fed up

right now am looking at one hell of a fuck up.
have not cut for months but this week have been struggling in head,dont know why.
coud have cut,as there were some hidden metal no one knew about....but didnt.
have been losing trust more and more in people,and have had the old 'issues' back for a while,have been thinking a pyschotic episode may be due.
this week was told by the pyschiatrist he is pleased am doing so well and wont have to see him for six months,am fucking fed up with having to get used to specialists all the time and was glad he said that but hope this doesnt mean he will have to come back.


tonight had been having a good time checking out hackforums,when had gone to the shed to see where biscuit was,immediately had noticed there was a lot of stuff missing-all of mine to be exact,several PC towers amongst other stuff which was precious to self.
dad knew exactly what was asking him over for; he said he gave most of it away to a family friend am very familiar with [his ex boss] and the other stuff was put in a skip he had ordered this week.

they have always known not to do stuff like that to mine,it was bad enough he refused to allow the pc towers in the house and fucking damaged them,they know exactly what am like with change and having stuff sprung on self like this,with no planning whatsoever.

had gone beserk,can only remember after coming down somewhat from that had gone razorblade hunting and got a blade out of one of those,and am now sat here with an arm cut up,
trousers soaked in blood on one side and feeling completely gone at how mum/dad can just do things like this,without any leading up to it.
they have no idea have done it,dont even trust them enough to show them,dont care enough.

dad said because am not here during the week he coudnt ask-but jesus, we have a fucking phone at ours he coud had phoned staff,and past it on plus planned it more.

feel like cannot trust them at all now,they dont feel like mum and dad,they just feel like humans.


sat out the back with biscuit for a while whilst she watched for mice and hedgehogs,animals are the only beings in life that feel trustworthy,they are predictible and dont change.

a mixed photo thread

am using this post to organise a load of photos for use on a forum; that had taken quite recently,they have all been taken with a mid range panasonic hard drive based digital camcorder and have not changed any of their sizes-they just happen to be lower res because of the lack of quality from camcorders taking photos.


this was on a day out to the peak district recently,taken through our tinted windows [aka dirty] so they turned out well.







was on a day out yesterday to north wales and we visited rhyl/around it,here are some pictures that had taken,they have far better ones on the house camera though.
this beach shot in rhyl,wales was taken yesterday [thursday],love watching and listening to the waves so had taken a few shots of it against the sewage pipe as well as video.


again,this waterfall was in wales,to be exact we were in dyserth.it costs to get in and see the waterfall but its well worth it.


this was dyserth waterfall again,except it was the river that runs down from it,the bridge is where the waterfall can be viewed easily from.



had taken this next group of photos whilst out in stockport one day,the planes are very high up and are tiny to the eyes,but because of the zoom on the camera had managed to get several attempts-thought it was pretty cool.




had taken these chicken photos whilst on a day out at chatsworth house-some big royal estate thing [had made a post about it on here somewhere].
the colours on these chucks were awesome,and they were also fully free range to,which was another thing woud recommend visiting for besides all the other stuff the place offers.

this chuck was telling us what to kiss,knowing what is on hennys arse; think am gonna pass on that one.

chicken line dancing.

like all men,they like to pose in photos,this cockrel was a real poser,he knew he was beautiful and didnt mind telling us about it.



spotted this gypsies pony tethered up somewhere we had all stopped at an offlicence to get something or other,so had just sat there in the minibus taking loads of shots of this gorgeous cob hoping they woud turn out ok because of the dirt on the windows.
dont understand gypsies and travellers at all sometimes,tethering ponies on a rope which is long enough to get a leg tangled up in and also long enough for them to get hit by a car.



and finally here are some kitteh photos,though have got plenty of those already posted on here and catster:
http://www.catster.com/cats/674887 [that is biscuits page but the rest can be clicked onto via it].

another cat post

another biscuit related post...
took some funny photos of biscuit this weekend....

she jumped up on the sofa expecting sister to just throw orla on the ground and feed her [biscuit] the milk instead,she eventually got fed up waiting and buggered off.

she was begging for food here,no surprises.



kitty gymnastics,aka pretending to wash the crotch.



spot the missing fang,she had that extracted with a few others last year.




this is what biscuit thinks of all us oldskool gamers.

biscuit supports geekery

at the weekend,was having a look through a few old things in bedroom that havent been touched for a while,came across an old classic-a very rare box set of dilbert [a highly underrated geeky cartoon],it used to be shown on uk tv years ago and had randomly found the box set in perfect condition; in a charity shop,biscuit happened to be a dilbert fan to because of catbert.

awesome,just ordered this

it seems am not the only one on the monthlys at the moment-this tee on icanhascheezburger is also the monthly special,a brand new design available only for a day.
have missed out on loads of great ones up to now,sister just walked in this afternoon in the special longcat one,so remembered to have a look.

the girl ones always look awful because they are fitted,cannot stand em when theyre clingy and dont stay down,so got the mens one instead,ordered XL.

all our cats have always loved lying in open boxes,and am a big fan of maru [the famous box loving cat on youtube],so this months one coudnt be any more relateable.

autism Vs the weather

those who am known well by [whether only online or also offline] will know am extremely sensory fucked up,one issue being with the feeling of liquid running on skin-like the feeling from a shower,god knows why do not have any sense of pain and can cause any level of pain such as ripping deep flesh open or knocking self out by head butting the wall, yet a bit of rain and will look like an escaped inmate from broadbmoor/ rampton.

every week,it usually pisses it down when it gets to horse riding day,thats the nature of being an outdoor only riding school though,but will never change,we are getting an indoor arena.
this week however,was in luck,it actually didnt piss it down and it had been thunder storms in our area that day,whilst was riding jas,staff got some photos,unfortunately the staff in question is technology retarded [oops,sorry the word shoud be 'challenged',we cant use retarded,nah he is really] and he didnt realise the clearly obvious zoom button existed so most of em wont close up but have got a few worth posting anyway.



had just got on jas,here-feel very honoured to be let on her back as she has a big work load most days.
wearing the southpaw sensory pressure vest there, it helps to calm.




have a habit with riding with reins in one hand and sometimes none at all,tend to control jas using arse muscles [known as seat aids],she woud be so awesome at parelli/NH riding.




cantered on jasmine in this photo [canter= one step below gallop] and it seriously started to piss it down,so quickly jumped off after giving jas a hug and ran back to our minibus.
jas is awesome,woud take her home if coud.

going to see about fundraising for the school cause they still need funds for the indoor.

made an old discovery

at the weekend,had been looking through a cuboard where have got lots and lots of old computer,computer game and horse magazines.
felt completely awesome though to find that an old robinsons catelogue had survived the onslaught of cutting pictures out which is what had always done with horse mags.

most of them are horse and pony [some going back to when was in infants school-ie,when milton was still competing in the olympics].

heres a photo of it:
they used to send robinsons catelogues out with horse and pony now and again throughout the year hence how had got them,mum and dad were to cheapskate to go there of course.

fucking love that place,best shop ever when it isnt a school holiday or sale.^both from last visit,not been in a while and need to get another riding skull.

its a miracle-have washed the car

this evening the weather was boiling and was allowed to go wash the car,it has only been cleaned once since have had it,and it was in a right state.

anyway,we cleaned it tonight with proper car wax shampoo and a hose,but didnt wash it off in time cause it looks as dirty as ever now.
had to go back over it but it looks better,had cleaned the inside as well-the floors were a state,luckily because its a customised van [a citroen nemo multispace] the floors were rubber based not carpet so a lot easier to clean.


we got some photos of it to.

look at it shining.

yeah its not amazing,looks a lot better close up than in photo.

this is where staffs/other people sit,and it was very dirty with chocolate bar crumbs and dog shit from their shoes most likely.

dont do posing,so being asked to pose will trigger the most sensible sign,coud have said a lot worse in BSL actualy.