Sunday, 6 February 2011

being ignored

this is one thing am very fed up of.

beyond the typical headache/migraine type pains/stomach pain,am not able to communicate about sickness.
it is something that do not understand,and dont show like everyone else-it comes out as violence towards others and self and will not know what it is to be able to make it known to others-so can look fine to others as am not acting like they might do in same situation-but it doesnt mean do not feel very bad when ill,any less than others,it means am lost in a sea of hell and confusion.

so,have been progressively getting worse over the past few days,only one person has noticed it and am thankful for translating it-,he even said had never looked this pale before,and he realised why was acting the way that was,which wasnt visible to self.

over the weekend have eaten almost nothing at all.
at mums,will usually eat a lot of fish cakes and chicken nuggets but coudnt have any at all,the only thing have managed is a few chocolate buttons if that-ended up letting sister take a load today.
have felt even more worse today,and this evening after managing to tell staff about how bad was feeling was interupted about one of the lads being sick today,and how he is being sat with by staff and monitored so closely,it felt like no one gave a damn,as this is the norm.

then they forgot to give night time tablets to,they said its because they are busy upstairs sitting with the resident.
people hadnt even realised was sick last week,and the majority of the time people dont even realise when have been ill,even when have got recogniseable problems am not the type to go telling most people,only specific people if that.

its a lot harder for self to recover even from basic colds due to long term not eating and avoiding the ensures,and am a lot more affected by colds and flu than used to be for the same reason, but because am not able to show it like others it does feel like am worthless.
its yet another one to add to the list of things which makes self feel even more worthless and less equal with each one,thanks to this stupid bastard government for not giving any outdoor funding to be able to get out but giving it to all the other residents-am not even taken dog walking anymore,they take all the other residents out to do fun activities instead.
life is a fucking joke,cannot be bothered with this shit anymore.

what possessed whatever made humans to...well...make us-we are the biggest fucking flaw on this earth.

am not usualy one to rant like this,but there comes a point where its to much.
but no,am not suicidal.

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