Saturday, 17 August 2013

surviving hospital

weird looking bruising from one doctor trying to find a vein

 mmmm,needles,must be the only person in the world who likes watching them.

self,and a fellow spectrumer who is also staff and friend of mine,we had some fun with her tethered internet connection, am going to admit.

thursday last week, was crippled in some writhing silent agony and by night time had finaly got to the point of begging staff for help, anyone am known by knows how difficult it is to make that decision because of the huge impact it has on self and the difficulties have got with dealing with medical things/people/environments.

according to dad,around elleven o clock at night ,the GP had come out and said it was urgent had gotten to hospital,he wrote up an admission form so was able to go straight through without going into accident and emergency,was brought in in an ambulance,the paramedics were awesome and did everything they coud to try and understand and help the needs and disabilities of mine.

at some point,had had multiple tonic clonic epileptic seizures going into hospital and they had to use the hoist to lift onto the bed from the wheelchair,wish had one of these when legs are paralysed or am in seizures,people dont realise how much pressure is on arms to transfer from one level to another without support.

however,the gp had never given the paramedics the admission sheet and as a result was left painkiller free;in what was now a rather loud-head banging off the bars-kicking out at everyone writhing agony for six hours in resus,not even a paracetemol.
was so pissed off that there were tons of abusive drunks coming in getting medical treatment straight away when their problem came about from their own selfishness and foolishness.

 finaly,after six hours,was taken to the acute admissions ward and had own private room;the size was wheel chair friendly.
was still in agony,was in and out of concioucness to from the pain.
was hooked up to a IV of fluid and a vial of antibiotics day and night.
thankfuly at some point,some kind sod took pity and after realising codeine and paracetemol werent helping in the slightest,was prescribed oramorph [morphine, in a pink liquid form which they put in the syringe and shoot it into mouth].
oh dear god this was didnt get rid of it completely but was no longer wishing for suicide.

unfortunately the hospital is a teaching hospital so was constantly attracting students who see us as a criteria of symptoms and not a person being force fed their eye contact and crowding around stance.
felt like a fucking zoo animal.
they kept asking staff if its here that the problem is,jesus fucking christ on a bike how many times do they have to repeat yes why cant they go catch up with other doctors to get their answers instead of subjecting us patients to worsening pain?
this patient had run out of patience.

because of having a routine of only eating in the same place, that concept in head does not change-was not able to eat in hospital for days until the hospital had become a routine environment, up until the last few days was in hospital, was harassed everyday over and over why am refusing to eat food and how bad it is for health, having gone years without eating and getting to the point was unknowingly given the label of anorexia and was about to get a feeding tube fitted,am certainly not going to be changed by staff who didnt have a fuckign clue what autism can be like.
the special dietry needs of mine also werent taken into consideration although they said they woud be,they have no problem with halal diets because they made a point of saying this,weird how a belief is accepted as more of a priority than a need.

some of the staff were incredibly understanding and were very nice,they made it a lot easier being in hospital.the oramorph is the other thing that helped get through it to-both for the pain it finaly got rid of and the fact it removed the reality from the situation.
unfortunately [in some ways] for em, they discovered one of the main reasons was crippled with pain was codeine, the codeine had caused such severe constipation for weeks that bowel was close to bursting and it was putting a lot of pressure on bladder;there had been talk of a catheter if it carried on that way for much longer.
they removed the co codomol and oramorph and was in absolute agony,was passing out from pain again.
they gave movicol which was totaly useless then picolax,picolax is supposed to completely empty the bowel.completely and quickly.
the consultant was shocked when he came back in the evening and nothing had happened,was given another sachet of the manky stuff and by the next day that toilet got a battering again and again... and again.

it was relief when had finaly lost it,but was still in pain, they found had also had a kidney infection to.
after over a week in hospital,was released yesterday/friday night,exhausted,weak and in pain,and now have found out today the consultant has stopped all codeine products of mine completely- no withdrawal period and no alternatives given apart from paracetemol which is fucking useless and doesnt work on pain of mine and feels like an insult at minimizing what em experience.
to add insult to it all,the monthlies of mine has just started today after having been kept absent for over a month by this serious bout of constipation,yay pain.

seriously what doctor woud do this,stop an addictive product that have been on for years without any withdrawal program?
am already on a withdrawal program for it with GP, so this really takes the piss...or shit.
am only going to resort to dangerous measures to fight having it removed if he thinks am going to take having no control of own body and withdrawal easy.

so am sat here,in pain; had gone mental in hospital when the oramorph worn off and was suddenly alert and aware of the environment/situation-ended up smashing head in multiple times off the bed railings and am sporting a swolen head injury and shitty horrible monthly pains.
fuck this shit.literaly.

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