Saturday, 3 November 2012

change-why do thee smite us?

this weekend has been bad for a change.
early yesterday morning a favourite special auntie of mine had went away because she had a 'massive heart attack' [they dont seem to require the op where they cut open people to find out the problem where they are].

auntie annie was one of the few relatives of mine who was not disowned by as a child for being a 'heavy burden' on the family and for being a curse from god- almost all of them did and they gave their attitudes to their kids [cousins of mine].

she always tried interacting with em even at a very young age,she never saw bad in em.
she didnt get on well with sister because she said 'sister was snobby and never spoke to her and when she did she spoke like she was better',however it turned out sis was on the spectrum as well-according to herself and old specialists and autism expertised support staff of mine.
we didnt get to see her much because she lived in ireland and unfortunately all the female sisters on mums side were alcoholics so they woud all say something silly on the phone to take offense to, and stop any contact between us all again.

she had stoppped drinking years ago but unfortnately developed severe bipolar and was in and out of sectioning regulary,and poor uncle mickey-her husband is going through alzheimers which have just found out.

annie went away yesterday morning and the funeral is today saturday which is usualy the day em go home to spend the weekends at mums.
so dad has asked em through staff if he and mum coud go to the funeral and em stay here-which is a major painful change to self,em agreed because he dropped off the things that em have when go home to make it as much like normal saturday as possible.
am also on lorazepam this morning-
the gp understands a lot of autistic issues as there are many residential homes around here so he prescribes them for PRN use,for big changes like this or for fireworks-because its still bonfire season here.

so yes its saturday,am at home am not at mums,staff are doing best to help em theyre taking em for a drive and small starbucks frapachino after.
had one last week but am not going to tell them that.

wish doctors woud prescribe drugs that arent benzos for helping with this, they gave em diazepam for years which never made one bit of difference its only this year they have upped the severity of the drug,but its still a benzo.
a small dose of ketamine,or amitryptiline woud probably fair better...then again am not a doctor and who are we to talk of our own bodies in such a educated manner.