respite

wensday is family visit day,and mum and the sis visited with orla and keeva.
had been offered the other day via email if wanted to stay over at sisters house and today was asked again.

quickly took up that offer as am really mentaly worn down from the bullying and the way people denie it happening because they havent got a fucking clue what its like to be targeted by a person & deliberately severely sensory overloaded every time they step out of their doorway because the person likes the reactions,that being in severe oveload gets.

its an insult that am told if do not want to feel bad shoud stay away from anywhere he goes-he goes in every room and hangs around the corridor to mine;theres no way to escape him,he also has responsibility for his actions, people can throw that shit out about him lacking almost all mental capacity as much as they want-but the fact is he can write better than most adults, he speaks fluent arabic and speaks english; no one who lacks mental capacity to the level some people say he has is able to be as independant,high functioning and multi language speaking as he is.

it is not right at all that he bullies em and he bullies the profoundly autistic lad and lady,their parents havent got a clue how much abuse they get off him.


sister said she is going to be speaking to staff about how its been handled but for now am enjoying today and possibly tomorow/thursday at sisters.
heres a photo of a chairmate of mine right now-

ruby,otherwise known as rubelcubes or stinkybum to her friends; as she has leaky anal glands.
we are relaxing on the sofa using the superfast internet that sis/bro in law got installed today.

bullying in residential care

this is one of a few posts have written on bullying in this specific residential centre,come back from mums this morning and what did get? bullying from him again,on top of that was mentaly knackered because got almost no sleep.

the way am bullied by him is not physical or verbal abuse as such.
its sensory abuse and had experienced this back in previous residential homes have lived in as bullies had worked out senses; in particular hearing is an easy target of mine.
what this guy does is shout ems name over and over and over and over;it makes em go into sensory overload-usualy severe,and at its worst will drop wherever am and go ucocious.
he gets a laugh out of it believe it or not,like all bullies.

am fed up of this guys bullying being excused all the time,no one else even recognises it as bullying because he isnt hitting or using specific abusive words,one staff says 'its part of his autism its just how he is' and another staff says he has the mental capacity of a baby and doesnt understand what he is doing and doesnt have the ability to bully-no offence to the staff but its bullshit as he has spoke and behaved like an adult in the front room before when no staff were around then he suddenly flipped into baby mode,he has also had adult conversations and adult behavior with the ex manager here who was strict when they had borrowed the car of mine to take him home [had gone along with them for the ride].
not only that he is fluent in more than just english,he is fluent in arabic as well as thats his first language,have heard him speak to his mum in arabic and he speaks like an adult there; have never heard a non disabled person speak as fluent as he does in arabic.
how anyone can think someone that has been fluent in more than one language and alphabet since a child can have the mental capacity of a baby/toddler is beyond ems thinking.

he has the mental capacity to be an adult when he wants to but he has been
treated like a baby for so long he doesnt want to change as it gets him more attention,he is from a big family where he has had to do anything to direct attention onto himself.
the profoundly autistic lad who lives here gets barely any attention and hes the guy who gets bullied by him to-he twists his ear so much that it bursts open and bleeds,now the profoundly autistic lad truly doesnt have the capacity to understand how to defend himself and it isnt nice seeing him regulary being bullied by him-almost every day.
he also hits the profoundly autistic girl out of no where.

am also abused by the bully in other ways-the sister said it is definitely sexual abuse and she had wanted to complain about it, had already spoke to a staff about it and they said he doesnt have the mental capacity to understand what he is doing so it isnt sexual abuse and that was that, as if it changed the fact it is bullying whatever way that look at it,sister said it is still classed as sexual abuse regardless.
last week had had it done again by him,no one noticed; or cared.


am fed up.
am fed up of telling people this shit and no one caring.
they can all go to hell.

a rant at the up and coming DSM

something thats been bothering for a while....the arguments in the autistic community against the autism changes in the new DSM manual.

have read reports from various so called experts saying that people with aspergers do not want to be lumped in with those of us who have classic autism.
lumped in....ugh.
firstly what makes them assume those of us who have classic autism want to be 'lumped in' with anyone? what makes them assume we are a bunch incapable of giving our views?

why is it,all these years on,people are still only seeing the spectrum in stereotypes?
sorry to use the terms but they assume those of us on the lower functioning side are totaly incapable; some people think we cannot wipe our own arse,we cant speak at all and we are all fucking clones.
they assume people on the higher functioning side are all able to be independant,all minimaly disabled in their life if at all.

people,especialy people who do not directly experience autism spectrum need to keep quiet and stop saying what we want,and stop trying to creat divisions between people on the spectrum.
am fed up of being unable to fit in online in the autistic community because of these bloody divisions which give people who do not experience more severe autism the completely wrong idea about us,and how we think,and how we live and want things.
and am also bloody fed up with the negative language that is always associated with us when other groups are compared to us,eg; lumped in.

the new DSM criteria isnt saying we are all the same,it isnt saying we are clones, aspies can still refer to themselves as that if they want; it isnt a official diagnosis so no one can take a slang word away.
am hopeful  for the long term that this may make the spectrum more inclusive instead of divisive,the seperate autism labels have long caused discrimination, prejudice,disablism  and bullying.
come march,that will be a step towards removing all of this bullshit,we need to be supporting one another not making hierarchies where some individuals think theyre better than others just because they have a different autism label.

world autism awareness day

the self and the SALT [speech and language therapist-she is in las vegas on holiday right now probably playing strip poker;paid far to much].....well em and the SALT have decided to put together something big for the organisation to host a world autism awareness day party sort of thing.

come on guys,not remember the date as well? world autism awareness day is 2nd April,as copied from google.


as the madam has selfishly fucked off on holiday have not bothered to send her the awesome plan have come up with,unfortunately as it has her name in it am not able to post it here otherwise woud be dragged into the office and told off no doubt like social services;learning disability team did for posting the truth about what happened to self in their residentials.

the plan am thinking of is similar to auttreat but obviously on a tiny scale,shorter talks and there being more interaction involved for the person attending as am wanting this to be able to appeal to all audiences-people of all ages who have nothing to do with autism as well as those who are autistic to any level,those who may have an autistic relative/friend and people who work with us.

have got various ideas for what talks they coud use including one that seems to alarm a lot of the autistic community-how the DSM changes will affect diagnosed or yet to be diagnosed autistics- if at all...a class on how to deal with offline and online hate crime & cyber bullying of autistics etc....and classes that coud help the community or people who work with interacting with those of us who are partly or fully non verbal; eg, a makaton class.
-have got a good list wrote down,and in fact that reminds,,,need to go boot up the craptop before going back to mine,and get the file emailed to SALT as our internet is as useless as david cameron.




is anyone else planning to do something for autism awareness day,or now the thought comes into head woud like to do something? 
will be very interesting to see what lydia@autismhoya does.
not interesting to see what autism speaks do as they will hijack anything to get their
autism epidemic claptrap across and thus encourage donations from the unaware.

confession-am addicted to the white powdery stuff

seemingly out of nowhere it started snowing friday night,very thick snow; thicker that it has been for a long while,and us lot here were well chuffed.
a certain welsh fellow had just finished shaving ems hair when we realised how thick it was getting [the snow that is,then again the same can be said for the hair].
a short time ago,self/em,another resident and several night staffers were out in our car park having a snow ball fight and enjoying the nice feeling/sound in the air.
here are pics that a staff took with his knackered brand new iphone-

late night snowball fight with several night staffers and one other resident.

view of ems bedroom window,seriously thick snow on the walls/ramp/hand rails and still is.

[EDIT]
this shoud actualy have been posted last night, our internet has been completely shite all week,it showed this post as posted and also had more text wrote on it-but the text was no where to be seen and it was saved as a draft.
email seems worst hit,talk talk are absolutely fucking useless,our internet is their business/opal telecoms side; perhaps it shoud be called their david cameron package because theyre both as fucking useless as each other.

serious business in the chicken world

had got back home yesterday from the christmas/NY stay at parents and noticed the chickens looked so much better in their feather quality,they had also put on weight and lorna/temple [whichever madam is laying as have never seen them at it] had a stack of eggs laid.

realised it was the high quality dodson and horrell feed that dad had bought them with his own money,he is a pensioner and cant afford things like a car,but prefers to spend any spare money making sure the chucks are well looked after.

dad bought another sack of it today for them and am going to go fill up their feeding thingies in a bit,as they had ran out of the good stuff earlier in the week so they will be surprised to find they are fine dining tonight, along with their usual watery porridge-cornflake slopfest cake.


let them out of the coops yesterday,fought fuckem if they think these birds are going to stay stuck in their coops for the rest of their lives,they ate as much grass as they coud before staff shooed them in as a certain area managers office is opposite their coops and theyre the one who has a fucking issue with them being let out,absolutely ridiculous.

staff got a photo of self,with two of the japanese cochins who are probably not going to be long off half a year old now,and we wont know until long after then who is a girl or boy as it takes this breed a year to grow into their adult size and shape but fully grown theyre one of the biggest if not the biggest chickens in the world.

--kanner,lornypoos,temple and tito looking on jealously as their next door neighbours sneak a quick rub and and free range.

ode to a pyschopath

am a member on yahoo answers who will answer the genuine questions around disability related stuff but the predatory narcopath [pyschopath plus narcisistic pd] who is still an identity thief plus had been a online predator & bully of mine for years has many,many accounts on there pretending to have disabilities-he never changes persona but he changes accounts constantly and his big pity hunt at the moment is pretending to be intelectualy disabled whilst asking can he go to university every day,he also pretended he was a athlete of the special olympics,am hated by him so much that he cant keep away from this blog. :P

he uses female names male names,making new ones every day to get his 'narcisistic supply',pity and attention in a malicious,trust and support destroying way.

had been mentaly torn apart by his abuse which largely targeted ems intelectual disability,he made em feel like a burden on society  for having an intelectual disability and with the power of his sockpuppeting and his community manipulation skills he made communities a elitist hierarchial hell.

so it really shows how pathetic this guy is,now he is pretending to be what he had targeted,groomed,taken advantage of and attacked all along.
in society,they call that sub human,evil-a scumbag but its otherwise known as pyschopathy which he is diagnosed with and narcisistic PD as far as aware.

he has always gone on about how highly inteligent he is but people who are truly in the gifted area dont need to tell others about it because they show it including when they write online.
the only high inteligence he has is in manipulating and hurting other people.


so he is still reading the blog after all this time,perhaps its about time had learnt a little tip-when people say "go forth and multiply" they dont mean to go and make more accounts.

classic autism, classicaly abused

am fed up with both some parents of autistic kids and many of the autistic community saying those of us with classic autism do not have good points, they say we are not able to achieve anything unlike people with high functioning autism.

what gives anyone the right to define our lives and judge our achievements by theirs when we have very different lives and have a lot more of our own challenges to deal with?
what gives them the right to say we cannot achieve things and aspie or neurotypical people automaticaly achieve big things when much of society do not work nor contribute in different ways to that which is around them?
how does that make them more superior?

and how dare anyone say we are retarded!
we are not 'retarded',those of us on the spectrum who are also diagnosed under intelectual disability [known as learning disability in this country,what people call learning disabilities in america-such as dyslexia,dyspraxia etc are most commonly refered to as learning difficulties here and sometimes specific learning disability or SPLD] have different levels of limited mental capacity which affects how we process things,under stand things,how we see the world,causes us difficulty in learning; especialy the meanings behind things,it is not because we are 'retarded AKA 'slow', we have a limited mental capacity which has a knock on effect on capacity level to learn,understand etc.

americans have long understood how grossly offensive and historicaly abusive 'retarded' is to us, including when used as the medical label 'mentaly retarded' which is an ancient throwback to the old assylum years when intelectualy disabled people were locked up, forgotten about, abused taken advantage of and murdered without a care in the world because we were classed as inferior sub human beings and it is still the same way today,it is quite surprising that a lot of the elitism and discrimination comes from people with disabilities themselves.

thankfuly this year sees 'mental retardation' thrown out of the DSM manual and replaced with intelectual disability,they have the cheek to call us the slow ones when they have known the labeling was wrong for so long.




here is a list of some achievements of mine,as someone with severe classic autism.

• developing different/alternative forms of communication.
• at twenty one,learning to accept hugs without attacking people-and actualy coming to realise that tight hugs were awesome.
• having a profound connection with animals,being able to calm the most agressive horses through natural behavior and connection.
• being a advocate for several profoundly autistic adults.
• being a dressage and show jumping rider for the riding for the disabled association [RDA] with no saddle and no stirrups and never having fell off once apart from when in seizures.
• with the high support of the owner of the fairfield residential organisation and staff;including putting information into PECS booklets; was able to incubate and hand rear many chickens to be our pets.
• am much better with coping with the feel of water on hands now thanks to having to sort the chickies out.
• am able to put linux on computers,screw it up usualy but will keep trying till it works.
• am a new athlete of the special olympics.

new years day-project poopy baby

got sent photos this morning by sis.

this involves keeva [yeah,am not going to bother googling for the irish spelling,it fucks the sis off when its spelt like it sounds but thats her problem for using a language that almost all native irish people dont use].

she got poo all the way up her back again-aparently this is normal for keeva as am seeing it every visit or so.
like had said in new years day post; what is the point spending money on nappies for her when her back appears to be one itself.

sis gave her a baby wipe wash but it didnt really do it well enough so she decided on a bath.

was asked to help which was proud to do so being the auntie of this little hairless thing afterall.

sis did the washing and em sat on the toilet and was told to hold towel open and after that,to hold her on knee.

her little toes looked very strange and funny and it was funny tickling them.
anyway here is the photo-

one thing had not realised until seeing the photo,had cut selff above nose due to head banging,guess that is one of the good things about classic autism; not being able to feel pain-OR not understanding pain to be able to feel it.

new years day coffee

ahhh new years day.

today,the sister and bro in law came home from their annual christmas migration to norwich,which is where bro in law and the other in laws originaly come from.
its some place down south in norfolk,people always say the locals have relationships with sheep in norwich,that must be where the tradition of baaaaaaaa mitzvahs comes from in jewdaism [see,see...we do have humour].

was given an awesome present from the parents in laws; despite the fact am not able to afford cards let alone presents was given a expensive mug with its own coaster and tray set; they were all decorated with many different breeds of chickens-no way coud she find something like that in the shops.
was in need of a mug as a fellow resident at mine has a thing for licking everyones cups because of her extreme ocd which makes her want to get rid of all bits or drops and no amount of bleaching, scrubbing or whatever will erase the memory of seeing someones tongue slime all over it,it makes em feel sick coming up just thinking about the tongue being licked onto the mug so yes am greatful for this new set.


sister and the bro in law had bought a new special large frapachino style mug with a solid straw in,they usualy only sell these in the summer and the last one that had had was smashed on purpose by a certain bullying little shit who never had to pay for it [is hypocritical when em have been made to pay for new clothes for fellow residents...was severely attacked by one fellow resident during an incident which resulted in a chunk of flesh being torn out of upper arm-so em fought them in self defence which gave em a broken hand,them a nose bleed and got their blood on their tshirt,the manager covering at the time said had to buy her a new top to replace it....fucking hypocrites].


bro in law also gave a few sachets of starbucks VIA coffee; its their instant stuff that tastes fuckin awesome.
he also bought a tin of spray cream and he made himself and em one.
got some chocolate powder stuff and put that ontop to make the final masterpieces.
photo of mine here in the mug from the inlaws:

best coffee ever.seriously...though it coud have done with some caramel sryup.


also helped sister give a keeva a clean up in the bath,her name is spelt differently but really cannot be bothered going to google every time just to get the damn irish name for it,sister does have to be bloody awkward doesnt she.
keeva had shat herself...sister shoud be saving money on buying her nappies as most of it ends up all the way up her back or becoming an extra layer of immitation arse.
sis wanted a photo of the pair of us sat in the bathroom; will post it up here when she finaly emails it,said some rubbish about 'the photograph not wanting to send', yes a photograph really has that sort of insight to discriminate against individual recievers.