Friday, 16 November 2012


this is one thing that dont talk about often but am severely clinicaly depressed with added pyschosis ontop,and unfortunately within the past few weeks at the least the cymbalta has stopped working...mostly.

the depression had been triggered by the severe online bullying had recieved from a particular individual with borderline PD and pyschopathic narcissism if am correct in remembering his original un bullshitted diagnosis list.

the doctor said the pyschosis was due to the depression having been left untreated for so long,the autism has a huge impact on how em experiences it and how its recognised by others.

this week has been the worst,had stolen as many prescription codeine tablets as coud sneak out whilst being brught back home,and necked them all later on.
the week before had also done the same at home making sure no one knew; though they all were having a go because was wanting to go to bed instead of stay up with the nieces of mine,and they also said eyes were badly swollen,luckily they didnt find out.
am desperate to go away.

 the overdose this week was unfortunatelty found out as apparently was found out of it on the bed and they had searched trousers and found the empty pack.
they got paramedics out,and the manager came in with one staff to sit with em through this,they did tests and stuff here, but said had to go hospital and that was not going to happen whether under staff or police restraint.
so was not allowed any painkillers from then on because of the amount in system and was also not allowed to take all of the normal tabelts am on in the morning until the doctor phoned up and said it was ok.
they then did a blood test here,havent got a clue what for.

the pyschosis is very bad to plus have got obsessive thoughts which are immoral and violent,the ld pysch of mine thinks the pyschosis side of it is autism related; he thinks because am not able to communicate it; the brain is communicating in another way by halucinations and delusional thoughts,
he has seen many autistic clients whom are doped up to the eye balls on anti pyschotics because theyre in unsafe and unpredictible settings-instead of changing the reasons behind their lack of safety and unpredictibility.
-its why have never been prescribed anti pyschotics as he has put behavioral plans in place instead but the pyschosis has never changed,am just not passing it on to people as much.

had to cancel visit from sister and the nieces this week,despite the fact see them every wensday and also recieve a can of relentless/other cheapo redbull style drinks care of mum and dad which probably says how desperate am being at the moment.
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1 comment:

Socrates said...

Em, Unfortunately online we are targeted by these bullies in the same way as in real life.

Always they start off by 'being friends' and when we refuse to play their games or refuse to give them what they want, they turn nasty.

I can relate to most of what you've said about the effects and the communication problems - fortunately the Shrink seems to know what they're doing.