broken

after writing the other post about goldie on monday,never thought this woud hapen.

goldie came through the night on monday and staff phoned dad up to find out how she was,oh she had a comfortable night...he says,she was even improving though because of part of her brain being destroyed; her balance was all over the place.

had hoped to go home on monday night even though she wasnt there as it woud have felt closer to her,but mum was blaming herself badly because dad was very nasty to her blaming her for an accident-forgetting to shut the cubord door,which allowed goldie to go in and go under the bath,get onto the kitchen ceiling and slip and hit her head on the sink.
blame is easy but he really let rip on her and poor mum ended up necking a bottle of whisky so was not able to go home.

on tuesday morning,after staff phoning dad for that good report,he went to visit her.
the vet had padded all the walls in the big cage she was in to make sure she coudnt hurt herself,she had been given steroids the night before in the hope itd stimulate her brain and morphine to help with pain,she had an IV in her leg well bandaged up to make sure it didnt get pulled out.

dad and the vet took goldie out on to the vet table to look at her and goldie was lying down because of her balance.
dad was hugging her and stroking her and goldie started purring and lifting her head up for some signature goldie 'triple prong head rubs' as they were called by the bro in law.

they were discussing what to do with goldie,and the vet said she coud transfer goldie to the animal hospital to have an MRI scan but as a cat lover and owner herself she woudnt do it because it woud put a lot of stress on goldie transfering her there,she also coudnt have sedation,and the MRI woud only be able to say what was wrong-not solve anything,she said it cost two fousand pounds.

suddenly,goldies eyes closed,she stopped purring and her head dropped.
she was gone.


dad phoned the house manager to pass it on,had been coming to find her at the time to see if coud go home to visit goldie,thinking she woud be home that day,she said yes am able to go home but goldies gone away and am going to have to help bury her.
almost fainted so quickly dropped to the floor against the wall to avoid that.
manager sat down with em and gave a bear hug and went through the information.

a very rare sight that only ever happens when a animal goes away happened to- water started coming out of eyes and soaking trousers and the manager said it was called crying and its very normal for other people to do that when people they love go away.
-its been doing the same thing for most of the evening and night since getting back from mums.

do not usualy have any money but luckily was told have just been given a DLA bonus and due to the shock had used it to buy a sugar filled mocha and caramel starbucks frapachino and a boquet of purple flowers,as goldie loved hiding in flowers.

ended up spending some time in the room with her,feeling her and stroking her as this helps to understand she really is gone away,there was no sign of any injuries,no blood.
she was still warm so held her until she got cold to make sure it wasnt a mistake or something.
em cut a piece of furr of her and am going to stick it on a photo of her as a visual reminder.

we buried her out the back with all the other cats like twinkle, fluffybum, billy and lottie,mum went out to the shopping when we did that because she is really blaming herself.
had took the best looking bauble from the christmas tree-a gold one with a gold ridged pattern on it and hung it on the grave marker; gold to represent the smartest strangest funniest cat in the house,and had put the boquet of flowers on her grave.



so thats what happened,feel like shit,another best friend is gone.
miss her badly.