Tuesday, 28 February 2012

a sort of new hobby of mine

used to do it years ago on a gaming PC but have got back into it due to thinking about the games collection have got,am using some emulators to play the games that own,or abandonware.

havent setup the emulators properly yet-dont know how to set the window size bigger and the dreamcast one- lxdream wont even start but am using a SNES one,a saturn one and one for sega megadrive.

am a huge fan of the saturn-mine was so overplayed that the latch on the top loading cd cover broke so it woudnt register as closed and the backup battery on it is long gone.
so had somehow come across the emus on fedoras repositories and thought straight away have got to getc hold of panzer dragoon saga again, one of the best games ever developed.

 so this is a screenshot of it in windowed mode,on panzer dragoon sagas start screen,none of the keys work so need to get some help with configuring that,

its the most expensive saturn game to be found for sale second hand but its well worth it they dont make em like they used to on the sega consoles.

Monday, 27 February 2012

thoughts on change in autism

difficulties with change is a huge part of autism for many autists,and it can vary from a little dislike up without any reaction to full blown violent fight [or flight] reactions to the smallest changes to someones environment,the people around them or routine.

difficulties with change in autism only,is very different compared to difficulties with change in OCD though a lot of autists all over the spectrum have OCD ontop of their ASD as it originaly gives them some control and predictibility but then becomes an out of control mind torturing disorder.
change with autism is much easier to cope with if there is advance given on the change,and if the timeline/PECS and transitions are used,fight or flight reactions are guaranteed for many of us when it comes to change with no warning whatsoever though as it is a trigger of the stress chemicals which is what fuels fight or flight and makes someone rage and seem like they have super strenth,or run from the problem.

change difficulties in OCD only is about the fear of something bad happening if a person doesnt do what they are being driven to do.
they may know nothing will happen but their mind is painfuly controlling them to do something and they wont stop being harassed until they give in.
a very bad OCD trait of mine is with turning all switches off and making sure doors are locked at night and will go over and over and over this,have done it since little and it started because used to watch dad doing it,though luckily, guess due to the autism it is only associated with at mums/dads and do not have this routine else where,no way to describe it other than it being extremely painful in head.

OCDs effect on change in autism makes a person very fearful or even phobic of change.

people who have moderate/severe/profound autism quite often have OCD or OCD traits as a reaction to change and unpredictibility,but it is usualy labeled under their autism and not seen as an issue that can be helped.

Sunday, 26 February 2012

thoughts on visual differences with autism

most people find it hard how to understand how people with autism visualy see things, we clearly have a different way of processing and filtering visual information.

this is a basic description of what it is like for self/em.

everything is built together through slowly merging lines and colour.
humans are shapeless dull masses with no out lines,but things they are wearing or their hair,or if their zip is down are quickly processed>they are bright and strongly outlined; like cell shading almost.

animals are quickly processed and the lines and colours come together quick to make their bright and strongly outlined shapes.

when am sensory overloaded am visualy not able to process well if at all which leaves em in a blind state,when coming out of that state will still struggle for a while to make sense of anything-the lines and colours of shapes will not come together well.

have noticed that with every single autistic have ever lived with,they operate in very similar way to.
it seems to be unconcious selective processing,probably because am not able to filter and process visual information in the same way or to the same level that non autistic people so perhaps this is the autistic brains own way of having a filtering system.

Friday, 24 February 2012


today am twentyeate and to start the day off had a very rare visit at mine from sister and her littlen orla.
orla had a lot of fun with the balloons and playing on the special rocking chair but her mum also let her have some cake and a bit of strawberry and cream shortbred which is very rare for her to allow.

here are some photos taken with the laptop and a disgustingly named program called cheese-

was given very nice chocolate,had gone to starbucks  for another mocha and caramel frapachino with cream and caramel on top and also got a krispy kreme donut that day as a present off fairfields so thanks to everyone who made sure was got them as they were very nice.

this is sunday right now and am still at mums/dads,was given a lot of paper notes-mum said its forty pound from between them both,am very thankful for any money-its very nice of them especialy as they are both pensioners and have paid out a lot for sisters wedding.

Tuesday, 21 February 2012

head banging with linux-latest adventures of a dodgy install

several weeks [?] ago,had realised how fed up was feeling with the lag and paranoia of windows,had also realised was in ownership of dads USB pen, he wasnt needing it any time soon and he already had all the shit on it backed up elsewhere if his computer in the mean time fucked up under his quite technologicaly uncapable hands.

so,had decided like that to trash everything on the hard drive and use only linux.

it took this:


[Fedora 15 'lovelock' x86_64,live]


a shit load of getting fed up,was having to reinstall it every day after each switch off,as itd boot into the emergency shell and whine about some error.
thought it was because was installing a load of games and programs and one of them may have triggered a update that didnt suit,but it did it even when wasnt installing anything.
-anyway,took till today to try update the entire fedora system- kernel and everything,and it worked.

so am finaly using a single boot system,with not one bit of microsoft to touch it...apart from hotmail.
want to get some new case stickers to stick in place of this windows seven one.

have been downloading all the usual games to,who says to be a gamer it needs windows? screw that shit,there are so many major plus free games on linux there isnt any need to stick to a laggy piece of shit operating system anymore unless are the type of gamer who has a shit ton of disc based games which WINE woud probably struggle with.

heres some screenshots from tonight,playing yofrankie with no shaders or textures-guessing its because am using the awful mesa DRI driver, but it beats the crashes it used to do on ubuntu-


and speaking of another awesome game- assault cube, why the hell has fedora not got this in repositories?
 its the best open source first person shooter around, was playing it all day last weekend at dads, [had to put it in windowed mode to get screenshots,as coud not find the screenshots folder]-

Sunday, 19 February 2012

anti bullying website about to be launched!

am not usualy good at finishing any website project have developed,but this one is very near the end to being launched,and here is a sneak preview screenshot of the top of the website-

IA is a website aimed at adults with developmental and/or learning disabilities who are or have been bullied,and it also is for family/carers/support staff/friends etc of adults with developmental/learning disabilities who are/or have been bullied,as well as supporting the parents/friends etc who may be being bullied along side them.
IA as a forum as well though logo for that is still work in progress.

the reason IA came about,is because of there is no support for bullying against those of us who are easily bullied-in particular learning and developmentaly disabled,the only support for adults is for non disabled people who are bullied in their job.

have been bullied all of life,but most recently have had very long term cyber bullying by a 'bottom feeder' who pretended to be a friend for years,but instead was taking advantage, manipulating,bullying and deliberately using methods which he knew woud trigger issues,and on top of that this ....chap was using pyschological projection to project every behavior and incident he was doing-to em,then whingeing about it on support forums to make it look like he was being stalked and bullied,am not bothered by that in the slightest but feel he shoud not be able to use forums/chat freely let alone live in the community.

his bullying progressed so much that he triggered what became diagnosed pyschosis and severe major depressive disorder-and have neither recovered fully from either.
he was also using the autism and life experiences of mine from this blog else where [as if they were his experiences]-usualy copied and pasted.

family and support staff from past and present autism services have tried to push to get police involved but the rabid paranoia of all people which was left with by him makes em want the police involved one time then not-the next,its a lot of effort involved but he shoudnt be allowed on the net when he is seriously abusing the service as well as seriously taking advantage of vulnerable people.
-a specific support staff who understands a lot about cyber bullying,said what this bully had been doing was called grooming of a vulnerable adult and that especialy  as he is still carrying on...albeit trying to crypticaly hide it he needs sorting out by the police as there coud also be other disabled people being bullied,or even a lot worse.

again,this was one of the reasons behind intensity alliance.

Saturday, 18 February 2012

auntie again

sister has got another kiddy on the way,so am auntie again but dont know the details yet she is due her first scan.

she is due down here soon with the other littlen.

fucked it up and coud not care less

this week had thought enough was enough with having windows on the laptop,it was dual boot and also host to a ton of linux and BSD distros via virtual machine but windows has just been a power hog.

have had dads USB stick in the laptop bag for ages, and just thought this week- why not delete his stuff on it as he has it all backed up elsewhere anyway,and make the USB a bootable linux to format the lot and start again,then stick his stuff back on it at the weekend when at his-a easy project so had thought.

had installed unetbootin on windows,and tried out several distros-which when booted gave errors about not being able to find the image,eventualy went crawling back to fedora-last years 'lovelock' edition,not this years due to how buggy it has been on mine and dads.
felt so awesome formating over everything and knowing was finaly free from having to relie on windows.
it uses the internets most hated desktop environment shell-GNOMEs unity,ubuntu had offensively said the laptop was too shit to run unity,but it runs lag free on mine.
anyway,getting used to it and cannot see why so many people hate it.

takes a bit of getting used to as it works differently to the traditional desktop environment w/ window manager,and it does have some weak points for more advanced computer users with having not many settings available but am becoming a fan of it because it is so visual based.

anyway,had installed all the usual programs and games,and actualy managed to get the awesome game-yofrankie to finaly work as well except it was in black and white with no textures.
last night must have installed something which updated the kernel headers cause fedora was fucked this morning.
reinstalled this morning at dads which was quick enough but cant connect to his internet cause he has a weird ISP and over the top secure router which wont work on mine,so fuck it-gonna play openarena on dads instead.