mum had a serious heart attack the sunday before last and only just got out of hospital on friday.
as soon as she left the hospital doors she had her fags out smoking and then started drinking heavily again when she got home and she hasnt stopped boozing since.
its really hard to know what to do when someone is comitted to destruction and wont get help,she has had depression for longer than alcoholism.
its only the past few years have had any sort of connection with them having grown up being resented,beaten and mentaly abused on a daily basis by both of them [mum only when drunk],regulary over hearing of childrens home talk.
even support staff mentioned recently it is more like a normal parental-child relationship now compared to when they first saw us.
am accepting staff calling dad; dad now as well,as it has started to feel more natural.
am visited by them every wensday and they love seeing all the chicks and chickens.
dad in fact loves them so much last week he ordered them a massive coop and double run without having ever asked him.
am very greatful to parents but wish things coud have been different back then in terms of disability understanding and support for parents as we all lost out on so much and am still coming to terms with the twentyodd years being resented,seen as a burden on the family by near and distant relatives,no hope...
its still very painful.
Monday, 27 August 2012
Thursday, 23 August 2012
finaly...a doctor fucking listens
as with many a autist,have spent entire life struggling with insomnia,even as a toddler when normal sleep patterns are recognised in people; was recognised as a severely poor sleeper who constantly woke up as well.
its been that way for twenty eight years,not being able to sleep till light when everyone else is getting up.
learning disability pyschologists of mine have always refused ANY kind of sleeping aid which was really pissed off by,because so many people walk into their GP surgery saying they had mild/moderate insomnia for a week and they get prescribed bloody benzos [diazepam usualy] or other drugs,yet those of us with autism who have had this problem all of our lives are ignored.
had gave up so much-cut down a lot on caffeine and sugar,only half a cheap redbull ripoff drink per day,at one point had gave up caffeine totaly for months and staff never noticed one change in sleep pattern or behavior.
had started eating food again after going years without it because was told it may help sleep...it didnt.
had changed night routine,introduced sensory things to help sleep,avoided napping in the day...none of this helped.
staff,doctors and pyschs of mine have never understood that am not affected by caffeine in the same way as normal people are;and never have been,it slows thinking down,ex autism specialists that used to be in the learning disability team were the only ones to understand caffeines affect on the central nervous system in people whose neurological systems are not typical.
when growing up had tried every single herbal/supplement type sleep aid sold in chemists and not one of them had an effect even when overdosed.
so was totaly pissed off when had found out off support staff recently the pysch had told them he doesnt want to prescribe even the mildest sleep aid but suggests trying something from the chemist.
he says because sleep has always been like this it is a routine and not a medical problem as such which can be cured with tablets and only making effort to change life will do anything.
living in residential care; have gone through more effort than anyone that know of to prove they need medical help with sleep and it takes the piss when people keep suggesting shit have already done many times over.
so last week had made the decision to go to the GP to override the BS off the pysch and see if the GP woud help in any way.
was with two staff as usual and gripping onto them like a crazy pregnant woman in contractions,because the different environment,unpredictibility and lack of understanding off medical people over the years have led to a phobia of doctors.
he was understanding,and understandably to; he didnt want to prescribe diazepam; didnt want it anyway as am prescribed it for PRN whenever have got any big changes or sensory issues from fireworks and it doesnt fucking work,plus having a medication phobic drug addiction therapist for a sister know all about how addictive benzos are.
he started prescribing something that in one day started to change life for the better,melatonin!
over here have asked doctors for it for years but they said they didnt know what it was,at the weekend had researched circadin with dad,and it turned out in this country [UK] it hasnt long become licenced here,plus its only licenced either for people over fiftyfive or people with autism.
pretty fucking disgusting that autistic kids in this country have had access to it for years off label where we adults have been told to go rot for sleep help.
from the first day had started it taking it,it helped with sleep,am not getting many if any pain killers off staff throughout the night anymore-sometimes that was due to using them as a desperate way to get sleep.
and because its helping with sleep,it means am up during the day,doing things and it is helping to feel a lot better.
the pyschologist had said as long as am sleeping-whether its during the day from exhaustion or night time it doesnt matter,without giving a thought to the fact was never out of bedroom because of this,and being in bed all day was not doing anything or having any quality of life.
its ridiculous someone woud even think like he did when he is supposed to help mental issues in people with learning disability but doesnt think we have a right to a quality of life to.
am not napping alot either only if have had seizures or overloads,melatonin has really changed life for the better and it isnt even a sedative;it just stabilises melatonin levels like anti depressents in clinical depression/major depressive disorder.
woud say to anyone with autism,or a related condition,or someone over fifty five [apparently they start to lack melatonin at that age] -and insomnia to go to the GP and ask about melatonin,in people who lack it the supplement is a life changer.
its been that way for twenty eight years,not being able to sleep till light when everyone else is getting up.
learning disability pyschologists of mine have always refused ANY kind of sleeping aid which was really pissed off by,because so many people walk into their GP surgery saying they had mild/moderate insomnia for a week and they get prescribed bloody benzos [diazepam usualy] or other drugs,yet those of us with autism who have had this problem all of our lives are ignored.
had gave up so much-cut down a lot on caffeine and sugar,only half a cheap redbull ripoff drink per day,at one point had gave up caffeine totaly for months and staff never noticed one change in sleep pattern or behavior.
had started eating food again after going years without it because was told it may help sleep...it didnt.
had changed night routine,introduced sensory things to help sleep,avoided napping in the day...none of this helped.
staff,doctors and pyschs of mine have never understood that am not affected by caffeine in the same way as normal people are;and never have been,it slows thinking down,ex autism specialists that used to be in the learning disability team were the only ones to understand caffeines affect on the central nervous system in people whose neurological systems are not typical.
when growing up had tried every single herbal/supplement type sleep aid sold in chemists and not one of them had an effect even when overdosed.
so was totaly pissed off when had found out off support staff recently the pysch had told them he doesnt want to prescribe even the mildest sleep aid but suggests trying something from the chemist.
he says because sleep has always been like this it is a routine and not a medical problem as such which can be cured with tablets and only making effort to change life will do anything.
living in residential care; have gone through more effort than anyone that know of to prove they need medical help with sleep and it takes the piss when people keep suggesting shit have already done many times over.
so last week had made the decision to go to the GP to override the BS off the pysch and see if the GP woud help in any way.
was with two staff as usual and gripping onto them like a crazy pregnant woman in contractions,because the different environment,unpredictibility and lack of understanding off medical people over the years have led to a phobia of doctors.
he was understanding,and understandably to; he didnt want to prescribe diazepam; didnt want it anyway as am prescribed it for PRN whenever have got any big changes or sensory issues from fireworks and it doesnt fucking work,plus having a medication phobic drug addiction therapist for a sister know all about how addictive benzos are.
over here have asked doctors for it for years but they said they didnt know what it was,at the weekend had researched circadin with dad,and it turned out in this country [UK] it hasnt long become licenced here,plus its only licenced either for people over fiftyfive or people with autism.
pretty fucking disgusting that autistic kids in this country have had access to it for years off label where we adults have been told to go rot for sleep help.
from the first day had started it taking it,it helped with sleep,am not getting many if any pain killers off staff throughout the night anymore-sometimes that was due to using them as a desperate way to get sleep.
and because its helping with sleep,it means am up during the day,doing things and it is helping to feel a lot better.
the pyschologist had said as long as am sleeping-whether its during the day from exhaustion or night time it doesnt matter,without giving a thought to the fact was never out of bedroom because of this,and being in bed all day was not doing anything or having any quality of life.
its ridiculous someone woud even think like he did when he is supposed to help mental issues in people with learning disability but doesnt think we have a right to a quality of life to.
am not napping alot either only if have had seizures or overloads,melatonin has really changed life for the better and it isnt even a sedative;it just stabilises melatonin levels like anti depressents in clinical depression/major depressive disorder.
woud say to anyone with autism,or a related condition,or someone over fifty five [apparently they start to lack melatonin at that age] -and insomnia to go to the GP and ask about melatonin,in people who lack it the supplement is a life changer.
Tuesday, 21 August 2012
introducing even more pet chickens
meet the newest group of pet chickens of mine, only or a week or so old at the moment.
they are a very rare japanese breed called cochins,and they are all blue or part blue [their mum and dad were both pure blues].
they will grow up with a huge pair of feathery trousers on them,they were born with feathery legs! they are a very cute breed.
they are very inteligent and are ahead of the first group of chicks had incubated in various stuff.
unfortunately due to humidity problems in the incubator it had caused a problem in all the eggs called shrink wrapping,this is when the jelly like membrane wraps tightly on the chick and stops it from being able to move to peck its way out naturaly.
so even though other people were saying if they are healthy they will peck their way out,had known something wasnt right and checked it out.
looked up videos and how tos on assisting a hatch,and got straight to it.
had to carefuly deshell the entire egg in tiny bits without ripping any blood vessel,then peel off the outer papery style membrane again without ripping any blood vessel,then very very carefuly slide the jelly like membrane over the chicks head and down which was then disconnected by cutting the placenta.
...had to do this with six eggs no less.
this was an egg done at almost half way there,if look carefuly in the slit in the middle of the egg,its the chicks beak poking through,poor chick was unable to move anything else.
many chick owners will not assist a hatch as there is the belief that if chicks dont make their own way out there is something wrong with them, however shrink wrapping is not a health problem it is a human error that can be fixed by assisting a hatch.
just incase anything was wrong with the chickies,had read on how to safely and very humanely PTS chicks with carbon dioxide-anyone who assists a hatch has to prepare for that in case there is something so severely wrong.
have known many people PTS chicks for deformities which are fine to live with though,one of the maran cockrels of mine;lorna has a deformed toe and he is a bit mental both possibly due to inbreeding,he has a great life and niether of those things affect him negatively.
enough text,heres some more photos of the current chickies;
this is jimbo,taken today,this photo does not do his furry trousers justice but he was only in the mood for a cuddle tonight.
he is named after the old cartoon jimbo the jetset btw,because he is really bad at flying like jimbo in the credits of the cartoon.
jimbo likes to spend time arm surfing whilst mum is on laptop surfing the net.
one of the other cuties,still havent named them yet.
jimbo and another chickie posing some days ago.
hows this for a pose?
bromance! nothing like keeping it in the family.
jimbo face planting the crotch of their favourite snuggly teddybear,for some reason its always the crotch they faceplant.
clashing with a silly old codger in a sainsburys carpark
sorry if anyone actualy reads this blog and gets something out of it,other than the realization there is other bored as fuck autists on the internet.
havent posted on here in ages due to a lovely uncle of mine who gave a money gift when he came to sisters wedding,bought a yearly deviant art subscription with it,and got into a routine of using the journal there.
was at sainsburys today getting a starbucks as have not been able to afford one in ages,such is life as a disabled person.
was with two support staff in the car of one of theirs;its a lovely convertible car,love the sensory input from driving around in it so am usualy trying to persuade him to use his car instead of mine which doesnt have air con so gets very hot.
the blue badge of mine ran out this week and no one had noticed till the day before,so it was in the office at home being renewed by other staff.
due to routine and disabilities,disability parking bays are always required so we were parked in the usual spot but support staffers were going to say the new one was being renewed at home so we didnt have it; car parking attendants have always gave us allowed it before as staff have the organisation and residential home ID visible on them.
anyway,picture this if are the type who can mentaly picture stuff without having seen it- am sat in the back seat as normal [both due to risk assessment and routine],am wearing the same old padded helmet plus clearly obvious ear defenders due to noises; plus am visualy and behavioraly obvious that something isnt of the normie variety.-using makaton,constantly rocking and biting flesh with big old bloody self harm scabs on arm says something aint fuckin right.
and there is a female staff sat in passenger seat;she is younger than self but in twenties somewhere, and the other staff who is driving looks,sounds and paints like rolf harris so is probably around the same age.
anyway,both of the staff arent even finished yapping on about what flavour frappachino they are both getting-and they also had to decide which one of them was going in.
during that time,this old codger comes up to the front of the car strutting like some bad ass and shouts 'do yeh know yeh supposed to be disabled to park here' ,both staff were pissed off at the fact he had the cheek to assume there is a age and look to being disabled,and the male staff says to him 'yes we know actualy,we have a disabled service user in the back,her badge is being renewed as it is out of date'.
so this old codger stands there looking at us right in front of our car muttering away to himself,then sits down opposite us at a table outside the starbucks bit of sainsburys building.
he looks at us whilst telling his wife how we are wrongly parked in a space for disabled people [yeah...some of us can fucking hear,idiot],then she takes it upon her codgery old self to stare at us.
a PEC [AKA a laminated picture for communicating with] of mine,this one in fact:
is made with a photo of the actual blue badge of mine,the female staff was waving it at him but it didnt make a bit of difference.
was totaly surprised he didnt report us to sainsburys car park staff,like some have done before-when we actualy had a valid blue badge on show but we were all young so obviously cant be in need of a blue badge let a lone disabled.
am fed up of this attitude from old people who think the only disabilities are ones which can be helped via the use of a mobility aid,a hearing aid or a white cane/guide dog etc,plus it can never be young people,only old.
coming from a different age when there wasnt much information is no excuse to be ignorant and agressive to other people today; we are not frozen in time,there is no reason why they will not be around the same modern information we all are,they give other old people-who know their shit a bad name.
it is just an excuse to fucking whinge and hold grudges with other serial complainers whilst in the que for their pension.
after grabbing our starbucks,we went to a new doctors clinic for a transition visit,am having a few transition visits before an appointment.
then we got back,and saw to the young outdoor chickens of mine,cleaned out their coop and gave them fresh bed,then cleaned out hennys coop and gave her a super comfy bed as she doesnt have other chickies to snuggle up to.
gave them all pieces of melon which they loved,and left them out to free roam.
havent posted on here in ages due to a lovely uncle of mine who gave a money gift when he came to sisters wedding,bought a yearly deviant art subscription with it,and got into a routine of using the journal there.
was at sainsburys today getting a starbucks as have not been able to afford one in ages,such is life as a disabled person.
was with two support staff in the car of one of theirs;its a lovely convertible car,love the sensory input from driving around in it so am usualy trying to persuade him to use his car instead of mine which doesnt have air con so gets very hot.
the blue badge of mine ran out this week and no one had noticed till the day before,so it was in the office at home being renewed by other staff.
due to routine and disabilities,disability parking bays are always required so we were parked in the usual spot but support staffers were going to say the new one was being renewed at home so we didnt have it; car parking attendants have always gave us allowed it before as staff have the organisation and residential home ID visible on them.
anyway,picture this if are the type who can mentaly picture stuff without having seen it- am sat in the back seat as normal [both due to risk assessment and routine],am wearing the same old padded helmet plus clearly obvious ear defenders due to noises; plus am visualy and behavioraly obvious that something isnt of the normie variety.-using makaton,constantly rocking and biting flesh with big old bloody self harm scabs on arm says something aint fuckin right.
and there is a female staff sat in passenger seat;she is younger than self but in twenties somewhere, and the other staff who is driving looks,sounds and paints like rolf harris so is probably around the same age.
anyway,both of the staff arent even finished yapping on about what flavour frappachino they are both getting-and they also had to decide which one of them was going in.
during that time,this old codger comes up to the front of the car strutting like some bad ass and shouts 'do yeh know yeh supposed to be disabled to park here' ,both staff were pissed off at the fact he had the cheek to assume there is a age and look to being disabled,and the male staff says to him 'yes we know actualy,we have a disabled service user in the back,her badge is being renewed as it is out of date'.
so this old codger stands there looking at us right in front of our car muttering away to himself,then sits down opposite us at a table outside the starbucks bit of sainsburys building.
he looks at us whilst telling his wife how we are wrongly parked in a space for disabled people [yeah...some of us can fucking hear,idiot],then she takes it upon her codgery old self to stare at us.
a PEC [AKA a laminated picture for communicating with] of mine,this one in fact:
was totaly surprised he didnt report us to sainsburys car park staff,like some have done before-when we actualy had a valid blue badge on show but we were all young so obviously cant be in need of a blue badge let a lone disabled.
am fed up of this attitude from old people who think the only disabilities are ones which can be helped via the use of a mobility aid,a hearing aid or a white cane/guide dog etc,plus it can never be young people,only old.
coming from a different age when there wasnt much information is no excuse to be ignorant and agressive to other people today; we are not frozen in time,there is no reason why they will not be around the same modern information we all are,they give other old people-who know their shit a bad name.
it is just an excuse to fucking whinge and hold grudges with other serial complainers whilst in the que for their pension.
after grabbing our starbucks,we went to a new doctors clinic for a transition visit,am having a few transition visits before an appointment.
then we got back,and saw to the young outdoor chickens of mine,cleaned out their coop and gave them fresh bed,then cleaned out hennys coop and gave her a super comfy bed as she doesnt have other chickies to snuggle up to.
gave them all pieces of melon which they loved,and left them out to free roam.
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