evening the weather was boiling and was allowed to go wash the car,it has only been cleaned once since have had it,and it was in a right state.

anyway,we cleaned it tonight with proper car wax shampoo and a hose,but didnt wash it off in time cause it looks as dirty as ever now.
had to go back over it but it looks better,had cleaned the inside as well-the floors were a state,luckily because its a customised van [a citroen nemo multispace] the floors were rubber based not carpet so a lot easier to clean.

we got some photos of it to.

look at it shining.

yeah its not amazing,looks a lot better close up than in photo.

this is where staffs/other people sit,and it was very dirty with chocolate bar crumbs and dog shit from their shoes most likely.

dont do posing,so being asked to pose will trigger the most sensible sign,coud have said a lot worse in BSL actualy.

bored

2011-05-30T12:56:00.000-07:00

have been messing with the command line all day as it seems to respond here unlike at home,so dont know where its a port issue or something.

have now finaly installed firefox-though didnt realise was getting the most uptodate version with the new theme,cant stand it-everythings changed around,urgh-had been getting used to it on dads slolwly already but its very different,what the hell were they thinking?

have also installed a few other programs.
have installed a ton of games [all free as well as open source,not pirated ones,not into that];

xmoto [like a modern version of kikstart].
bouncy the hungry rabbit [a platform game].
-super tux kart [its tux in a go kart].
-super tux [a copy of super mario except tux is used instead].
dope wars [a drug dealer simulator].
xbill [taking the piss out of bill gates and windows].
kturtle [its the modern version of pendown,if anyone remembers it from the bbc or acorn computer,its a programming game].

installed software as well,so far have added today:
clam AV
wireshark
cheese [its actualy a good webcam program].

had installed several programs which are for eye tracking as well,they are designed for people who have limited mobility or other problems-had wanted to check them out to see if they woud be suitable for others am living with who struggle with using a computer the normal way,but the bloody things woudnt work with eye tracking.

and lastly,am installing thc hydra from source code,have had a lot of trouble with dependencies ,missing commands and network problems in the week at home so that has been holding it back.

aircrack is installed at least.

managed to make linux do a BSoD [black screen of death]

2011-05-28T05:26:00.000-07:00

had recently installed the latest kubuntu netbook edition on the laptop as a dual boot with win doze seven.
have been using linux since the millenium and had never crashed the actual distros [beyond trashing the hard drive with one at the start of course and pissing about with blender three d which crashed SuSE back then].
have been slowly getting around a few issues with it,it wasnt compiling source code or finding any programs; in fact it wasnt even recognising all the needed commands like apt-get and make.
hadnt realised these werent installed by default like they have been in previous distros have used ,so installed them last night along with a load of other updates.
still having a number of installing issues though,hoping to try it here at dads today might work as our internet has been fucked all week.

anyway,back to the actual crash,last night during updating these files;it suddenly went to a black screen and mouse icon woudnt move,got some photos of it with the camcorder:

-the code kind of makes it sound like it might be something to do with sleep/hibernation mode as can remember this being buggy the last time had used linux but just making a guess got no idea.

the only internet browser have got installed at the moment [due to the issues] is rekonq and that has been behaving a bit buggy to,crashed quite a few times.

some new autism/AAC projects are set to go

2011-05-26T15:32:00.000-07:00

have been thinking about joel smiths amazing application JTalk for a while now,and wondering if he woud ever have the time to update it,as the next version has been in development for as long as duke nukem forever [sort of....not really].

had been a huge fan and daily user of JTalk-nothing commercial,bar the unaffordable AAC handhelds were comparable-joel had made a huge breakthrough in open source AAC.
but it was programmed using an old version of .NET and it requires a very old framework to run,its hard to get hold of and quite fiddly to get around-with each new laptop and new windows have had its gotten harder and harder to fiddle with,woud love to have an update on it.

am going to start off a project on making a similar AAC set up to JTalk,these are the functions/options am hoping for:

text to speech-type in anything for it to be spoken out
have set boxes-like with JTalk,for users or their family/support staff to pre set with their own comments/words to use,so that the user only has to click on the box to trigger speech.
have pictures next to words or a picture only option,for those who struggle with written language or have no understanding of it at all.
have a time line option,for users to show what they want to do on their timeline,or so they can see what they will be doing,using PECS type pictures.

-am going to be writing it in .NET and like JTalk which was also coded in [earlier] .NET it will have framework dependencies,so only modern windows systems will be able to run it.
am especialy hoping to help all other autistic people of any age communicate better,to stop people speaking for us like they so often do when we are non verbal,its just an idea at this stage but am going to ask staff about the possibility of getting people am living with involved with trying it out to so that people of all functional skills get involved,it woud be nice to, to get others involved.
woud get non autistics involved to,to make sure its fully understandable.

the next project have got lined up is [and dont laugh at this because it isnt actualy as dodgy as it sounds] a autistic translator.
the idea,had come to self because am constantly feeling like a foreigner never understanding what people are saying,a lot of it is to do with language difficulties in own case but woud like
to make a translator for all literal stuff and any other terms we struggle with due to our autism.
will see if any support staff woud be up for the challenge of coming up with all the definitions,and unsure at the moment,but might make it so that there is both a speech and text version of the term for translation.

now,have got another project plan to,hoping to make a PECS program similar to boardmaker,
because its an absolut fucking con at making people who dont belong to big businesses pay for their fricking security locked down software.
we have it here,and have got it on old laptop,but trouble is it requires the disc to run as part of the security shit,and have not even got a dvd drive on this laptop [thin as a netbook].
we havent got anything in the open source community that even slightly compares so woud like to program something for all autistics,families,carers,support staff,teachers, speech therapists etc who cannot afford board maker,hopefuly will be able to fuck em and use something free.

kitteh matters

2011-05-26T14:02:00.000-07:00

goldie,as in this little itteh bitteh kitteh here:
http://www.catster.com/cats/675471
has recently started taking up riding lessons,she is a natural of course though she is always in the same position and never moves off the bed.

-had started taking down a synthetic fleece bareback pad every weekend when at mums to use as a seat as it doesnt get used for riding anyway-use a much better one for that at the riding school [a dutch imported christian lammfelle bareback pad-real sheep skin/fleece].

goldie seems to attach herself to anything that have been bringing down of late-like a tote bag or whatever they call them which says we love cats on,thats hers now-had to leave it there because she made it feel like a crime to move her plus she woud have shredded arms off,then she tried to claim the entire rucksack am bringing down every weekend with stuff in-its a big hiking rucksack;she clamps herself to it even if its tilted to say its hers.
fucking hell she thinks she owns everything.

anyway ,here are the action shots of goldiepants and the saddle in action,she is lying on mums/dads new bed which is in the computer room due to dad being a lazy arse and never having finished the DIY on their bedroom:

and on a different kitteh topic,dad phoned staff tonight,have found out that one of sisters kittehs,her now fully grown kitten to sandy had had an emergency operation today to get stones of some sort cut out and they are now being sent for biopsy,not sure what but will probably find out on saturday,poor girl has got one of those lampshade collars on tonight and cannot run under sisters/bro in laws bed and hide from humans when any come in now because she headbutts it with her collar on.

this is ruby,or rubelcubes as she is also known:

more fox troubles

2011-05-21T12:31:00.000-07:00

we have had yet more fox trouble again,this time at the farm.
this week,foxes had managed to dig under well proofed chicken areas and destroyed all the poor chickens,cockrels and ducks-we only have one chicken left from what was told.
we had quite rare breeds of chuck as well like white silkies and weird spotted breeds,so it was horrible to find this out,it also means henny cannot have any cage mates brought down to her anymore because there arent the chickens to do it with!

however,because of what has happened,we are now going to grow some chucks from egg,we have an incubator,and eggs are being bought from a farmers market,luckily have been asked to do it which is awesome as itll be like having a pet and if we get any chavs pissing about out the front we have always got something to throw at them [joking of course].
have got to get some video of them so the kids and anyone else intrested can check out what its like to go from egg to fluffy chick.

cant wait,and hope we can have some for poor henny because she loves being around others and woud get on a lot better with some youngsters to teach and command.

just found the photo one of our silkies on dads pc:
^theyre awesome chickens,woud call them poodle birds as they look like poodles,the cockrels are fucking noisy though.

awesome day out

2011-05-13T11:16:00.000-07:00

had wrote this the other day but for some reason have come on to find it deleted.

had an awesome day this week with everyone.
on tuesday we went to the royal estate chatsworth park in cheshire and had a walk up to the woodlands.
leg was being spazzy and causing a lot of pain through that as usual so had come back down to flat ground with staff whilst everyone else carried on up the hill with the other staffs.

luck woud have it,had found out the international horse trials were being held there that weekend,and they were laying the eventing [cross country] course when we arrived,so had took a lot of video of the course,uploaded one of them to youtube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k5vaOzjaK2A
the international horse trials attracts major riders like pippa funnell and royal riders like zara phillips,its a huge event,they were sold out of tickets ages ago.

we also came across some very unusual looking chickens-colourful with fluffy trousers on,took loads of photos and video of course:

had to be one of a chickens arse:

then there were the buildings,took some photos of those.
had taken a photo of this one because it reminded of the computer game; assassins creed where they had a buildings like that to leap off.

a niece visit this evening

2011-05-08T12:51:00.000-07:00

had a visit from the little one this afternoon[?]/evening,she came with her ma and pa of course she is to young to drive yet.

orla has grown a lot,and also lost a lot of hair,sister said it was due to hormones as she was only full of hair when born due to sisters hormones being passed onto her,but now they are running down orla is going to be making them for herself.

sister took some photos of self holding orla and orlas pa and grandpa had got some ones of her posing on the grandpas SLR,but he gets territorial over the camera and refused to let anyone else put the photos on-he takes weeks to do it himself,got some amazing poses of her on it.

no matter,here are some of us today from the camcorder,obviously shitty quality as per usual: she looks like she is screaming here but she is just yawning, otherwise woudnt be sat there looking at peace with her,that big mouth will do her well at an eating competition and future dentist visits for cavities from finding all the chocolate sis has.

looking like she has her thumb up,one of the many hand signs she does,her favourite is actually flipping the backwards middle finger up at people; or the backwards V sign as well as some gang sign,god knows where she got it all from,must be heriditary.

looks like she is waving at the ceiling here,she was knackered and calming down after feeding time which always pisses her off when the bottle gets taken away.

this is orlas gang sign,if anyone wants to join her gang they got to be in wid da kewl kids,nuff said.

here is an innocent looking one to end on,she was going to start a hissy fit because she wanted the bottle,so began rocking her in the style that comforts self but at a much milder pace,calmed her down immediately,definitely going to buy her some sensory stuff from ROMPA when she is older.

a new build of tom cat picture viewer released

2011-05-07T12:18:00.000-07:00

have been working on the original version,to make it better and get rid of this pissing boredom.

some new changes/features are/is-

#a splash screen,which will nicely welcome users to the program upon opening,except the splash screen is wrong at the moment,it keeps applying the generic name and copyright text when am trying to code it differently.
fuck it will sort it out tomorrow.

#the GUI now features a pale blue colour,the buttons a different shade of pale blue,will add new buttons at some point these are just generic.
and the icon is the same cat in the splash screen.

so here is the tom cat PV: version B build,if anyone wants to have a try-itd be awesome if people actually do-huge thanks to those who have downloaded the previous build by the way!!
download from:
http://www.mediafire.com/?pbq5p943cc4x8ed
-note it is a pre published build,so it cant install,and it still has the .NET framework four dependencies,so if get any runtime errors just update the framework:
http://www.microsoft.com/downloads/en/details.aspx?familyid=9cfb2d51-5ff4-4491-b0e5-b386f32c0992&displaylang=en
it allows backwards compatibility with anything made in older frameworks by the way.

heres the multi anti virus scan for the paranoids:
http://www.virustotal.com/file-scan/report.html?id=f6d3f7a57f2a6c02d7aa55d199614561307fe456b22baa12a3aef3efe51e07f1-1304796268

new banner

2011-05-07T05:57:00.000-07:00

have been planning this one for a while and shoud also be adding comments back this weekend all going well.
its not great quality,fucked it up due to resolution but coudnt be bothered messing to find the right size,spent ages on that background in GIMP.

current wislist for tortie web browser

2011-05-06T08:47:00.000-07:00

just a quick post to write down the current wishlist for tortie,it will all be added to the browser...if...am able to do it,not sure how complex the code is at the moment.

cookies/history to allow users previously used websites to show up and to save passwords.
tabbed browsing,to make browsing easier.
a section of helpful and useful websites for cat owners internationally,as well as some humour cat sites to.some sites will be health related, information on how to get free or reduced cost vet treatment for example,catster will be the default site it goes to but it will be changeable.
a status bar thingy at the bottom of the browser,which says the current webpage that is loading-or if indeed it isnt-all the browsers have this.
a custom application icon.

and will look into the possibility of a making embedded/included chat client,or IRC client.

tortie web browser- pre alpha stage

2011-05-04T16:44:00.000-07:00

yep,got another program on the way,though will probably spend a lot longer on it in pre alpha stages than had done with tom cat PV.

the tortie web browser is,again-cat themed,with a cat icon [which may change at this point to a different icon] and will be especially aimed at cat enthusiasts with lots of kitteh sites built in for ease of use,and perhaps more kitteh functions depending on whether can think of any.
a bit like mark webbers HF browser probably,not got that far ahead yet.

hoping to have some sort of adblocker built in,but might not be possible given all the disability issues have got with programming,will keep looking for ways around it if so,as adblocker shoud be standard now days.

tortie WB has not been compiled yet,its running only in VBs debug mode,but have got a few screenshots of it starting to take shape,so hope anyone who sees it doesnt find their eyes to offended by it.

-here is the browser after testing a website in it for the first time,but before had added a address bar/buttons,plus size isnt right either.

here is the browser on full expanded size,bottom part of it was looking to wide so have adjusted it,still showing with no internet surfing functions.

finally,here it is with a highlighted address bar and a go button,plus have customised the sizes a bit more including the bar at the bottom so it isnt so thick.

anti virus vs anti virus

2011-05-03T17:49:00.000-07:00

^this is a quite recent screenshot that had taken of an AVG virus warning,norton and its anti virus eh,like a drunken relative; cant take it anywhere.

*screenshot is not faked,no graphics programs were involved in their trickery,though may have compiled a un FUD keylogger server with that name,finger slipped.
norton AV/IS is just FUD malware anyway so it might as well be on the scan.

first program ever coded [edited]

2011-05-03T07:11:00.000-07:00

thought woud never be able to do it,but had slightly changed tactics a bit and have finally made first ever program.

it is basic of course,but had made it more so for practice than for full public release.

Tom Cat Picture Viewer

the tom cat picture viewer was made in VB [visual basic],and being a cat fanatic had not only dedicated it to them but also added a kitteh icon as well.

its a handy little program to have for just viewing pictures if windows explorer ever fucks up like it has done on own laptop before due to some driver issue,so it may be of interest to others- dont know.

its functions are-

open and view pictures [obviously].
clear the current picture.
stretch the picture into a better position.
change the GUI background colour to suit the colours of the picture being shown.
close the application.

here is a screen shot:
sorry,used paint to save it-coudnt be bothered waiting for GIMP to open on dads pc as am due to go home and dont know when staff are coming.
have changed the background colour to pale blue and opened a icanhascheezburger image with it,for an example.

screenshot of the taskbar logo [probably obvious which one it is]:

virus scan

for the paranoid out there,here is the completely clear virus total scan of the tom cat picture viewer:
http://www.virustotal.com/file-scan/report.html?id=3506101ef66b3f5320f745cba57ca4f91bccd853fb8f4c98c856351ae38d0ef7-1304433017

download

the prog can be downloaded from here:
http://www.mediafire.com/file/ao4n9w5w6ccvi6x/TomCatPictureViewer.exe

thanks a lot if anyone downloads and tests it!
if anyone who tests it wants their name put in the program in the next version, please email:
rda.rider at gggg mail dott comm.

[PLEASE NOTE]

tom cat PV has .NET framework four dependencies,if are getting a runtime error upon installing this, it just means are using an older .NET framework.
it can be easily updated here:
http://msdn.microsoft.com/en-us/netframework/aa569263

fox attack

2011-04-30T11:25:00.000-07:00

the title is no messing around unfortunately.
early in the morning last friday a fox got in our eglu and run:
http://www.omlet.co.uk/shop/shop.php?cat=Eglu&sub=Eglu+Cube&product_id=455&product_name=Cube+-+Green
despite it being fox proof in every other way,the fox had managed to lift a long,vertical heavy pin out of the secure door hatch [god knows how they managed it] .
he/she got in and butchered ethel and penny,he buried ethel leaving her feat sticking out the soil and apparently just left penny lying there then staff had come out and chased it off,and she/he was caught coming back later,it likely had cubs because of burying and coming back for her.

these are our girls here [loads of photos of them in their old hut,which despite not being fox proof never got attacked by a fox]:
http://theresidentialautist.blogspot.com/2010/02/chicken-meltdowns.html

we have one chuck left-henny [old video screenshot of her]:
henny has been left traumatised by the attack,and has been pacing up and down freaking out at the outside of the cage,she also follows staff around like a dog as she used to follow penny around but now has no one.
she is also having to be locked in at night now.

luckily,we are taking down a few more house mates from the farm for henny so hope they will get on.

just cant believe it happened to them,they are all ex battery hens and deserved the best life possible,not this.
it feels like foxes are pyschopaths but they are trying to feed themselves,wish someone genetically engineered them into being able to go and shop for themselves in tescos so small animals didnt get maimed like this.

the autistic kit

2011-04-24T15:33:00.000-07:00

its a long time since have posted the 'autistic kit',and it has changed alot since then.

the majority of the kit is the mobile stuff that take out in the rucksack when going out but other bits are needed stuff that will use all day.
missing a few bits,like the laptop,and helmet which is already on here one post down so not needed,and the camera,which is kept in rucksack at all times.

anyway,here it is:

the rucksack,from the buddies section of shires [a equestrian brand].
awesome rucksack.

the PECS book that use to communicate with and for holding PECS in general for things such as the time line.
its getting old and knackered,need a new one-no doubt pyramid have changed the design again.

the time line,it used to be a large flat laminated timeline,but now its a halved over one so it can be brought out easily,stuck on the PECS book and hold PECS that need taking off at that moment.

the pullups [-adult diaper to america],have used many,many brands and forms and think these are the best besides tena slips,except these are pullups.
these are made by abena and the strongest absorbancy will find outside of taped pullups/ nappys/diapers,they arent available in shops.
pullups are prefered in own case as require help with taped ones,but prefer independance of doing it by self.

these are peltor optime III ear defenders,these are the usual ones of course except this pair uses a neckband instead of head band,they fit over the padded helmet and can be used with the bulky riding skull during a riding lesson...sort of.
peltor optime IIIs are the best ear defenders have ever used and have used many.

these are laser lite foam earplugs,best earplugs have ever used-the only ones have ever tolerated,always get a shitload of them off ebay each time they are needed.

babywipes,due to the fact am not able to bathe/shower due to having very severe sensory issues,use these ones at mums [am at mums now,hence their photo],used to use boots ones but they kept changing the packet,which is a big issue for self.
am getting a bit better with sensory issues thanks to where am living now,as they have really helped with slowly building a tolerance,at least-am able to wash hands somewhat without feeling so much pain.

these are the only footwear that will wear,they are mountain horse safety/yard boots.
the reason had come to like this pair is because there is a iron plate in the entire sole of the boot as well as a steel toe cap-am not able to feel body but these boots give some sense of feel and allow self to know where feet are at least.
these are designed for use on the equestrian yard as well as for riding.

medic ID bracelet,used to run away often in previous places have lived in,but have only done it once in the entire time have been there.
even so,the medic ID bracelet woud have accutely helped with that one time as was treated as a druggie and rugby tackled into restraint until staff got information through to the police.
these things are priceless,woud still wear it on wrist out of the feeling that never know when something like that woud be needed,but can only wear things so tight to the point it stops blood coming through-that being the reason its attached to rucksack.

new helmet........again

2011-04-23T16:51:00.000-07:00

we had a bit of a mishap with the other helmet that had gotten free off the NHS,because it started to stink of head sweat after a while-as anything woud if its worn constantly most of the day and night,it didnt stand up to a wash well-it shrunk.
it was to small to wear,and it was to small when they sent it anyway-a size medium.
considering the size of the riding helmet am using,which is one of the largest sizes available,
a size medium is fucking tiny when compared.

so the other day had gotten a new one,similar-as in rugby helmet as ones especially designed for head banging/hitting etc are not easily recognised here,like they are in america.
-paid for this one as well,as obviously cant go asking NHS for another one so soon.

it is in favourite colour combo,have had many pairs of trainers in this combo and a lot of people have also said how they go for this sort of combo-red and white.
its also a size large this time,fits perfectly,its a kooga [not that anyone will know what brand that is unless they are into rugby].
so here it is,in bad quality because its night time and its a shitty laptop camera.

[edited-have just added better photo]

there are more vents in the top of this one than the puma one,or previous helmets have used,
so its very helpful in the hotter weather,woud certainly recommend this one to other head bangers and hitters [or to parents of us] as it does come in kids sizes to.

cant stand chelsea FC,but Peter Čech-chelseas goal keeper [who can be found here]:
- http://www.petr-cech.com who suffered a serious head injury on the pitch shoud be used as anyones inspiration as to whether they or their child shoud use a helmet where there is regular risk to their skull/brain,peter doesnt give a shit about what he looks like on the football pitch with a helmet designed for rugby,the same shoud go for autists and family who make decisions-its not up to society how we protect ourselves; unless they want to take all our issues for us,brain injury is far more important at avoiding than silly comments from what are the real 'retards' of our planet.
oh yeah and peter rules.

kitteh photos

2011-04-14T16:33:00.000-07:00

getting into furrtography more and more lately though have been doing it for years, knackered a good cybershot a few years ago so have used either the panasonic d-camcorder [shitty photos good video] and the laptop camera [shitty photos] to take them.
the fact that its all cats shoud make that ok.

here is thomas/tom tom in dreamy land,dreaming about jumping on other cats, pissing everywhere and eating probably [like in real life].

had to put one of sandy in otherwise she woud be left out.
sandy is sisters kitteh,the one diagnosed with FHS,feline hyperthesia syndrome or something like that-its a weird cross between personality disorder and epilepsy,its not had a lot of research yet,but its come from her history of abuse and neglect from previous owner, the photo had took is the closest had ever got to her without her growling and attacking herself.
she loves sis and the bro in law though.

this is sandys now grown up/yr old kitten,she is called ruby though goes by many names.
again,as sis had found them abandoned after they had been born,sandy had already passed some behavioral problems to ruby and we all struggled to even get anywhere near her she was extremely shy sandy coud just growl to make ruby run for cover.
now days ruby thinks for herself and is a very loving cat once we have been there for part of the day,she has a side ways walk like a crab and bangs her head into our hands to greet us, so had called her mr krabs like from spongebob.

here she is in the just getting used to us mode,we arent down there a lot so they have to learn to trust us each time.thought she looked very funny with her little head peering over the mattress.

took this last sunday,biscuit has the hissy face a lot though she was just yawning in this one,
we were both on a hacking site and poor biscuit coudnt keep up.

thought this was very funny on its side so just flipped the photo,its biscuit checking out dads new green house,she loves it for the heat in there and so she can watch other cats go past without being jumped on.

biccie with tongue out.

Auntie status has arrived

2011-03-31T14:58:00.000-07:00

[EDITED POST]

the little madam herself was squeezed into the world by sis,not long ago [thursday night-uk].
had found out today she was in hospital since tuesday to be induced and in the end she had to have diamorphine and had lost a lot of blood so was kept in a bit longer-she only got out this afternoon [saturday].

self,mum and dad went to see the baby,sister and bro in law this afternoon.
we only got back not long ago-tonight so heres a photo till tomorrow.

was told the little madam has slight jaundice,which is normal for babies due to something or other which dont know what the hell she was going on about,but she is ok-that will go away,
she seems super intelligent,and was told by sis am natural at calming her-kept her quiet throughout all her kickoffs,though got pissed on by her which didnt matter-coudnt stop laughing,at least it aint self doing it for once.

she kept making gang signs,and sticking her middle finger up at people,as well as the backward V sign-though cannot be blamed for teaching her swearing signs this time.

they are going to teach her makaton as soon as possible,as babies can learn sign quicker than speak.

sis had also said something recently which confirmed why she was an awesome sister,
had asked her if it was possible to test for all developmental and learning disabilities, such as autism spectrum,learning disabilities,downs [which has a test] etc,woud she take the test and
get abortion to get rid of them,and she said she woud never get any such tests given the choice,that she woud see them equally whether they were disabled or not and woud love them all the same if they did happen to be born with any condition.

she woud be great at adopting autistic,LD etc kids.

new addiction lately

2011-03-21T18:03:00.000-07:00

am at it every single day usually,and will use different forms of it.
talking of hacking of course.
didnt used to consider self a hacker,as was only using RATs but this isnt the case anymore.
am interested in penetration testing,and have grey hat standards,its extremely addictive-as its helping people out via testing their security.
have informed people when have managed to gain entry to their admin CP,or their cpanel.
have learnt so much by doing it.

a large amount were businesses,who shoud know better.
and there were even bigger groups with sites hacked,though they are staying nameless for obvious reasons.
and one site which shall also remain nameless; the first accessible page upon logging in was the database which had all customers phone numbers,home addresses,credit card details etc-instantly just got out of there,coudnt believe customers who had paid for their service were having their details so easily on view.
all it took was a SQLi sequence,to be logged in as admin.
SQLi in full means structured query languange injection, by using using SQLi sequences as admin and password,had easily gained access-SQLi just confuses the db into accepting a log in,this was no big coding job am talking about.

people really need to think about the sites they are buying from,seriously because am aware of some major ones that have been hacked,including recently-through exploits.

it took a long time to get up to this level,due to learning disability,and it still limits what can do in hacking,but am hoping to improve as far as possible to help others become aware of the security of their site,and have also very slowly been learning C++ at the moment-though nothing has made sense or stuck in head,but am determined to do it....eventualy.
have got a wish to eventually make various programs for people with autism and/or learning disability,and it may not be even possible but woud love to make a free open source internet browser backed up with PECS so people who cant read at all can join in.
and maybe some PECS software that doesnt cost.
and maybe a program which,when a user highlights a sentance;it reads it out more simpler and less literal.
-have got so many ideas that have wanted to make,but cant do it without understanding a programming language.

sneak preview of EDFN!

2011-03-21T17:47:00.000-07:00

The above picture is a sneak preview into EDFN,well....the forum side of it anyway.
have been slowly working on the other part of the site,and also getting side tracked with hacking,but EDFN will be launched for international autism awareness day,which is around the start of april.

if anyone wants to contribute their experiences of ASD,or their experiences of knowing someone with ASD to the main part of the site please email rda.rider .............at............. gmail dot com.

cat addict in the making

2011-03-19T06:04:00.000-07:00

friday-the day after st patricks,was the day sister was expecting the birth of tiddles,also known as her baby girl and some stupid names for ideas she has come up with.
anyway,on friday had finally managed to get tiddles a clothes set,given that kitteh clothing is very rare,this was a awesome thing indeed:

its a kitteh t-shirt and a pair of white shorts,and a pair of pink shorts behind the tshirt.

have decided to put the robinsons equestrian vouchers had got for birthday off sister,to some horsey themed presents for the baby.
technicaly shoud be putting it towards a new pro II riding skull; had unknowingly smashed the top of the current one when was out of control in bedroom recently,pro IIs are only one below the most profesional skull available,so they arent cheap.

tiddles is due any day now,and cannot wait to be auntie.

new riding pics

2011-02-16T10:20:00.000-08:00

they were taken today,had a great lesson-not been able to go because of the weather for a while,as we only have an outdoor but an indoor is finally being built this year.

anyway,enough waffling-pix [with face edits of staff of course,as have not asked them if itd be ok to stick them on here or not,though they were fine with the youtube video]>

jas getting all warmed up for cantering.

jas trot x cantering towards a small jump,to much effort which next photo will prove.....

she plowed straight through it.

thats when the whip was brought out,though for some reason it was a lunging whip so probably spent more time smacking the staff with it,as its that long.

say hello to tiddles

2011-02-16T09:49:00.000-08:00

-the above is the earliest scan of tiddles,aka sisters baby girl,she hasnt gave her a name yet but she mentioned she is thinking of calling her 'orla',urgh yuck,poor girl,shes utter shit at naming.
if remember correctly,she is due the day after st patricks day next month,itll be funny if she is born on st patricks day as all our parents and the rest of family are irish.

providing she is not a screaming little brat [more at home on supernanny],have got big plans for her,hope to get her into horse riding so she gets the chances to do it from very early on if sister can afford it,will be spoiling her to.
sister is going to get her addicted to cats,she will have to as she has several of them with special needs [sandy,who is diagnosed with FHS- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Feline_Hyperesthesia_Syndrome ,the best way to describe it in her case woud be a early trauma triggered personality disorder as she was severely abused and neglected by her previous owner,getting beaten and kicked out everytime she got pregnant but sister rescued her during one of her pregnancies, and then there is ruby-the runt kitten of sandys litter,very undersized,had to be syringe fed specialist cat milk by sister when she was born because of her size and no one wanted her because she was extremely shy of people as sandy warned her off us all the time,but now she is a sociable kitteh].

progress

2011-02-16T08:51:00.000-08:00

if have read this blog for a while,will know have not eaten food for a very long time,and in more recent months,had started to eat again when at mums and dads at the weekends.
have been prescribed specialist liquid food for years which is to be honest,absolutely fucking disgusting,and on top of that have since found out acid reflux is what has been making keeping it down; worse.

but,recently,was given medication for the acid reflux to take and it completely transformed own view of the milkshakes,so am finally keeping them down though they do still taste bad.

have also started to feel more settled here,social worker had even promised was not being moved on as he wondered why everytime he came had tried to avoid him thinking he was here to announce a move to yet another place,as had been the routine before being moved here.

the fact am feeling more settled,is really helping with the food side of things,as one of the major reasons do not eat is for control,as had had no control at all in life when had stopped eating- was being moved about,didnt know when the next move was going to happen,coudnt settle, was housebound at the last place and unable to move out the building and life there was completely unpredictible.
so had used controling food as a way to focus on to try and avoid all this unpredictibility.
....then it became a routine to.

but every time am out somewhere in the car with a staff called longhair [its the nickname that call her,obviously not real name as have been told off for using their first names on here] she buys food for herself all the time and it has become a routine to see her eating,to realise it isnt actualy a shitty thing.

had also began to realise that feel safe with longhair,so last week-for the first time in god knows how long....had eaten first chip from mcdonalds whilst long hair stuffed herself with her usual
big mac,large fries and diet coke to balance it out [shes not fat by the way].
some people think one chip is nothing,and thought it was a joke but that was a huge step to take finally as its like letting grip of what in own mind is control,and because eating is physicaly a difficult thing to do anyway,it probably lasted longer than in the time it took longhair to eat her whole meal.

and yesterday,we had gone here:

a major equestrian/horsey superstore in liverpool called robinsons.
used to go there once a week with national autistic society support staff to check out the stuff and always bought something no matter how small or big.
had not been allowed to go because exactly that,people thought it wasnt fair going there and not having the money to spend.
well because had not gone for so long,was finally allowed back to visit yesterday-staff turned the PA system/music off as they always had done [awesome staff there],and we were checking stuff out until these little kids were running around screaming,the parent who was buying rider gear
was treating the place like a play area letting her kids run riot.
everywhere we went,they ran-so ended up going the opposite,which they ended up running down; screaming as they go,was luckily wearing helmet as head got a beating and did have ear defenders on over it but we didnt get to check out nearly enough and wasnt able to focus on anything but little noisy bastards,seriously cannot believe next month am going to be auntie to one of those,it better not be like that one or they wont be getting presents off auntie emma!

after all that,we went to burger king, longhair stuffed herself as usual,and had got small packet of fries-everyone had thought woud only eat one but ended up eating the whole packet.
took ages of course but managed it!

so today,after horse riding,we went to our usual stop off-starbucks and mcdonalds for longhair, yeah she stuffed herself again,but had got a plain hamburger along with her,and ended up eating it all [yep,slowly,broken up into bits which do with all food],we got a photo of it to prove to everyone back here had done it as no one woud ever believe had gone from eating a chip to a burger:

am not eating here at home yet,but its a big start to getting there by eating with staff.

it will be so much better when eating like other people do,as am still suffering from the flu at the moment-it woudnt be no way near as bad if had been on food and getting energy and all that good stuff that comes from it.

thats a good lesson for people,never use food as control or get obsessed over dieting,the fucking thing will take over whole life and will spiral into a mess of physical and mental health problems.

all was revealed

2011-02-07T15:39:00.000-08:00

after yesterdays shenanigans,and worsening today; the illness/whatever it is triggered a tonic-clonic/grand mal seizure tonight,been a while since the last one.
so am thinking a lot of what have been experiencing were pre seizure auras.

feel utter crap,stiff,weak and horrible but have not had more than one tonight or gone into status epilepticus like last time which had all been triggered by being weakened from some virus,and hopefuly this will not become a constant pattern of seizures,cannot deal with seeing the paramedics every day and missing horse riding all the time.

being ignored

2011-02-06T14:19:00.000-08:00

this is one thing am very fed up of.

beyond the typical headache/migraine type pains/stomach pain,am not able to communicate about sickness.
it is something that do not understand,and dont show like everyone else-it comes out as violence towards others and self and will not know what it is to be able to make it known to others-so can look fine to others as am not acting like they might do in same situation-but it doesnt mean do not feel very bad when ill,any less than others,it means am lost in a sea of hell and confusion.

so,have been progressively getting worse over the past few days,only one person has noticed it and am thankful for translating it-,he even said had never looked this pale before,and he realised why was acting the way that was,which wasnt visible to self.

over the weekend have eaten almost nothing at all.
at mums,will usually eat a lot of fish cakes and chicken nuggets but coudnt have any at all,the only thing have managed is a few chocolate buttons if that-ended up letting sister take a load today.
have felt even more worse today,and this evening after managing to tell staff about how bad was feeling was interupted about one of the lads being sick today,and how he is being sat with by staff and monitored so closely,it felt like no one gave a damn,as this is the norm.

then they forgot to give night time tablets to,they said its because they are busy upstairs sitting with the resident.
people hadnt even realised was sick last week,and the majority of the time people dont even realise when have been ill,even when have got recogniseable problems am not the type to go telling most people,only specific people if that.

its a lot harder for self to recover even from basic colds due to long term not eating and avoiding the ensures,and am a lot more affected by colds and flu than used to be for the same reason, but because am not able to show it like others it does feel like am worthless.
its yet another one to add to the list of things which makes self feel even more worthless and less equal with each one,thanks to this stupid bastard government for not giving any outdoor funding to be able to get out but giving it to all the other residents-am not even taken dog walking anymore,they take all the other residents out to do fun activities instead.
life is a fucking joke,cannot be bothered with this shit anymore.

what possessed whatever made humans to...well...make us-we are the biggest fucking flaw on this earth.

am not usualy one to rant like this,but there comes a point where its to much.
but no,am not suicidal.

visit to the farm

2011-01-24T11:01:00.000-08:00

went to the farm this evening,which was very nice.
got to see lottie,she had a good hugging and a big bowl of food to finish off her spoiling.
then we went to look at matilda and her calf-matilda is a very tame jersey cow.
she got a load of rubs and had gotten a licking off her in return,the little one attempted it as well- she looked like bambi.

not had a good day,so it was very nice having this quick trip out.
here is some of the photos taken:-with lottie,she was desperate to get into her house for some food.

had to brighten this one up in GIMP as it was very dark,am being given a licking bath by matilda-can just about see her tongue out-ready for action in this.

and here is lottie,kindly showing us where her house and food cabinet is,as if we dont know already.

EDFN updates

2011-01-22T10:34:00.000-08:00

have got the forum fully installed and nicely skinned now,it was quite difficult working around as have not worked with full on phpBB for some years and it was a lot more simple then.
had to upload every single tiny file and folder that makes up the coding one by one in server CPanel as FTP wasnt working-so had spent days just uploading.

needs a lot finishing off,but getting there.
getting some mySQL errors,but luckily it isnt because have fucked up uploading, am using free hosting which is pretty good mostly,just has the odd overload as its free shared server hosting.
may transfer it to a paid shared or dedi server if the site gets popular.

please wish lots of luck for next week

2011-01-22T10:20:00.000-08:00

next week,have got a meeting going on,that involves social worker,key worker,pyschologist,and our home and organisation managers-not sure who else is going.
not going to be joining them-hate official stuff like that,but pyschologist is coming straight after to explain what went on,outcome and all of that.
-its a meeting to try and get the extra funding back off the council,as pysch,staff and so on have been collecting logged evidence that this funding is needed and makes a huge difference to life,
will be able to do PT voluntary work mucking out horses if this goes ahead,and see lottie every week hopefully! what person who isnt disabled only gets to see their pet every few weeks if they are lucky? how they get this past the discrimination laws is beyond own thinking.

a new ASD site launching-SOON

2011-01-20T06:49:00.000-08:00

a new site is launching soon,called EDFN [embrace difference,fear normality],dedicated to the whole autistic spectrum,not just one severity,functioning, area or age group-like what usualy happens with 'ASD' sites.
-as well as autistics,it welcomes people of all ages,and people who are indirectly connected to ASDs in some way [such as families/parents with autistic children].
-the message of EDFN is that people need to always believe in hope and a positive future for their autistic son/daughter/sibling etc regardless of severity,that autistic adults are not the same as autistic children, and that people with any ASD label can be successful in life with the right support.
-EDFN is not an extremist anti cure site,its pro choice as have never agreed with the way people believe they have a right to force their belief on others when they do not experience an ASD the same way.
however,it is about spreading encouragement,supporting the autistics who already exist instead of abandoning us and spending money on future cure research that may never happen.
anti cure/pro cure people are welcome to the site,if they can respect that everyone has their own view and not to force theirs on others.

it will be an actual site,plus a phpBB forum-have not finished installing the forum, will be doing that today hopefuly all going well then starting the site off.

have got the next part of this autism project waiting to start as well once the site is finished.

heres where the power of autistics,self diagnosed autistics,and families/friends/ support staff etc of autistics come in.
the site will have a section on how ASDs affect ourselves and everyone around us,life experiences,-peoples personal experiences.
if woud like to share own story,please email: rda.rider [AT] gmail dot com.

thanks.

more information on EDFN coming very soon.

stirrups are for cowards

2011-01-20T06:41:00.000-08:00

at the weekly riding session this week,it was exclusively dressage training-practice for RDA dressage exams to be exact.
am now able to get jas into canter from halt,and can do rising trot without any stirrups,and had also learnt to hold and use a whip for the first time.
roll on summer,hope to ride fully bareback the odd time again if jas allows it.

designer equipment,on the NHS

2011-01-20T06:23:00.000-08:00

today,the new padded helmet [prescribed this time] FINALLY arrived from hospital,it had only been sent out this week.

surprisingly though,it wasnt the illuminous stand out one had expected from them,it was a quality puma rugby helmet:

[^photo taken via laptop cam by the way].

the neuros had told us the hospital has never dealt with specialist helmets before,and these are hard to come by in the UK as they were mostly phased out.
but they use rugby helmets for epileptics/challenging behavior on the wards,which are actualy better in a lot of ways as they are more surrounding and protective and not as standoutish.

neuro is also coming to visit next week,though am seeing pyschologist same day so dont have to, as neuro only has to see staff.

update on neurologist visit

2010-12-09T17:27:00.000-08:00

A update to the hellish neurologist visit have posted about at an earlier date:
http://theresidentialautist.blogspot.com/2010/11/going-into-hospital-and-coming-out.html

-Have been sent an apology by him for going home,he said he hadnt realised we were in the hospital as the receptionists hadnt bothered to pass it on.

-the hospital finally seem to be understanding how difficult it is accessing the hospital-the neuro has offered to do a home visit,and said after that appointment,wont need to go to the epilepsy clinic as staff will be able to go on behalf.

Laptops and dirty minds

2010-12-09T16:47:00.000-08:00

needed something good to look forward to,yesterdays purchase was a good distraction-ordered an acer ferrari one ultra slim laptop [size of a netbook, power of a good non gamer laptop,with awesome colour and the horse badge],expecting delivery tomorrow hopefully all going well seeing as paypal was being DDoSed like crazy yesterday.

Today was pyschologist day [see her every week at home],she is very funny and nice.
She is trying to help with loads of issues, and she writes everything down.

she was asking the staff how to spell another staffs name who had been on last week to find out about a incident off her,and she said to pysch "oh...it starts with...*thinking*...S..H......*thinking*" whilst she was in her own world [as they say about us] being of the helpful type had quickly said to the pysch "I..T" to finish off the word,and she writes it down whilst looking at the staff for approval,not realising what it said.
the staff nodded her head and said "yeah,thats it",so the pysch looks down to carry on writing but then realised what she had written.
whoops!

both of them said they hadnt had enough sleep,and funnily enough at the same time was being shown PECS based stuff on why am lacking sleep and what happens through lack of sleep,didnt realise was going to get a live demonstration as well,value for money!

speaking of swearing,either this week or the last,we were making christmas decorations,to be put up on this coming monday and they were big letters that had been cut out to spell something or other [no idea what] -was given the job of doing all the arty stuff on the letters.
once they were done and dry,the finger unfortunately slipped a few times and before we knew it had spelt out 'shit' on the table with the letters-our manager seen it and said it needs rearranging incase someone sees it,so he swaps the I for an A,to make 'shat', [to use in an example if have never heard this word before-"biscuit has shat over the side of the litter tray again"],he never noticed until it was pointed out.

a winters walk

2010-12-03T13:35:00.000-08:00

every friday have got a routine of going out for a walk in the village, with some 'goggy' friends [owned by one staff,and his mates unfortunately], and even though it was severely icy,the attitude was-fuck it why not, anyway.
so we went for our walk,prepared with walking stick things of course because of how dodgy the ice was,they dont get gritted or anything like that there,its the real country.

we went along with others we know who took some photos of us for the ASDAN towards independance course am doing- unfortunately cant show it in full as it has one of the staff on but it looks very christmasy:
-the chocolate labrador is ralph,the smaller black dog is ralphs brother called hugo-who sometimes visits,and the other black dog is rocky.
rocky is a rotweiler X labrador,but has none of the rottweiler nasty in him,he is a super friendly dog with doggy ADHD who also thinks even cows and horses are dogs,and attempts to befriend them [video of this coming up shortly].
-the only true woofer of the group is hugo,but he wasnt to bad today so had a good walk with him.

it wasnt long before we came across our equine friends along the trail,
we know who owns them just not their names,theres a shetland and young skewbald cob,rocky is naughty-he teases them by running around the field and gets them playing chase-though despite that they are friends,heres a photo from today as well with the ponies and ralph:

after we finished walking the dogs,we went for the usual end part of the routine-a coffee,in the best tea rooms in the whole of the UK.
lounged with the owners cats harvey and nicks [her kittehs] and maisy-a awesome cocker spaniel X puppy with an identity crisis,she thinks she is a cat.

having a difficult time at the moment,it helped a lot getting out.

progress with the helmet

2010-12-02T16:11:00.000-08:00

the wait for an extremely long awaited aid [though not all the NHSs fault] is finally coming to an end!
was due to go to hospital again tomorow to get head measured for the padded helmet,but they had contacted earlier this week to say dont have to come staff can just measure with a tape measure instead.

have had head measured before in robinsons when buying jockey skulls and on the current skull/helmet am using [pro II] its got the size sticker on there but everyone thinks itll be different because its a riding thing.

still having those stupid funding issues at the moment,going to kick this bloody councils arses in if they dont sort it out as they are through their choice saying that have to be housebound and dont need to go out the door,by having removed the little outdoors funding that had.
fucking conservatives,thanks to not getting out the major depressive disorder is getting worse again,though was the last one to know-only the pysch noticed today.
stuck inside,fuck all to do,what person woudnt go crazy seeing the same walls of their bedroom, getting no mental/hands on stimulation and exercise? plus have lost so much tolerance in terms of sensory stuff since being severely restricted by this funding loss,have lost all tolerance had ever had for outdoors.
not their fault in the slightest but its unbelievable that am living with others who due to the borough they are originaly from they have no problems with this funding,this complete lack of equality of fairness in care is disablist and very wrong.

think will be writing a letter to MPs about this.

going into hospital and coming out worse than went in?

2010-11-13T10:15:00.000-08:00

on friday it was the usual epilepsy review at hope hospital,a big neurology specialist hospital in a shithole called salford.

we were supposed to have been there on time,but had not been told about the lack of disabled parking,with most spaces available being taken up by non blue badged cars.

we were driving around for ages looking for a space,and found one eventually near by.
the hospital had told staff all week a sound proofed room was sorted for the appointment,and to phone them when we were going to set off so the waiting areas in neuro department coud be kept as quiet and empty as possible.
in reality,the noise hit as soon as we got out,lots of building work going on on their new buildings.
going in the door is hard enough as they have fans on which sound like wind tunnels.
though was being comfortingly restrained on each side by manager and a staff-who both make self feel safe and secure,was still hitting out though hopefully had aimed it at self.

when we got into the main general reception bit,it was rammed with people,have been a user of that hospital since a toddler and can never remember having heard it like that before-it was extremely noisy and overloading,one of the staff who went to sign in and to beg for a quiet room whilst we were in reception was told there werent any rooms avilable and it was required now that everyone has to sign in that area first before signing into the unit are having an appointment in-was later told the cue here was huge,adding more time on the waiting,they eventually told staff it was to late-that the neurologist had gone home,but it hadnt of mattered anyway as had end up kicking off but quickly shut down sue to being so severely overloaded.

apparently,a older lady staff of the hospital who was very nice had tried to help in every way possible,she grabbed a wheelchair [due to being unconcious and likely to have todds paralysis afterwards],and was put into it by staff,and brought to a quiet room in the nearby cancer unit.

when had recovered and woken up,it was clear was not going to be able to walk,so it was decided to go home,and was wheeled out by own staff.

its a long while since have had such a bad experience of hospital, some of them are great people and go above their job to help whilst others coudnt care,they woudnt allow us to go through short cuts to bypass the overloading areas and corridors like other hospitals do.
am already hateful of hospitals,and this is just going to make it so much worse,trafford general,the walton neuro institute and the nightingale building at wythenshawe hospital shoud get awards for how they accomodate autism needs,but there are only specific staff of hope hospital woud personally give them to.

anyways,enough whinging,off to give this bugger:her anti pyschotic medication [some rubs and head scratches].

theres a rat in the house

2010-11-13T08:07:00.000-08:00

unfortunately,have not gotten any pet rats [not for the past few years any way].
no,this is a RAT of a different kind,its sneaky,quick and easy going [much like the real ones] but this RAT is on the computer,and provides some great entertainment if happen to have computer challenged relatives or others.

RAT stands for remote administration tool,its a piece of software that once installed on a computer,can by controlled and used exactly as it shows on their screen-from anywhere in the world,and if theres anyone using it the person remote administrating can see what theyre doing.
so,today had installed 'logmein' on dads computer,moving the mouse thingy around and so on.
showed mum how it worked,and she said its a good thing to have as he supposedly spends so long on there he must be looking up pictures of naked women,no-he just listens to tipperary fm and downloads lots of crappy 'bogger' music off amazon.
-a full size screenshot of it here in action [click on it to see full view, he knows am posting it here-just showed him-he wanted everything identifyable to his computer removed-due to being paranoid from having had his bank account wiped out from online buying before]:

its pretty awesome software,not in a hacker sense which is what many people use RATs for,but for connecting to own computer when somewhere else and transfering files easily enough or playing music from the hard drive of the host computer.
wish had known about it when had had a PC RAID set up [multiple hard drives,so coud have transfered a lot of non replaceable photos easily.dad had stored PCs in the shed allowing them to go damn and ruin].

horse business

2010-11-10T14:49:00.000-08:00

had a good day once again with jas.
jas,for once was actually going over jumps and not ploughing through them like she usually does-the sun was shining for once,didnt get to ride due to the sensory nightmare last week [rain].
she had been such a good madam that we got her a bucket of her favourite horse nuts,was running with the bucket back to her stable in front and poor nat was being dragged along in the dash for food.

have uploaded the jumping video to youtube:

have been told have been given an award for riding due to how much better have gotten,and theyre presenting them at christmas,its pretty awesome stuff,had even been recommended for the paras and specials [paralympics and special olympics] in horse riding if sensory side ever improves.

going to visit the usual pro show jumpers yard again hopefully next week with the owner of the residential organisation am under,as shes friends with them-we did a trade sort of thing,if woud go back on the ensures and drink at least one in the morning and one at night- for a week or so,woud be taken to the yard,and also have a riding lesson with her to look forward to hopefully and a trip to a racing yard to.

the adventures of lottie

2010-11-09T16:36:00.000-08:00

its not often that get to visit lottie at the farm,thanks to the current fund cutting scumbaggery of the council which am having to go through at the moment,but today had been able to go visit the madam and she must have thought it was christmas when she saw some boxes of her favourite kitteh food-whiskers being taken out,she doesnt usually put all the effort in coming over to greet us:
here she is lining up for a big jump,as she is a food lover and cant wait for the door to be fully open.

this is often the end we usually see anyway,when she shoves it in our faces:

a post dinner/pre barf hug for lottie,dont get many pictures of her with self at all [apart from one],and she doesnt like doing front hugs like this usualy,shes more of a bear hug cat,like self.
we filled her water dish up,and left her to rest her overworked belly, have found out she has another boyfriend on the go now,and dont even know his name-hes one of the semi ferrals,looks like her other boyfriend kai.
he comes in and steals her food from under her nose and she lets him.
all in a days work for lottie.

blackpool

2010-10-27T11:16:00.000-07:00

am still at mums till sunday,but aunty/uncle and cousins went back early this morning,its been a nice experience.
some people have family over all the time and whinge about them,mum does that but no one listens to her thankfully.

we all went to blackpool on sunday afternoon,sister and her boyfriend came along to.
we were at the complete opposite end to where all the rides and stuff are,it was so busy there werent any disabled parking spots free at all anywhere [something which became a larger issue later on].

we had walked all the way along the beach,then all those greedy bastards wanted to stop and stuff themselves,so was sitting on the beach,with sister and dad whilst the rest went and ordered stuff [sorry the family arent really greedy bastards theyre just the opposite of self with food].

took this as a chance to get some photos of the beach before it got to dark,unfortunately the camcorder has no flash so didnt to many good ones but will stick up some super awesome ones that uncle took with his new d-SLR camera-might take him a few years to organise it and work out how to copy and paste to his computer,seriously tempted to get a digi SLR now.

as soon as it got dark,and the infamous 'blackpool lights' came on,it was a very different scene to how it had just been,was suddenly left coping with booming music and PA systems going off from all the bingo halls/arcades,stalls and shops,the lights were flashing at the pace of strobe lighting-but was determined to buy something from blackpool as always have done,had fancied an airgun but dad was having none of it.
was also trying to buy a stick of rock for each staff [which unfortunately didnt manage to do so because of the music].

was getting quite agressive from the overload and attacking out so was physically restrained on both arms by sister and dad,the thing that ended up buying in the end was a cat tshirt,
but had paid a heavy price in having routine-being forced into a never ending squealing moshpit of kids with more flashing lights than an illegal rave-a tonic clonic seizure.

the car was parked very far away,and the only drivers in our group had all buggered off with the kids to the pleasure beach [where the rides are] so was left to be dragged back to the car by sister and dad.
still...being a stubborn git with routine has it good points,got some awesome blackpool donuts out of it as well as the kitty tshirt,and got to laugh at everyone else who came along to who did not stop moaning-they all brought just a jumper,no gloves or anything,had personally come prepared with the deep pressure vest,a coat,a heavy hoody,a hat and gloves-what pillock woud go to a UK beach and think itll be warm with the winter wind blowing on the sea.

its been great having aunty,uncle and cousins over-theyre planning to come over for the birth of tiddles next year [what have called sisters unborn baby,due march-though she isnt liking the name somehow],looking forward to it already.

family stuff

2010-10-23T06:03:00.000-07:00

got relatives due in any moment now,from tallaght in dublin,staying at mums for a week.
-an uncle,aunty and cousins-one just turned adult age with classic autism and teenage cousin has learning disability.
rarely ever see any relatives as theyre all mostly in other countries [ireland,new zealand and canada] and cannot use planes or ships.
have bought aunty and uncle a bunch of flowers and cousins a big tub of chocolates as presents,was going to get a bottle of bollinger,moet or krug for uncle/aunty but dad mistakenly told staff she doesnt drink champagne.
got loads of stuff planned with them.

discovering life in a different way

2010-10-21T13:32:00.000-07:00

havent posted on here for a while due to a very accute problem that had become a very difficult journey mentally.

since last year,have been developing worsening mental health symptoms which had all been put down to the non existant diet [no eating at all for almost a year now] and refusal to drink most of the ensure [refusing due to the company changing the bottle and flavour which is now unstomachable] but it had all started before had stopped eating completely.

since early last year or possibly even earlier,have been severely depressed without realising because of the level of difficulty have got with understanding feelings and missing some, had only recognised it when it got to the point was suicidal but it went so much further and deeper than that,including developing pyschosis where had ended up attacking staff whilst having some very accute episodes of it.

people had thought it was past problems [like with the past residential homes have been in,and much older history] causing the issues,and was refused a chance to find out about medication because was told no medication woud help,but in recent weeks had been suicidal every day,constant suicidal thoughts,cutting every day, barely moved out of bed or own bathroom [where hide away in],and was also accutely paranoid,paranoid delusional and halucinating [tactile and visual] ,was unscrewing door handles with a flat knife had managed to steal as felt in serious danger from staff [delusion]- was attacking them and baracading self in bedroom and smashing the place up,and so much more fucked up stuff.

every day was wanting to disappear so badly.
to add to it all,those bastards at the council had not even gone through with what they had promised,as we have to have seperate funding for getting outdoor time-to pay for extra staff,was promised the funding but they had turned around and gone back on it,every other resident has the funding as they come from different boroughs,
and am expected to stay in the building everyday seeing the same walls and ceiling with nothing at all to do inside but sit and think, whilst everyone else has priority and can get out and do activities-am only taken out if theres any spare time left over.
the bastards had refused to pay for the extra single pane of glass without going halves with the organisation am with,and they cheated self out of this funding!
am not putting up with it any longer and have typed a letter for social worker,and want to contact MP as well,as the managers have been fighting for this small amount of funding and still get the same answer.

so recently,was at lowest point,had managed to finally convince staff that need to see GP as was so fed up of this-had actually gone with sister in the end to the appointment,she heard every detail off sister and did not judge like others have done,was diagnosed with severe major depressive disorder with pyschosis,and said the pyschosis had probably developed through the depression being left untreated.
she said the only action possible is medication and was prescribed a quick acting SSRI that was compatible with all the meds am on- a maximum doseage of cymbalta.

was refered to the LD pyschiatrist by own LD pyschologist,as the GP said pyschosis is to specialist an area for her to treat-so need to get meds via the pyschiatrist,appointment shoud be in a month have been told.

the cymbalta has been life changing in differing ways-am becoming like old self again,the suicidal obsessive thoughts have disappeared and havent attempted suicide,and it has completely removed the cutting-have not cut once since the drug had kicked in-which has been a way of coping since early adult hood [infant age if include cutting with fingernails and teeth] ,and its also completely stopped the carotid strangling,staff say they can see the change to.
the pyschosis hasnt changed but had never realised just how much the depression had taken over life.

have got depressive history that can trace back to teenage years,when had taken a box full of co codomols,but as was not able to tell anyone nor wanted to,it didnt get found out-not even the puke up the wall with stomach lining and partly disolved pills were noticed by mum when she cleaned it up,only sister really knows and understands.

people think only aspies have depression but from own experience, and a number of other classic autists have lived/live with,we are not immune to it and people shoud always look out for it in classic autists as it isnt as easy for us to understand or communicate,
its usually always put down to challenging behavior and we are punished severely when we may already feel severely punished by our own heads.

motability car at last [slight update]

2010-09-11T17:26:00.000-07:00

finally got it at last!
it had to be changed from metalic blue to metalic red in the end,as citroen said they didnt have any more blue for months,but had finally got the car on friday.

its a citroen nemo multispace,and is huge inside-looks smaller on the outside than it is on the inside!
its an awesome smooth ride,a very quiet car,easy to get in and out of.
the seats have modern fabric on them,and being a tall backseat only passenger can say have never been in a more comfortable car-huge leg/head room.the driving staff say exactly the same thing as well as its got an arm rest for that seat.
the floor isnt carpeted,its plasticy,rubbery sort of which is great as it means am able to help clean it instead of doing what everyone else does and taking it to cleaners.

still waiting for an OT visit to get the crelling harness for the car sorted out,as it has to go through them,CQC [the police of uk residential centres/homes] treat the crelling harness as physical restraint and have to get it written down by the OT as a need,so CQC cant complain,otherwise they woud have to be informed everytime it was used in the same way they already have to everytime regular restraint is used.
the only real issue have got with it is the radio,it automatically turns on everytime the engines switched on,a lot of people dont notice radio noise,really need to find a way to keep it turned off without pulling it out.
was given a boquet of flowers along with the car by the citroen garage,which was very nice as not many shops woud do that,the colours are very nice to look at.

have only got a few photos of it but they identify home to much,and because have gotten into a lot of trouble with photos [though no idea what for],will only stick this one on for now,until can get better ones tomorrow....yea its a shit looking one of the inside,but will edit some better ones in tomorrow.

[edit]
Some more photos of the car,finally worthwhile to show relatives as well,mum was wanting to put on her good trousers to come out and see it when was dropped off at the weekend,cant take them [parents] anywhere.

have got a thing about the patterns on wheels,and become instantly tranced by them,so took a photo of the citroens:
theyre a bit shit and plasticy,as far as these things go,they are just wheel trims not alloy wheels,had wanted to get some alloys added on as well,but everyone says they are to expensive and with this being on motorbility there may be some issues over replacing wheels like that as its on contract.

have found some awesome looking alloys,very nice patterns will just make do with looking at all the alloy patterns on the bentleys/mercs/jags or whatever in the sainsburys car park for now.

teeth and other stuff

2010-09-11T16:05:00.000-07:00

havent been on since july,it doesnt seem good that cant remember anything apart from this week.

this week finally had to part from an old friend for good.
was in hospital for another round of day surgery again,though this time there wasnt any root canal as far as can remember,had to have first ever tooth removed [and have some fillings done].

the disability dentist that have,was awesome as always and came to visit a few times to discuss what was going to happen,staff had gotten film of the all the routes woud be doing inside the hospital on the camcorder which always helps.
the learning disability nurse from the hospital had come to visit to go through everything,as well to bring a pecs schedule of the visit,and to drop some equipment off so coud get used to them again.
was not feeling very well about it,partly because of uprooting to hospital for the day,but also because had never had a tooth out,and having a severe nerve condition which is always triggered by dental work.

had gone in the minibus with staffs that felt very safe with,and brought quilt and other things to try and feel as at home as possible,luckily was on the top of the op list so it was so early it was when all the kids were being forced out their houses and going to school.
it also meant was well out of it as hadnt slept the night before,which in some ways had helped as did not have a lot of power to be triggered,and slept more than head banged or ticced.

was let in the back way to the ward,and into the same side room that always go in,was also looked after by same nurse that was looked after last time,which was awesome!

one thing that had kept self going,was thinking about when biscuit got some teeth out,she had a few out-if a big wuss of a cat can cope with that then so can an adult.
we all walked down to the room where they do the injection,was very glad they didnt do any of the BP testing till was out.
they had quickly put the canula in hand no messing with putting it in like what usually happens,then they shot some tiny bottles of clear liquid through it,then a syringe full of white liquid,then like that was coming around looking up to staff and nurses,was told was in recovery,then brought back to the side room,felt well out of it.
took ages to come around from it this time,everytime kept getting a bit of strength was just sent back to sleep again,was given morning meds as soon as possible as was not allowed to drink redbull with them before being put to sleep.
had never tasted anything as sickening as redbull and a mouthful of blood,jesus-coud not get rid of that taste,disgusting!!
then after waking up again, for some reason felt like was burning up-extreme,had never had this after a GA before.

was supported over to the chairs,where just rolled over to sleep again-burning up and feeling sick from temperature-staffs and nurses all said they had actually felt quite cold so it was obviously self just being weird.
the nurse got hold of a fan which helped self to cool better,and come back to normal better-that was a very weird experience.
the next day,the dentist rang to see how was doing,she is a very nice person all the staff are at the hospital-am making them a hand made thanks card for all the help they did.

that was wendsday-the pain was quite bad as it had set off the stupid facial nerve,felt like ripping off face it was that bad.
mouth is covered in ulcers,throat is scarred from having the tube down [a usual side effect of GAs for self] which was probably the worst pain,was also dribbling constantly on one side from the local anaesthetic still having an effect-dont know where it all came from.

today is saturday,and its only just feeling a bit better now,but the tooth area has got a bit worse,sisters boyfriend [a dentist] thinks from what have told him over msn it might be infected or 'drysocket' developing,well fuckthat.

in a few months theyre putting a implant tooth in [after it heals],they have to screw that into the jaw,am not allowed the clip on ones because of high risk from head banging/punching and seizures,as they said this woud break all the teeth it was attached to.

-tooth stuff out the way..................have been given some very weird news,am going to be an aunty,as was told by sister this week she is having a baby [due march next year] ,saw her first scan,looks like a proper baby and everything but everyone is saying its not bigger than a hand right now-actually think will like this aunty thing when it comes out.
am planning on spoiling it,maybe get it a little toy every week,and buy it some clothes for when its born.

wendsday again

2010-07-28T15:42:00.000-07:00

went to the new riding school today.
slowly starting to get used to everything there,though not ready for riding there yet.

walked around the indoor arena with staff,the riding instructor and ozzy,it was very busy with kids in the joined cafe as its unfortunately the school holidays.
ordered the libra bareback pad today,to use whilst riding ozzy.

am not seizuring badly every day anymore,as the anti bs stopped the illness that had probably been helping to make them worse.

have also just ordered some PECS software,its nearly impossible to get hold of the board maker disc as its shared out between so many people [even though it also needs installing board maker wont work without a disc in,probably anti piracy thing-not like most people who have it are likely to be sticking it on bit torrent any time soon].

also on plans,is some new youtube videos.....
the speech therapist came recently, and mentioned she had seen the old makaton video that had made years ago with support staff-and have been encouraged on to make more,plus some on PECS as well [thanks if are reading this].
so am going to get back into it again,and have got good ideas for the videos.

hopefully very soon,am getting a webcam/CCTV-IP? camera setup in lotties mannor at the farm,so will be able to watch her from anywhere in a non stalker way,it will allow us to see how many boyfriends she has got stealing her food as well.
woud be awesome if we coud have one in all the main animal areas, to see what they get up to when people arent there,as they all go crazy when people arrive.

finally,am hoping to get a specialist bed,as current one is knackered and not safe to use,was told the ones we had been looking at [kinderkeys padded ones] woud use up to much of savings,so we are looking into hopefully getting something like it through OT as that is where all of own wall padding originally came through.

piss,doctors and freecycle

2010-07-15T15:11:00.000-07:00

the gp came today,wasnt a great experience,as was starting to get quite out of control from yet another day of new mostly unplanned faces about, luckily had beaten up the table and not the doctor or staff,as woud rather knock self out than harm anyone else.

they tested a piss sample there and then,which didnt show anything [other than it being piss],and at the end of it,they said the signs are deep dental infection which can cause all the symptoms am having, so have been prescribed amoxycilin liquid [that yellowy banana stuff].

nearly made the mistake of drinking the piss as it was in one of the disposeable cups that drink redbull in,and it looks exactly like redbull which had been drinking at the time,no loss if had done,probably woud have been spat all over someone else,needed something to laugh at today.
afterwards was ticcing very badly-the usual,normal stuff.

not been as bad tonight as was last night,but have had the fever and sickness on/off all day,think might have had abscense seizures as well.

was mums birthday this week,and had been thinking about getting her something off freecycle,as she will whinge about anything that buy not been good enough,have bought her hugo boss perfume before and she complained about it [though doesnt stop her wearing it].

have been thinking of whether to put up some wanted item posts on freecycle, an old large enough bucket-shes always wanted a downstairs toilet,so nows her chance? might just buy her one from the worst shop possible to give her something real to complain about this time,and cant forget some cheapo sandpaper like toilet roll either,but she already buys that so may just actually buy her sand paper.

she is actually serious about that downstairs toilet,might just dig a hole in the back garden,stick a wendy house over the top [that have gotten from freecycle],and itll be like old times for her [her house,as a child had outside toilets].

wendsday,yes its a shit title

2010-07-14T13:33:00.000-07:00

had a better day today-no full seizures at least,though have got a fever and feel knackered all the time.

this morning had finally gone to start the part-changeover to the new riding school,had had a few meltdowns already ontop of feeling not well so was trying hardest not to show it as otherwise woud not have been allowed out.
did get to go out,but it wasnt mostly a good experience-nothing to do with the riding school,who are very understanding and willing to support in any way,nothing to do with the jasmine cob will be riding most of the time [called ozzy],and nothing to do with support staff it was because was not able to do usual routine which is starbucks afterwards,they said it was to much of a risk to be out for that long with the way the seizures are right now,as soon as got back just went into own shower/toilet room and smashed head off the wall to knock self out-as was going to end up triggered by the building crap in head about it.

have not been out since wendsday last week because of not being well or had a starbucks since then,and have been getting low blood sugar [frapachinos are full of sugar was told once before by a dieting staff] so one of these woud of helped,though might have just been desperate to use that as an excuse anyway.

the horsey visit...
his name is ozzy,he is the friendliest horse? pony? [coudnt work out which but he is a cob] around-he is another jasmine cob,which makes it a lot easier in getting used to him-here is a photo of him,he was wanting to see the stable cat as well,which was what had bent down for:

shannon,the horse was supposed to be riding,is to be used as backup for when ozzy is ill/in use,though woudnt be able to just swap like that so hope it doesnt happen.

besides all of that,have broke part of the laptop again,one of the boys was set off right next to self,which in turn set self off-so must have kicked out from the pain at the nearest thing/laptop.
bloody tracking pad and one of the mouse buttons is knackered again,
is lucky it has lasted this long,through this much damage as well, as was told the hard drive is under the tracking pad so can easily make it not work.
will be getting it fixed as soon as possible,at least its useable,just abit of buggering about to get do it.
for some reason it wont drag down,or to the sides,but will do all the other movement.
the last time it was broken it was that bit that got damaged,these things shoud come with protective cases.

same old crap

2010-07-13T15:36:00.000-07:00

feeling very bad at the moment.
since last week,the paramedics have been called out most days,due to having multiple worsening seizures-they stopped without needing to go to hospital to sort them out which is a huge bonus,but have been told its heading for status epilepticus,unless get meds sorted as soon as possible,and GP wont add on anti epileptic meds,apart from prescribing benzos for emergencies.

paramedics had told staff to phone as soon as the seizure happens, so am unconcious and able to be brought into hospital,as otherwise will refuse to go in,but luckily had come around by the time they got here.
the medics today were very experienced in autistic adults and children,and were probably the most understanding paramedics have ever known.

one of them is dropping off a print out photo of her fluffy cat [like biscuit different colour],and she really understood the issues was having ,but was fucked up to badly react anyway.

they said blood sugar level[?] was low,and temperature was high,and think might have an illness which is what is making seizures worse,so GP is finally coming out-they had to force him.

am not riding tomorow,its the introducing to the new riding school thats going to be happening [slowly],will be first time out since last wendsday mostly because of the seizures,cant wait to get out.

medication changing

2010-07-09T16:33:00.000-07:00

due to being helped to see what am doing to self by not taking ensures,as well as the warnings off paramedics that one day soon will wake up in hospital after a seizure [am extremely hospital phobic for sensory,change,new stuff and history-reasons],have slowly started to take them again [since wendsday?] anyway,today,boots brought the new box of them around and coud not believe it-after having built up some strength with them-was told that the company has changed the bottle,so it was put into an old ensure bottle.
all was well soon enough.
then tasted it,never woud have thought ensure coud taste any worse than it does already [a sick strong yogurt taste that stays after in the same way fish oil capsules do],but they have gone one better.
it tastes fucking disgusting!
puked it back up,showed staff-tried to get them to try it as they thought just did not want to take them again,but they woudnt try it as its classed as medication.

so after the long time have spent not eating anything,or taking ensure-getting the strength to start back on the liquid-and the company changes them?

why do medical companies do this?
am fed up of them changing stuff,it might not mean anything to people not like self,but to self it hits faster than anything and makes all the difference between having them and having some shit symptoms from not having them.

new riding school stuff again

2010-07-08T15:34:00.000-07:00

officially start visiting from next week,but not looking forward to it and am denieing it in head.

the plan is will be spending time for some lessons with staff,shannon in the indoor arena,and then the instructor until have got them both and the place into routine,before doing any actual riding.

they do not have bareback pads,but-have been allowed to buy one,which is awesome as had thought theyd say its against insurance.
am either buying the sheep skin lammfelle one jas uses-
http://www.equinewhispers.co.uk/shopping//christ-lammfelle-standard-bareback-riding-pi-237.html?image=0&v7=3be32b2ede60f9f29675ed330550c41d

or,the libra:
http://www.equinewhispers.co.uk/shopping//libra-bareback-riding-pi-242.html?image=0&v7=d0e9e4d65a35b8df8a1c27d4fedb9f7f

hope to get more visits in before the proper visit.

time travel with seizures

2010-07-08T15:00:00.000-07:00

have worked this one out-the past few weeks feel like theyve disapeared and am back at mums at the weekend again,due to the amount of seizures am having,so time travel really exists or so it seems.

during riding this week,was having a long pattern of abscence seizures throughout the whole lesson,the instructor [who is one of the people am led by] got a steel toe cap up his bum as he bent down to put a mini block jump up with jasmine still plodding on-he didnt realise had just skipped time.
have been having bad ones every day throughout the day very recently,and yesterday they called an ambulance as GP does not do out of hours for some reason,we were expecting some emergency eppie pills whilst waiting for the neuro appointment to come up to sort meds out,as already get prescribed diazepam for noise anyway but the gp was rubbish and the paramedics just tried to encourage to go to hospital with them,was out of it for most of it,as if was on a different speed to everyone else,didnt even notice when they stuck the temperature thingy in ear-which makes a loud beep-that woud usually trigger a meltdown if was in a normal state.

they then said they think part of the reason the seizures have got worse,is because am not on any food at all,and have been refusing the ensures for a long while,they said that liquid food like ensure and solid food helps the medication go through body,or something like that-and without any type of food at all,its stopping the medication from working.
have to admit,they coud be telling the truth,and not just trying to encourage taking the ensures like everyone else,but have noticed recently am getting more TN attacks [a fault in the face nerve]-which is part of the reason am on tegretol.
so have managaed to have some of a bottle of ensure last night,had some of this mornings and evenings,and a little of tonights.

they also said am not drinking enough,though that isnt controlled- when feeling the before-seizure signs do not like to drink.

was completely knackered today,and worn out and for the first time ever? had lay in bed during the day-have never done this usually [unless have been severely sick but cant remember last time] as lying in bed is night time routine for self.
had a few seizures today-but only the bad one tonight-just after had had night time medication-this one has left head dented,and it took a while to unstiffen arms and legs,hand is still difficult to use now,and it feels like whiplash in neck,matress has been moved to floor since yesterday so was lucky.

the gp had been phoned today,as he was supposed to come out today,but they said they cannot do anything until the neuro appointment,apart from prescribe supositories of diazepam,fuck that-have had them when younger and woudnt wish them on anyone.

so hoping the little ensure will help cut them down a bit at least,and hope wont be as knackered tomorrow,or seizuring so can at least go out,dont think had cared less about it today with the wya was feeling though.