Haven't blogged in ages.
If not guessed from title already,this is may,unrelated to post-Scuzz [tv channel] is showing Metallica:from the beginning...is good...well not all of it,but some of it.
anyway.....
Have not been back home [as in res. home,not family home] for a long time now,the decorators had been into decorate when am was at family home and they changed the colours of the entire inside building,so have been unable to get through the door way even.
People have thought am being everything from fussy to,controlling,to lazy over it,and have had nothing but mental V signs in head for them,most do not seem to understand how changing things mean nothing to them,but means a huge amount to KoR.
Dad is desperate to get am back to residential care,as he cannot cope again when NAS staff are not here,mum is drunk every day,and trying to steal from the money dad gets,as he has to leave it here for staff to pick up when am going out with them...just like old times.
Am fighting with him a lot [also like old times],he is extremely controlling and gets abusive when anything doesn't happen his way,and he goes and tells Rach [KoRs sister,not his] that am have attacked him,broke a door or had a meltdown etc...without saying what led to it,and then am get a load of crap off her when next see her or over MSN making am out to be an evil burden on him.
He's told her he's fed up of am being here,am feel exactly the same thing back....am ended up physically fighting him today after he set am off saying the very last things needed to hear when was in extreme pain from neighbours banging with hammers and using power tools next door.
Then had gone up stairs and started doing what had tried to keep away for some time now,broke open a razor and got some blade out,started cutting again-on left arm and hand,and because am do not feel pain and had not done it for a while,had gone a bit too deep because it was spilling down onto grey trousers.
Own social worker came last monday to have a meeting with dad about how far along the move to Fairfields was,it's all sorted now,apart from fairfield staff needing to get trained with am,and they wanted to do it whilst am at the other home,so the NAS support staff have been bringing am every day to try and get used to the building changes,but cannot even get near the door,even though am trying very hard.
There's also the problem of the amount of time it would take to actually get used to being there again [if possible],because by the time thats done would need to be getting used to another new building at fairfields again.
Social worker is trying to see if Fairfields will just allow visits instead-eg,they can shadow the NAS staff when am out with them,or am can go there,and can slowly get used to it as well.
Also,still waiting to get the motability car,it's now decided on a one point six vauxhall zafira exclusiv,there is no pale blue option though which isnt fair.
Sunday, 17 May 2009
Friday, 27 March 2009
Grand Theft Auto,with less blood
This blog writer has now become one of the many who owns a car [well in own case,give it some weeks as haven't ordered one yet] -am finally getting a car through Motability [a scheme where can order a free car if get high rate mobility component of Disability Living Allowance....actually not free,they use the mobility component towards it].
It's finally going to give some life back.
Motability have a big long long long... list of cars to choose from,from the crappiest things that sister would say look great- up to the jags ,the BMWs,the mercs,the alfa romeos,the jeeps and maybe even bentleys [have never checked for that one]-obviously they're for disabled people who have more standards than sister when it comes to cars [though that isn't hard to beat].
Am looking at getting the ford C-Max which is this one: http://www.ford.co.uk/Cars/C-MAX
though the Ford Focus is also an option,and the vauxhall zafira is on the list to,depending on whether the zafira has a big advance payment on it or not [that is where also have to put a one off payment towards it].
Have been to a ford dealer today with NAS staff,and got some brochures on both the ford cars,
and the motability guy told staff that the C-Max has an advance payment on it but not a big one,and the Focus is free.
The C-Max has got a lot of things can have added to it like this sound reduction thing,and a laptop/psp etc power connector thing in the back of the car so would have both those included as well if end up going for that car.
Am will not be driving it,as much as everyone would like it-because would end up driving into the local school,of course it isn't the children that care about-do not want to get the hopefully pale blue paint scratched or splattered with children-it's having open insurance so all the staff can drive it.
Sister doesn't like it as she knows will drive up to hers a lot,she said she is going to turn all the lights off to look like she's out.
It's finally going to give some life back.
Motability have a big long long long... list of cars to choose from,from the crappiest things that sister would say look great- up to the jags ,the BMWs,the mercs,the alfa romeos,the jeeps and maybe even bentleys [have never checked for that one]-obviously they're for disabled people who have more standards than sister when it comes to cars [though that isn't hard to beat].
Am looking at getting the ford C-Max which is this one: http://www.ford.co.uk/Cars/C-MAX
though the Ford Focus is also an option,and the vauxhall zafira is on the list to,depending on whether the zafira has a big advance payment on it or not [that is where also have to put a one off payment towards it].
Have been to a ford dealer today with NAS staff,and got some brochures on both the ford cars,
and the motability guy told staff that the C-Max has an advance payment on it but not a big one,and the Focus is free.
The C-Max has got a lot of things can have added to it like this sound reduction thing,and a laptop/psp etc power connector thing in the back of the car so would have both those included as well if end up going for that car.
Am will not be driving it,as much as everyone would like it-because would end up driving into the local school,of course it isn't the children that care about-do not want to get the hopefully pale blue paint scratched or splattered with children-it's having open insurance so all the staff can drive it.
Sister doesn't like it as she knows will drive up to hers a lot,she said she is going to turn all the lights off to look like she's out.
Wednesday, 18 March 2009
Moar update....
Am may have just found out how the meeting between trafford and the new autism organisation went yesterday [as in,if am definitely moving there/getting the funding for it].
One of the staff told am today she was at diabetic training [for David] with a few other staff,and the home manager had mentioned to her,'there are two service users who are going to be moving very shortly from upstairs',so have got an early announcement on the move before the manager has got in,cannot believe how great this is,trafford are finally getting off their arses and funding things,
they had refused to fund a placement with the national autistic society saying 'they cost too much',
well this home is a lot better than the ones the NAS have got anyway,only shit thing about it is it's in Partington-they don't just put their cars on bricks there,they put the houses on bricks to.
Luckily,it looks nothing like Partington where the home is,they've built it to look mega awesome and cut off from the residential areas.
Does anyone have ideas on getting a cat? as it will be kept on the farm?
Do not know what the farm is like yet-if and how many buildings its got for cover,or if kitty would need something building.
Would still like a pedigree,maine coon or norweigan forest.
Will update as soon as get visit of the place.
One of the staff told am today she was at diabetic training [for David] with a few other staff,and the home manager had mentioned to her,'there are two service users who are going to be moving very shortly from upstairs',so have got an early announcement on the move before the manager has got in,cannot believe how great this is,trafford are finally getting off their arses and funding things,
they had refused to fund a placement with the national autistic society saying 'they cost too much',
well this home is a lot better than the ones the NAS have got anyway,only shit thing about it is it's in Partington-they don't just put their cars on bricks there,they put the houses on bricks to.
Luckily,it looks nothing like Partington where the home is,they've built it to look mega awesome and cut off from the residential areas.
Does anyone have ideas on getting a cat? as it will be kept on the farm?
Do not know what the farm is like yet-if and how many buildings its got for cover,or if kitty would need something building.
Would still like a pedigree,maine coon or norweigan forest.
Will update as soon as get visit of the place.
Monday, 16 March 2009
New home placement...nearly officially confirmed!!!
It's took over a year,but am finally have a place almost officially confirmed-with the conditions that the council [trafford] sort the funding out,and fund sound proofing for bedroom-as no placement is going to be allowed without sound proofing.
Have mentioned who they are in previous blog post on them,but if anyone else lives in trafford and lives in the same/similar situation,pm am on wrongplanet if want name of the organisation.
There are going to be four young adult auties in total in the home,no one is in it right now as they are just getting the residents together,it has another big building next to it for the children/teens residential.
am being reserved for the downstairs bedroom,due to physical needs from s/overload induced paralysis in legs and staff risk assessments on am having meltdowns on stairs.
Two others are profoundly LFA [as in,severe MR as well as full time non verbal],and the other
is a fully verbal autie who tics [physical and verbal] am think they could mean echolalia as well-no idea what their other needs are as the managers were trying to think of what may affect am.
They've got a lot of land around the buildings,and a farm-with their own horse and pet chickens for residents [for therapy,skill building and companionship].They've even got their own sensory room.
Am not allowed a cat because of the possibility of other residents coming in being allergic,but they said am will be allowed to get one and keep it at the farm instead,a farm kitty-cant argue with that its better than none.
Am overheard in the meeting- will be allowed to keep the staff team have got from the NAS,wouldn't have accepted a no anyway,and the managers said they would be able to work on [sensory] desensitising am after getting settled there.
But...am ended up being restrained in front of the new managers on the floor after nearly smashing this laptop as well as anything else not pinned down,and flipping a sofa in the lounge then having a seizure on the floor when a stupid..fucking idiot driving a ring and ride bus decided to slowly reverse [instead of going forward] all the way down here-with their reversing sirens on full volume,and pull up under bedroom window,only to reverse their way back out of the street again,not exactly what managers should have seen till they at least had got to know am,luckily it is not the sort of stuff that would bias whether am get a place or not as thats' pretty much standard stuff [and mild] compared to others anyway.
Had then went for a drive to find the home tonight with NAS staff,it all looks awesome from the limited amount was able to see.
Once the funding is confirmed,they're going to start their transition process,allowing am to get used to the place,others and the staff-and for the staff to get to understand am-don't know how long have got left in this shit hole...please let it be under two months.....CAN'T WAIT to get away from the residents and some of the staff here.
Have mentioned who they are in previous blog post on them,but if anyone else lives in trafford and lives in the same/similar situation,pm am on wrongplanet if want name of the organisation.
There are going to be four young adult auties in total in the home,no one is in it right now as they are just getting the residents together,it has another big building next to it for the children/teens residential.
am being reserved for the downstairs bedroom,due to physical needs from s/overload induced paralysis in legs and staff risk assessments on am having meltdowns on stairs.
Two others are profoundly LFA [as in,severe MR as well as full time non verbal],and the other
is a fully verbal autie who tics [physical and verbal] am think they could mean echolalia as well-no idea what their other needs are as the managers were trying to think of what may affect am.
They've got a lot of land around the buildings,and a farm-with their own horse and pet chickens for residents [for therapy,skill building and companionship].They've even got their own sensory room.
Am not allowed a cat because of the possibility of other residents coming in being allergic,but they said am will be allowed to get one and keep it at the farm instead,a farm kitty-cant argue with that its better than none.
Am overheard in the meeting- will be allowed to keep the staff team have got from the NAS,wouldn't have accepted a no anyway,and the managers said they would be able to work on [sensory] desensitising am after getting settled there.
But...am ended up being restrained in front of the new managers on the floor after nearly smashing this laptop as well as anything else not pinned down,and flipping a sofa in the lounge then having a seizure on the floor when a stupid..fucking idiot driving a ring and ride bus decided to slowly reverse [instead of going forward] all the way down here-with their reversing sirens on full volume,and pull up under bedroom window,only to reverse their way back out of the street again,not exactly what managers should have seen till they at least had got to know am,luckily it is not the sort of stuff that would bias whether am get a place or not as thats' pretty much standard stuff [and mild] compared to others anyway.
Had then went for a drive to find the home tonight with NAS staff,it all looks awesome from the limited amount was able to see.
Once the funding is confirmed,they're going to start their transition process,allowing am to get used to the place,others and the staff-and for the staff to get to understand am-don't know how long have got left in this shit hole...please let it be under two months.....CAN'T WAIT to get away from the residents and some of the staff here.
Sunday, 15 March 2009
Ignorance on forums
Haven't wanted to cause more problems on wrong planet by posting about this further there,so here is a post to let off what would have wrote,anyone else from WP who is experiencing problems with other users-please join in.
There is a user on WP who has made it a campaign to include am on most posts she rants through.
It all started on a thread of a decent community respecting user-about the treatment and differences between aspies and auties [cant remember exact details],am had wrote a post giving own view on why auties get better treatment for similar problems-and have always fought for equal rights of all autistics on wp-so had wrote in usual,neutral way.
But this user decided to ignore the post that am wrote and pick out words she didn't like,and called am prejudiced/in hatred of/ignorant of etc against 'high iq AS',and that someone like am should not be going into the majority of topics in wrong planet,just stay the fuck out-in other words.
If she had cared to find out instead of picking and choosing what offended her,am come from a family of 'high iq aspies' including sister who acts as an advocate for am as well as a friend,have an autie teenage cousin in dublin,and have lived with high IQ aspies and auties in residential care-am see all things as the same/having the same worth and could not care less on what IQ or disability someone has,thats' up to those who are petty and silly enough to argue 'who is the highest',the best etc.
Every word she used in that post described exactly how she writes,and her behavior to others,and the reply am gave to her was asking why she was taking it out on am,and why didn't she ask am directly if she had a problem? had stayed out of that thread from then on out of respect for the user who started the thread as did not want to be the cause of their thread getting ruined.
Am very easy going so have not reported her for any of it,but may do so if she carries on,as am fed up of coming on the only true communicative sanctuary am have [besides this blog], and reading constant hidden insults about am to wrongly inform others,her major issue seems to be about the fact am pro choice [to do with the idea of the cure],because am believe choice should come first if there ever is one,she has got it in her head am want to cure aspergers when am have only ever said those who would want one should have that choice-but the focus is always on strongly impaired aspies and auties whos' quality of life are low-has/will not be/en improved by any amount of specialist help,disability aides, support etc,never included mildly affected aspies who have little to no impairment and are anti cure,but again-believing in choice,if there was enough funding would believe in choice for all levels if that person wanted it-their body and all that.
She also sees the experiences am give on WP as negative/depressing,am don't have self esteem,
and am only giving the younger users bad examples which they will end up like and so on.
It's nice for her if she is able to lead a NT-emulating,independant life as a 'hidden aspie' like she has said,but she has excluded and abused the many aspies on WP who are not at the same level as her,as well as others like am who are classed at the severe end of the spectrum,with high complex needs.
She's wrong on the self esteem thing as well-stocked up on plenty of it,am able to see any side whether it's bad or good without bias,if she read the blog or had met am-she'd see exactly why it isn't all sugar and spice and all things nice.
And also,not forgetting-isn't the idea of a forum for each user to give their view,not just pick and choose the views that agree with the elitist few [unless that is what the forum has been designed for,and wrong planet is definitely no playground only for the 'high iq' last time am checked].
Another one from her-apparently am need to get a life,damn straight about that!
Have got almost no quality of life at all,though don't need to quote the blog for answers why.
The night time meds induced moral to the story [that most on WP know] is-don't judge anyone elses experience by own experience.
-don't treat others like shit for having different needs,a different form of autism,or a different experience [which is likely given that everyone has a different experience].
-don't treat them like shit for having different ideas about autism related things to self when it isn't breaking any rules.
-don't treat them like worthless shit if they're younger users [won't mention user names here who do that],but just because someone is a lot older doesn't always mean they will have more experience of life than a teenager.
-treat others how would want to be treated.
There is a user on WP who has made it a campaign to include am on most posts she rants through.
It all started on a thread of a decent community respecting user-about the treatment and differences between aspies and auties [cant remember exact details],am had wrote a post giving own view on why auties get better treatment for similar problems-and have always fought for equal rights of all autistics on wp-so had wrote in usual,neutral way.
But this user decided to ignore the post that am wrote and pick out words she didn't like,and called am prejudiced/in hatred of/ignorant of etc against 'high iq AS',and that someone like am should not be going into the majority of topics in wrong planet,just stay the fuck out-in other words.
If she had cared to find out instead of picking and choosing what offended her,am come from a family of 'high iq aspies' including sister who acts as an advocate for am as well as a friend,have an autie teenage cousin in dublin,and have lived with high IQ aspies and auties in residential care-am see all things as the same/having the same worth and could not care less on what IQ or disability someone has,thats' up to those who are petty and silly enough to argue 'who is the highest',the best etc.
Every word she used in that post described exactly how she writes,and her behavior to others,and the reply am gave to her was asking why she was taking it out on am,and why didn't she ask am directly if she had a problem? had stayed out of that thread from then on out of respect for the user who started the thread as did not want to be the cause of their thread getting ruined.
Am very easy going so have not reported her for any of it,but may do so if she carries on,as am fed up of coming on the only true communicative sanctuary am have [besides this blog], and reading constant hidden insults about am to wrongly inform others,her major issue seems to be about the fact am pro choice [to do with the idea of the cure],because am believe choice should come first if there ever is one,she has got it in her head am want to cure aspergers when am have only ever said those who would want one should have that choice-but the focus is always on strongly impaired aspies and auties whos' quality of life are low-has/will not be/en improved by any amount of specialist help,disability aides, support etc,never included mildly affected aspies who have little to no impairment and are anti cure,but again-believing in choice,if there was enough funding would believe in choice for all levels if that person wanted it-their body and all that.
She also sees the experiences am give on WP as negative/depressing,am don't have self esteem,
and am only giving the younger users bad examples which they will end up like and so on.
It's nice for her if she is able to lead a NT-emulating,independant life as a 'hidden aspie' like she has said,but she has excluded and abused the many aspies on WP who are not at the same level as her,as well as others like am who are classed at the severe end of the spectrum,with high complex needs.
She's wrong on the self esteem thing as well-stocked up on plenty of it,am able to see any side whether it's bad or good without bias,if she read the blog or had met am-she'd see exactly why it isn't all sugar and spice and all things nice.
And also,not forgetting-isn't the idea of a forum for each user to give their view,not just pick and choose the views that agree with the elitist few [unless that is what the forum has been designed for,and wrong planet is definitely no playground only for the 'high iq' last time am checked].
Another one from her-apparently am need to get a life,damn straight about that!
Have got almost no quality of life at all,though don't need to quote the blog for answers why.
The night time meds induced moral to the story [that most on WP know] is-don't judge anyone elses experience by own experience.
-don't treat others like shit for having different needs,a different form of autism,or a different experience [which is likely given that everyone has a different experience].
-don't treat them like shit for having different ideas about autism related things to self when it isn't breaking any rules.
-don't treat them like worthless shit if they're younger users [won't mention user names here who do that],but just because someone is a lot older doesn't always mean they will have more experience of life than a teenager.
-treat others how would want to be treated.
Wednesday, 11 March 2009
New home found.....possibly
Got news of this yesterday,a small..ish cheshire based residential home and respite organisation got in contact with staff to say they want to come and assess am,to see if am suitable for one of their residentials,they're coming on monday.
They take on autistics 'with high complex needs and challenging behavior',and are NAS and BILD approved,they also own a horse as a resident pet for the human residents,to provide therapy and companionship.
It's in a 'semi rural area',they've got their own land [quite a lot of it],no idea what part of cheshire it's in,would do anything [or most things] to get a place there,or if not there then another home of theirs,it would mean finally get out of traffords hellish learning disability residential services.
All depends on what the people are like who live in those homes,because am was told not long ago have to live on own with own staff team because of the problems am cause for others,but won't know anything further till monday.
Now off to check the organisation out on CSCI.
They take on autistics 'with high complex needs and challenging behavior',and are NAS and BILD approved,they also own a horse as a resident pet for the human residents,to provide therapy and companionship.
It's in a 'semi rural area',they've got their own land [quite a lot of it],no idea what part of cheshire it's in,would do anything [or most things] to get a place there,or if not there then another home of theirs,it would mean finally get out of traffords hellish learning disability residential services.
All depends on what the people are like who live in those homes,because am was told not long ago have to live on own with own staff team because of the problems am cause for others,but won't know anything further till monday.
Now off to check the organisation out on CSCI.
Friday, 6 March 2009
The search for a unvomitable ensure drink is over
Having an extremely limited diet for sensory and routine reasons,and going for up to weeks without eating [due to changes],am prescribed special milkshakes from the dietician,called Ensures,they're food replacements and most commonly given to people who have got cancer or are very underweight,am neither of those.
Anyone who has ever tried a few different flavours of Ensure before,will say how disgusting they are,am often hear people say it has a chemical mediciney taste,but am find it has a slight taste of what its supposed to and the rest of it is a strong taste of nuts.
So J [new keyworker to take over from L who neglected to do this] has had some new flavours from the chemist ordered in-there's only one of each/coffee,vanilla and chocolate [which is the horrible one have always ordered before] to see which one want a boxfull ordered of,got them tonight,tried the coffee one and there was almost no taste of the vitamins and stuff thats in it-just the coffee,drank the lot very quick though had a few sips of redbull alongside just to even it out a bit.
Awesome stuff,have now actually found an ensure flavour that am able to drink without puking back up.
Most of the staff never get the name right,they ask if want to have an 'esure' now, which is the name of that stupid car insurance company with the shitty adverts.
Anyone who has ever tried a few different flavours of Ensure before,will say how disgusting they are,am often hear people say it has a chemical mediciney taste,but am find it has a slight taste of what its supposed to and the rest of it is a strong taste of nuts.
So J [new keyworker to take over from L who neglected to do this] has had some new flavours from the chemist ordered in-there's only one of each/coffee,vanilla and chocolate [which is the horrible one have always ordered before] to see which one want a boxfull ordered of,got them tonight,tried the coffee one and there was almost no taste of the vitamins and stuff thats in it-just the coffee,drank the lot very quick though had a few sips of redbull alongside just to even it out a bit.
Awesome stuff,have now actually found an ensure flavour that am able to drink without puking back up.
Most of the staff never get the name right,they ask if want to have an 'esure' now, which is the name of that stupid car insurance company with the shitty adverts.
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