the challenges of severe autism;needing behavior friendly furniture

have been after a brand of furniture for years;called 'tough furniture',they make furniture for people with severe challenging behavior.
we had a corner cabinet made by them in the lounge of the last residential home but was told it was to expensive for a resident to buy for their own room,have always been unable to have tv/games consoles in bedroom because had smashed every one had had.

am unable to have a normal bedroom and because of behaviors live in whats called a low stimulous clinical setting.

thanks to being in a supported living care home rather than residential care am now able to afford tough furniture through back pay or saving,but yesterday thanks to a certain area manager from bolton who knew am waiting to buy a TF wall mounting or floor standing TV and games console cabinet with back pay, put a call out internaly in the support company and found out the company has got a number of mint condition TF cabinets stored away at their HQ.
so we went along today to check it out and imediately bought it,it only costed ten pounds when even second hand/slightly used it woud cost hundreds in a external/mainstream arrangement,am very very greatful.

heres some photos of the cabinet [its upside down by the way], the black tray at the top pulls out and stores things,the tv and xbox three sixty will go in there [once have managed to source a damn power brick plug,got another HDMI cable and got a game pad for it]

with doors shut;

with doors open;

moving onto next phase,a behavior friendly chair.
had had a small sofa put in bedroom when moved in but ended up trashing it along with everything else so it was all removed,a single seat of some unbreakable kind woud be better,its ridiculous that these special needs companies charge so much to buy stuff,taking advantage of the most vulnerable.

the challenges of severe autism;low mental capacity with rigid thinking

today/monday,self and two support staff were out food shopping in asda,before we left for asda had taken two haliperidol anti pyschotic pills as normal which always do before going anywhere to lessen severe challenging behavior and its causes.
we got in asda and had planned to buy a few things,including a pack of four ice creams and sweet corn as treats for the children [AKA binky and mabel].

for some reason there is a specific lump sum of money for spends each day with three pound of that for activity money but it has always been spent on anything because am not able to do activities every day, recently we got a new house manager who does everything by the word-which means changing a routine of mine that has always been there because she was on shift as support staff today with a regular support staff of mine,and as often happens staff always act mega strict when around managers.

was in the ice cream isle when was told that had got to the maximum money and had to have three pound left over for an activity that didnt exist,so to get ice cream was going to have to take away somethings from the basket-these were all items that were on a visual list in mind and was impossible to wipe and become unfocussed on-its impossible to remove or swap any.

they started removing goods and had felt very very bad because of it, started hitting out, punching everything as well as head banging and was trying to stop them from taking the stuff out the basket;was sat in the wheel chair thankfuly so did not end up throwing self to the floor and head butting it like old times but ended up kicking,punching and biting support staff who were invading the basket,and then threw something from the basket on the floor in frustration.
am very sorry if had hurt them,and will always feel guilt for any actions towards others but their attitude towards self really hurt,they dont truly understand this aspect of self,and assumed was being challenging for the hell of it.
they said they were going to take em/self back to the car without any shopping so quickly put the breaks on the wheel chair and got really frustrated so more behavior came out,ended up having another two pills of haliperidol.

the thinking is,its a visualy planned mental list,and removing any of it makes no sense to self plus its very distressing to cope with.
they usualy calculate as we go along so we dont get this problem but they made a guess at it this time.
wish people were more open minded instead of using threats.

a communication barrier of severe autism; pain

am getting really fed up of trying to communicate experiences of pain across to people.

as with the previous post written,the past few days have had very severe acid reflux and heart burn that was bad enough to present like a heart attack and had been in hospital as well as back to the NHS walk in centre yesterday to finaly get prescribed omaprazole.
whilst in the hospital,was shown a symbol based pain chart by the nurses and asked to point to the one am at in terms of level of pain,and was one step below the highest,she was like 'REALLY?, are you sure? its more like this level,not that level...bla bla bla', no amount of insisting worked and got really pissed off with her.

the problem is,am unable to communicate pain in any manner to other people,am unable to translate it into language let alone have the natural inbuilt prompting to tell others.
it doesnt show physicaly either and am not sat there shouting,the only way it shows in self is through severe challenging behavior when it gets extreme but that is always blamed on the disabilities and not pain.

am in constant pain due to the nerves injury in the lumbar region of the spine,have severe headaches throughout the day caused by sensory & information overload as well as head banging and none of this is recognised as real pain,people think am taking the piss because it doesnt show in a stereotypical way and this is why had ended up with the label 'addict' tagged onto NHS records thanks to a consultant having no fucking clue why am using pain killers every day despite being told by a specialist of mine and support staff who see self every day.
these painkillers dont even begin to cover the pain am in,theyre a very mild level of kapake co codamol and can only take six a day.
am fed up of being in pain and people not taking it seriously because am not writhing around shouting ow.

realising a painful past through film

last night had watched the autism film; the black balloon; http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0865297/ for the first time and it was very painful and difficult to watch from the start.
the character in it with autism;'charlie' is pretending to be a severely autistic teenager,was just like him as a child and adult;except was not understood and treated kindly by mum or dad until adulthood because of early wrong diagnosis [the doctors blamed mum and said because there were no signs of solid brain damage it wasnt severe autism nor any other organic condition] and their strict catholic religeon which made them feel the autism was posession by the devil for mum or dad sinning,or something like that.

had had every behavior that 'charlie' shows in the film,and still do;apart from smearing which was one of the behaviors that the intelectual disability hospital managed to wean self off of doing regulary through four months of an extreme/negative form of ABA.

'charlie' is hated by his brother,he is absolutely resented by him,even to the point his brother smashes something supposed to be loved by him [his SNES console],his brother woud try to hide the fact he is 'charlies' brother whenever anyone from his school saw them together,he truly was ashamed of his autistic brother.
this is what really pains self,as it is exactly the same experience of mine growing up with a sister who did exactly the same things as the brother, was resented by her because she felt she coud never bring her friends around into our house,she was so ashamed of her sister she woud denie she had one and woud rip and break things of mine to get back at autistic behaviors.

of course she eventualy started trying to understand when she studied degree level pyschology and there was a unit purely based on classic autism,and over the years we became like friends-like the boys in the film,but it is still very painful to think the existance of mine was resented for so long,including infant and junior school where was beaten by teachers and the head teacher every day for behaviors and difficulties that had no control over,it was a highly confusing and distressing world to be in own world and continuously brought out of it with physical abuse and rough restraint slammed onto tables or into the walls by the teachers,and to be dragged home by the wrist and get even worse treatment off dad.

had really related to the film,and feel its the best film representation of autism have ever seen; at least of the severe spectrum anyway but cant help feeling have lost childhood,not to autism but to the people who shoud have cared for self.